Feeling Defeated & Unworthy

[notsomature]

I've been feeling very down in the dumps since the end of last year (2016). What was the catalyst for me feeling this way was when my ex and I broke up. It wasn't a very long relationship (6 months) but it was the longest relationship I ever had. He dumped me after pushing me away for half of our relationship and then he moved on to his female "buddy" whom I always questioned him about. From that experience in my life, it made me feel very unworthy -- mainly because he chose someone else over me & it really impacts my self-confidence.

 

Then just within the last month, after I found out that my ex & his "buddy" were together, my 2 year close-friendship started to break apart. My step-dad used to ask me why I was friends with her (Lue) because I always complained about being her designated-driver whenever we go out. I complained about other shady things she used to do as well. But I didn't realize until last month how unhealthy the friendship was. I basically learned that she was a great person to go on adventures and have fun with. But when it came to providing sound advice, healthy support, and understanding...she couldn't provide those things. She loved playing devil's advocate when all you needed was a listening ear. But when you played devil's advocate with her, she got annoyed really quickly. Her solution to most things were drinking & clubbing.

 

Now Lue & I are no longer friends. Not only that, but my old co-workers are more friends with her than me so that means that I've kind of lost that whole social circle as well. So all within the last year and beginning of 2017, I've lost a bunch of people that granted were unhealthy for me, but in the end I feel defeated for some reason. I feel alone. I still have maybe 1 or 2 friends that I can count on. But I don't want to burden them too much in this season of my life, cuz I can be a bit depressing to hang around right now. So all I have is God right now.

 

Has anyone else gone through a similar phase in their life? What did you do to overcome the lonely & self-defeating thoughts and feelings? What is something positive I can tell myself? Is what is happening to me normal?

[Wiseman2]

If trouble started 3 mos into dating and it completely fizzled at 6 mos it just wasn't working. Actually you are better off unloading a bad friend and a bad dating situation. It frees you to date better guys and find higher quality friends in better places.

 

Quit the drinking and clubbing for starters. Instead focus on healthier things such as sports, exercise, groups, interests, volunteering, school, work, lessons, etc. Also if depression, low self esteem, etc are a persistent problem, go to therapy to help with that.

6 months.He dumped me after pushing me away for half of our relationship and then he moved on to his female "buddy". I always complained about being her designated-driver whenever we go out. Her solution to most things were drinking & clubbing. What did you do to overcome the lonely & self-defeating thoughts and feelings?

[Betterwithout]

Has anyone else gone through a similar phase in their life? What did you do to overcome the lonely & self-defeating thoughts and feelings? What is something positive I can tell myself? Is what is happening to me normal?

 

I'll share a personal experience that may help.

Yes, I've gone through a life changing horrible situation.

I overcame it by realizing that my situation is not unique to what others have gone through. Some have been through much worse (paralysis, loss of eyesight, terminal illness, the list goes on).

I've really got nothing to complain about, I am still able to draw in oxygen. Why should I let another person or event ruin my life, my life is not over, I am not in a hospital bed at 100 years old, I have many years ahead! I forced my thoughts into thinking positively about everything. (ie" old thought "it's raining outside, I hate rain". new thought "it's ok if it rains, most days its sunny and sunny and cloudy, and the rain makes the grass greener and the flowers brighter).

Writing a journal to type out my thoughts, anger, hurts, etc. helped me immensely too.

 

You will get over this hurt. You really will. Have you skinned your knee before? It hurt a lot right at the time right? Just don't pick at the scab and it will heal with time.

 

Wish you well for your healing

[Hollyj]

I've been feeling very down in the dumps since the end of last year (2016). What was the catalyst for me feeling this way was when my ex and I broke up. It wasn't a very long relationship (6 months) but it was the longest relationship I ever had. He dumped me after pushing me away for half of our relationship and then he moved on to his female "buddy" whom I always questioned him about. From that experience in my life, it made me feel very unworthy -- mainly because he chose someone else over me & it really impacts my self-confidence.

 

Then just within the last month, after I found out that my ex & his "buddy" were together, my 2 year close-friendship started to break apart. My step-dad used to ask me why I was friends with her (Lue) because I always complained about being her designated-driver whenever we go out. I complained about other shady things she used to do as well. But I didn't realize until last month how unhealthy the friendship was. I basically learned that she was a great person to go on adventures and have fun with. But when it came to providing sound advice, healthy support, and understanding...she couldn't provide those things. She loved playing devil's advocate when all you needed was a listening ear. But when you played devil's advocate with her, she got annoyed really quickly. Her solution to most things were drinking & clubbing.

 

Now Lue & I are no longer friends. Not only that, but my old co-workers are more friends with her than me so that means that I've kind of lost that whole social circle as well. So all within the last year and beginning of 2017, I've lost a bunch of people that granted were unhealthy for me, but in the end I feel defeated for some reason. I feel alone. I still have maybe 1 or 2 friends that I can count on. But I don't want to burden them too much in this season of my life, cuz I can be a bit depressing to hang around right now. So all I have is God right now.

 

Has anyone else gone through a similar phase in their life? What did you do to overcome the lonely & self-defeating thoughts and feelings? What is something positive I can tell myself? Is what is happening to me normal?

 

Sure. The solution is getting out and meeting new people, not feeling sorry for yourself.

 

Join clubs, take classes, Meetups, volunteering etc..... I made many of my friends through volunteering.

 

Get out of the house and enhance your life.

[notsomature]

You guys might be right. I did do 2 months of counseling after the breakup & God found me during those darkest times.

 

The ex texted me 2 days before Valentines Day. I don't know why because I'm sure he's still sleeping with his "buddy". But I think the only reason he texted (at midnight, mind you) was because he saw me at the gym the day before. I didn't bump into him or anything, he just saw me from across the gym. I bet if he never saw me he would've never had a motivation to text me. The text wasn't even a "Hi, I was just wondering how you're doing?" It was a "Jessicaaa". What kind of text is that! I felt like he was just trying to get a reaction out of me.

 

I didn't respond. It's been 10 days & he hasn't tried to text me a second time. It's been bothering me though. What could he have wanted??? It's not sex, since he's sleeping with the girl he claimed was just his "buddy" when we were together.