Guy won't stop contacting me to hang out

[ke529az]

I'm a guy (straight) I ran in to him the other day at Walmart. I know him a little from a group we were in a while back. Now he wants to go to my hiking club. I think he wants to use me as a wing man to hit on babes (even though he told me he's married) He called 3 times and texted 3 times. I find him creepy and don't want him in my life. He is a big guy and he's intimidating. In the past one time when he wanted to hang out and I said I had to pick someone up (an excuse), he replied: You don't have to pick anyone up ! I have ignored his recent calls and texts. I feel any contact will encourage him to try impose his will on me by starting the conversation with: if someone calls you, its rude not to return the call... I did block his texts and calls. I can still read the texts in my rejected folder and the last one he said" "how come you're not returning my calls?" What to do?

I think if I called him and said look, I'm busy, he would use that opportunity to pressure me to hang out and also he would also know what to text in the future to get me to respond.

[RainyCoast]

no, nothing. keep him blocked and don't respond, he will have to find another target. pushy creepachu.

[ke529az]

Thanks rainycoast. I agree. Any contact would set up the next contact no matter what I said, all aimed at manipulation to use me to get what he wants.

[Wiseman2]

This is the perfect situation for block and delete him from all messaging and social media. Join a different hiking club, go to a different store.

 

Is he a bully or trying to hit on you? How old is he? What kind of "group" do you know him from?

I find him creepy and don't want him in my life. He is a big guy and he's intimidating.

 

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[ke529az]

he's 50 something and I'm 50 something. We were both in AA. I have not been in it for over 5 years. I think he is a bully. In all the time that i knew him, I could never figure out how he makes a living. he appears shady. He is not trying to hit on me.

He's not in the hiking club. He started giving me commands in his messages like call me back and what hike is tomorrow (even though I had given him the website with the schedule) Its like he's looking for someone to use...

I have a feeling his messages will get angrier since I'm not responding. I almost feel like he would show up at my apartment door to confront me on why I haven't returned his calls...

[Wiseman2]

Tell him to get lost and block him.

He started giving me commands in his messages like call me back and what hike is tomorrow

[RainyCoast]

same AA group? if it doesn't stop you can tell the group coordinator. he can't bully other anons. there is a possibility addiction isn't his only pathology and he may be one of those guys sent back and forth for psych evals, half-houses and such. definitely give him a wide berth and report if he doesn't stop.

[ke529az]

I don't even know if he still goes or what AA meetings he goes to if he still does, I just ran into him the other day and he's been blowing up my phone since.

[ke529az]

I would not tell him to get lost. He is 6 foot 3 and 260 pounds, that would be provocative... he is already blocked.

[ke529az]

Sorry, I'm not familiar with the term give him a wide berth. Do you mean keep my distance?

[ke529az]

I think my own answer has been confirmed on how to deal with him: block - delete - avoid. Thank all of you!

[RainyCoast]

Sorry, I'm not familiar with the term give him a wide berth. Do you mean keep my distance?

yes, exactly, distance and silence. ignore ignore ignore. even a sociopath will eventually move on to some other victim that way. they are not interested if you do not "supply" anything, whether it's attention, girls, money, company, booze, whatever. act like a silent dry well. they can't stand getting nothing and will move on.

 

he is coercive and manipulative so if he gets even so much as a hello he will take that as a sign that he can marinate and coerce and manipulate you to provide more in time. they operate in all or nothing binaries, so give nothing.

[Wiseman2]

Good you blocked him, but why do you say he keeps texting?

He is 6 foot 3 and 260 pounds, that would be provocative... he is already blocked.

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[RainyCoast]

Good you blocked him, but why do you say he keeps texting? ]

he can view the texts because they are delegated to the "rejected" folder.

 

i'm not familiar with how these apps work, but there might be one that doesn't allow you to view upsetting content.

 

however, i don't know if i would change the app. when i was dealing with a coercive bully we didn't have phones that allowed you to block, and chose to not change my number because i wanted to have it in writing if he would text something threatening. i could use that for a report against him.

[angrythoughts]

If it were me I'd be honest. Blocking him is great but nothing pushes someone away like telling them "I don't want to hang out with you and you annoy me". Good luck.

[ParisPaulette]

While this hasn't gone to full-on stalking you do not want to even try to reason with an individual like this. Because that kind of overinvesting in insisting on contact with a near-stranger who just talked once to someone is a bit scary.

 

He's blocked, make sure he cant' find you on any social media or even go in now and block his FB page, etc. if he has one so he can't find you.

 

And never, ever, ever respond to him except to wave and run away with "Sorry, I'm late. Gotta run," while you book it in the opposite direction. If he gets a response from you on the 99th call/text/attempt at contact he will simply decide you can be reached if he tries hard enough and he'll redouble his efforts to get to that 101th time and keep on going convinced sooner or later you'll answer him.

 

I had a woman years ago who decided we should be besties simply because we were moms who lived in the same area. Trouble was her kids were atrociously behaved and she was busy trying to score drugs every time we went out, in spite of my saying I disapproved, wanted no part in it, etc.

 

Thank god she never knew where I lived. I just waited it out until the phone calls stopped, couldn't block a number in those days. And did the whole "Oh hey, hi. I'm sorry, I gotta run, they keep me hopping," then scurrying away like mad.

 

She eventually got the hint. He will too. Just keep ignoring and avoiding until he goes away.

[evad1]

If it were me I'd be honest. Blocking him is great but nothing pushes someone away like telling them "I don't want to hang out with you and you annoy me". Good luck.

YOU WONT LIKE ME WHEN IM ANGRY.

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[ke529az]

Like I said before, telling him he annoys me is engaging in a confrontation (even perceived) that then begs a response. he's a big and tough dude, I don't think I would want to run into him on the street accidentally after I told him you annoy me. I do appreciate you help though.

[ke529az]

I don't think he has a FB page. Not engaging him if he comes up to me on a hike or on the street is a good strategy, thanks.

[ke529az]

I probably should not view his rejected texts but I think keeping an eye on his communications helps me assess any potential threat level or hopefully, his giving up and moving on...