Shall i hang on or move on ?

[hopehigh]

Hi,

Ive been going out with this guy for four times in which that i suggest to meet up the last 3 dates since I'm pretty far from him with him planning where the meet up will be.

 

Previously we do text back and forth quite frequently with mostly im the one initiating the conversation.

however, he went missing after the 4th date and came texting me after 10 days and another 10 days and he takes very long to respond and he is only responding when he is feeling so. till now he had not replied me yet. by the way, i will be having my final exams soon that i dun think this is any concern of.

 

I was hoping that he would decline the 4th date to meet up however he didnt.

i am confused now with the mixed signals that he is giving.

 

Shall i hang on or move on?

[IAmFCA]

Do you like him , as he is? He likes you enough to make sure to reach out every ten days or so. If that works for you, keep going. Assume he will continue same as he is now.

[angrythoughts]

If someone likes you they're not gonna respond every 10 days. That doesn't even make sense. When you truly like someone you'd want to talk to them more often. Did he express that he has feelings for you?

[IAmFCA]

If someone likes you they're not gonna respond every 10 days. That doesn't even make sense. When you truly like someone you'd want to talk to them more often. Did he express that he has feelings for you?

 

Yes, if they like that person best.

 

This on off thing happens when we like someone enough but not the most.

 

My point is, who cares? Get in control. If we don't like how someone is responding, then why keep hanging on? If she likes him, as he has shown himself to be, then she can play it out and see what happens.

[Tanzi]

Move on.

 

He's only interested if you do all the work and most likely if he has nothing else going on. This is on his terms .... which are lazy at best. He isn't interested enough to make any effort and it will most likely fade into nothing. May as well end it now before you get drawn in any deeper.

[IAmFCA]

Move on.

 

He's only interested if you do all the work and most likely if he has nothing else going on. This is on his terms .... which are lazy at best. He isn't interested enough to make any effort and it will most likely fade into nothing. May as well end it now before you get drawn in any deeper.

 

I agree with this completely.

 

But OP, accept as truth- we will never know how other people feel about us. Rather than wonder if this guy chooses you, decide Who do you choose?

[ParisPaulette]

It means he's seeing others, but he'll take whatever you offer. That's just because people are inherently lazy, some anyways, and if they think they can get a booty call out of the deal or free food or just someone else to make an effort instead of them then they'll go with it.

 

This does not mean they are interested in a two-way street. Ten days to respond to you tells me he's not all that interest, but yeah sure if you'll do all the work he'll say yes in the hopes of getting laid.

 

Just don't expect anything more. I'd personally have blocked and deleted and moved on by now to find someone more interested.

[Batya33]

It's not mixed signals. You asked him out 3 times. It's his turn, long time coming. If he's not picking up the ball that is in his court then he's not interested in dating you - please do not take it personally but it's better for moving on to remind yourself that it's not mixed signals -he is not asking you out so it is clear he is not interested in having a date with you. And it's ok. Just don't waste your time chatting with someone who is not stepping up to the plate. You stepped up to the plate 3 times -he can too and he has chosen not to. Next.

[holistic17]

Move on sweetie. If you're questioning the situation, and feel his communication is not consistent enough for you (which it isn't really), then cut your losses and let it go. A man will make a consistent effort if he really wants you in his life. You can do better than this so take control and leave it.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he's multidating locally or has a local on/off gf. You should be doing the same. Date local guys for better results and things should be mutual, not you chasing and them retreating for extended periods of time here and there. It shows very low interest. he went missing after the 4th date and came texting me after 10 days and another 10 days and he takes very long to respond.

[hopehigh]

Well, yesterday while texting, i did mention that i be going down to his city for a 2 days course and asked him for suggestion what can i do after the course. He suggested that we can go out eat or for a drink and if it is too rush, we can have it another time. I din plan to ask him out after the 4th date.

Is this consider a date or a hangout that he asked? Im not sure what shall i do now. A yes or no?

[Tanzi]

Is this consider a date or a hangout that he asked? Im not sure what shall i do now. A yes or no?

 

Well given the deal so far, it would seem more like a hangout because you happen to be close by. It's up to you what you do but it's unlikely to change anything. Once home things will still continue to move at a snail's pace. Personally, I wouldn't bother.

[hopehigh]

Thinking about it, does this considered as i had initiated the meet up?

Shall i turn him down this time in order that he will get the hint that he needs to date me out instead waiting me to ask him out which has been a habit meanwhile i have a clearer picture of what he is?

If so, what would be the best way to do!

[Tanzi]

Does it really matter at this point who really initiated it? The question is should you bother with this guy at all. It was just his seemingly lazy way of going about things. You started the ball rolling, he picked it up. Whether he throws it back again (ie. follows it up) remains to be seen.

 

Turning him down in order to give him some kind of hint is a waste of time. Where's the hint? It's just you saying no. It's quite simple, you just wait to see if he contacts you and asks to meet up with you whether it's here or there. Let him do the initiating from now on but if he still takes 10 days to contact you, you can bet your bottom dollar he ain't after anything serious.

[Batya33]

I think it's fine if you want to meet up with him but with the expectation that it's just to hang out and only if you're not going to have expectations that he wants to continue dating you. Do you think he would have asked you out on a date if you hadn't mentioned you'd be in his area?

[hopehigh]

Deep down, i really think he will not ask me out if i hadnt mentioned that i am near his area

[IAmFCA]

Deep down, i really think he will not ask me out if i hadnt mentioned that i am near his area

 

Stop. Just stop. I have done this kind of thinking so many times and it turns out to have luttle value. Instead, forget about trying to teach him how you want to be treated. Forget about wondering if he likes you. Whether he would ask you out. Forget about whether it will become something.

 

Live in the moment. You will be in his town and want to see him, so you let him know and he made a plan. Good on both your parts. Go out, have fun, finish your trip and go home.

 

Then focus on your path, friends close by, excelling in your various goals and community service. He doesn't serve your purposes and therefore does not warrant your focus.