Is it okay to ask for space/distance when you're already long distance?

[Music13]

I'm 21, my partner is 25. We fought yesterday but it's not the first time it happens. I think fights are normal but it becomes a bit too frequent in our relationship.

I don't feel really good right now. I have different personal problems which cause me depression. I've tried to talk of them with my SO, but I decided, for my own health and for the health of my relationship, to ask for external help.

 

This morning, I think I've reached a point in my life where I don't really know what to do anymore. I felt bad for complaining after him while he obviously try his best and I told him I would take my distance for a while in order to solve my problems. He hasn't answered yet and I love him very much. We are together since a long time and plan to live together eventually. I just have trouble to separate personal issues to love life and that's why I asked time away. I told him I didn't want to break up. So I hope he will understand.

 

Do you think it's okay, at one point in a relationship, to ask for distance ? it's the first time I reach a very low mental state with someone involved in my love life. So, I don't know if it's something that we can do.

 

Somehow, I worry we will lose each other because of that which I don't want. I'm also scared to lose him because of the depression or him finding it unattractive but I really do need to find a balance in my life. Otherwise, I'll lose him for real.

[Andrina]

I really don't think you love him, as there would never be a reason if you did, to not want him to be a part of your daily life. You obviously aren't mentally prepared to be in a relationship right now. You can't be the partner he needs, and you aren't looking to a partner for support, and so you should be by yourself and continue in the good direction you're going.

 

Don't fret leaving a relationship where fights are too frequent. It means the relationship isn't right for you. At 21, your brain is still maturing and won't reach full maturity until about age 25. You will continue to learn from relationships and will see what you want and what is toxic. Better to stick to local dating when you're ready again. Long distance relationships are much harder, even for established couples who have to move away for jobs or education. If you start long distance without initially meeting locally, the rate of success is minimal.

 

Good luck in your quest for good mental health. You need to concentrate on that now.

[MissCanuck]

You have done what is best for you. If you need time by yourself, you are most certainly entitled to take it.

 

Having said that, you have to understand that most people will be very hurt by their partner requesting space. Given that you are already long-distance, asking for space sounds like a break-up. That is why he hasn't replied to you yet. He is probably very upset to have received your message. You might not want to break-up, but he may now be considering it.

 

I think you need to speak to him on the phone or Skype/FaceTime - sending that message via text was not a good idea. (I gather that's how you delivered this news?) A message is cold and impersonal, especially if you have been together a long time. There is too much room for misunderstanding. Perhaps, if you speak live, you can explain yourself more clearly and hear what he has to say. I think that will be your only shot at salvaging this.

[Music13]

It's not that I don't love him. I tried to explain to him my concerns and issues but he doesn't really understand what is depression and think it's just complaining for nothing. So I think it's better if I don't include him in some things of my life. I do that to avoid me being hurt and to avoid him feeling bad for not understanding. I did asked for support. I included him in my daily life. He came to visit me lately and it was amazing and I opened up..

Im just not sure of how to deal with the situation anymore..

thanks for the reply though

[Music13]

He replied to me telling me he was busy and would answer later. He didn't seem upset at all finally ..

 

We talk a lot by text messages. So, I manage to try not to be too cold. I told him I loved him very much. That it wasn't a break up, but that I just had to deal with my problems for a while by myself..

 

Thank you too for the reply. It's appreciated.