Should I wait? Am I overthinking?

[el13a8eth]

My ex and I still like one another, we broke up recently after 2 yrs because of his depression he couldn't handle a relationship anymore - part of it being he thought I was out of his league and just too good for him. We're still friends and we have kind of fallen back into the relationship behaviour we used to have at times (when we broke up I tried hard to act more of how I would with a friend if that makes sense?) every time it happens he ends up saying that he still likes me but he doesn't think it should happen again or that it's not good idea but I don't understand why? Both of us are instigating it and he knows that I respect he can't be in a relationship atm and I still like him and he still likes me so I don't understand why we can't just kiss or cuddle and be affectionate without strings attached? Ive asked him before if he didn't think we'd be together ever again so that I could try to deal with it and just try to make myself stop being in love with him but he doesn't know. I love him and being the hopeless idealist I am, I want to wait and hold on but this is confusing and I don't want to have to have my heart broken twice but I don't want to give up and lose him either? This might be confusing but I just need an outsiders opinion😔

[gebaird]

You can't have a no strings attached relationship with someone you love who loves you in return. It doesn't work. Kissing and cuddling and being affectionate create bonds between people. His depression is causing him to self-isolate; he doesn't feel he deserves you, and he doesn't want to hold you back. The easiest choice would probably be to let him go. The only chance for this relationship to work, and it's a slim chance, is for him to get treatment for his depression.

[SooSad33]

Don't want your heart broken twice? Then you have to stop ALL interactions and stop letting this drag on.

 

You can't be just 'friends' with someone you've still got those feelings for.

 

HE broke it off.. and is depressed? Then I think YOU have to be the bigger one and act.

You need to be the one to step up and stop this.

 

In reality, you two are NOT involved anymore.. and It's dragging b ecause you're letting it.... then it'll just keep hurting.

 

He is damaged.. he is in a very 'low' state of mind, if he is depressed. he may be still leaning on you because of this.

But.. in the end, this may end up one bigger mess.

 

he is not mentally and emotionally sound, when depressed.

 

So-- might be best to back off, totally and let him work on himself, like he said he needs to to.. right?

 

Might be an idea to do some research on depression to understand such mental illness.

I deal with it too.. and yes, I;ve been in those 'lows'.. and I've pushed others away. BUT, I know now of my issue's and I am NOT involved at this time of my life.

I am dealing with everything on my own, since I KNOW I have nothing to give.

 

So.. might be best for you to respectfully stop everything that's is going on,, especially if he has spoken up and broken things off.

[browser]

If I was in your position I wouldn't wait around and I certainly wouldnt go for a partial no strings attached friends with benefits sexual situation with someone who dumped you.

[el13a8eth]

I understand that a relationship would not be good anytime soon, it was a mutual break up that he tried very hard to avoid but I had brought it up for a few weeks because I could see he was struggling to keep his life balanced and in a good place esp with anxieties about starting uni but I do think that he needs a friend right now at least as we were close friends for a while before we went out

[Anon333]

I understand wanting to hold on because the hardest part of a break up is losing the person....Your best friend, the person you run to if you have exciting news or need support. Its a lonely road breaking up and cutting that person out of your life while memories play and replay in your head. Im going through the same thing. I believe my boyfriend broke up with me due to depression. We struggled for months of him being unsure and going back and forth and finally he cut all contact last week. He said he needs space to get his head clear and really needs to be alone. He is starting therapy. He says he loves me but he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and he needs to get his head straight. It has only been 4 days but it literally feels like eternity not hearing from him. I was angry and devastated at first but now I realize it was for the best and the only viable option. And I think it is the same for you. I want to be there for my ex because I love him and I know he is going through a hard time. But this time apart is for him to concentrate on himself and me to concentrate on myself and all the thoughts and emotions will eventually become clearer with time. It sounds like he can't be there for you emotionally and is trying to be honest and although it hurts him to lose you I know he wouldn't want to hurt you any more or string you along by keeping up a pseudo relationship.. Cutting ties is the hardest thing to do because I am right there with you and cry the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed, but at least I know that it is part of a healing process instead of still being in contact with him and pushing him more and confusing and hurting myself more..

[el13a8eth]

Ngl this was probably the nicest, best and most understanding reply to my problem, reading this months later it still is 100% true and correct. Even though I can say I'm probably 90% over him now, we are still super close friends and he's a lot better now! I wish I'd read this earlier because it would've made me feel so much better but reading it now it makes me happy that some one out there knew the right thing to say and just understood - I hope you're just as good if not better than I am, I wish you all the best ❤️