Is this proper behavior in a relationship?

[Down-In-A-Hole]

My girlfriend tends to make comments that hurt my feelings.

 

For example, she was on the phone with her mom the other day and they were talking about my girlfriend's sister's ex (the mom had just run into him at the grocery store). During the duration of the topic of how great he was, my girlfriend said "I always wanted to marry him, it's too bad he's married now huh?"

 

Another example was last night, when we were watching TV together and she flipped on a channel and said "Oh! it's Ben (Affleck), my boyfriend." And i'm like, "your boyfriend?" She's like, "yeah, he just doesn't know it yet."

 

Granted, all these things are all fantasies and won't come true...but it still makes me feel inadequate. I feel like she's unsatisfied with me when she says these things.

 

Of course, i've gotten to the point where I don't bring it up because she just thinks "i'm too sensitive" and stupid for feeling that way.

 

Maybe I'm just too sensitive of a guy for her. Are there girls out there that understand my dilemma and would respect my feelings? Or am I wrong here?

[Nifty_Swifty1]

I would feel a little down about those kinds of comments too. I would say something about it. It's not exactly mature behavior… I guess I don't know her age, but at 16 or something I can see it being a bit more common.

[CG]

Down-In-A-Hole,

 

What if she just wants to test you? Your reaction to some sort of "not a very easy situation" and she wants to see how you handle it?

Do you get angry.. silent.. or talk? or laugh it off?

Women want to make sure men are good in bad situations too, so they tend to test men, especially young women are very prone to do so.

 

Advice: laugh it off, make a joke of it. Show her that you do not care about her "stupid" remarks and you rather turn it into joke.

[xmrth]

I've probably said something like that twice in my 5 yr relationship. I said it like I meant it, but I was really joking, and it was a test.

If you show you don't care (but you have to respond somehow.. like laugh as if you don't care) she'll stop. It's no fun with a negative reaction, which is even less fun than no reaction.

I don't think it's right at all.. maybe just as a joke, but not for all the time.

[CG]

I said it like I meant it, but I was really joking, and it was a test.

 

Down-In-A-Hole,

You see? it is usually a test! You need just to pass it by showing you dont care, preferable laugh it off.

[Cecelius]

Everyone above pegged it as a test (even if she doesn't know that's what it is). Every time you get wounded or talk to her about it in a vulnerable way, you lose points on the test.

 

The best policy is not to take tests: shut them down. On the past b/f getting married comments, have no reaction the first time, the second time say something like "I guess you were too much woman for him...". The third time, tell her that your sure he wouldn't mind having her on the side, and you don't mind sharing...

 

Blow off the Ben Affleck thing. Just oogle the next hot girl on TV.

[guapa]

i disagree with the last post. i don't think you should play the same game. i think you could tell her how you feel and if she doesn't respect you and your feelings you should break up with her.

 

If she can't listen to your feelings and respect you whats the point of being with her anyways. I will always respect my mans feelings.

[Cecelius]

i disagree with the last post. i don't think you should play the same game. i think you could tell her how you feel and if she doesn't respect you and your feelings you should break up with her.

 

If she can't listen to your feelings and respect you whats the point of being with her anyways. I will always respect my mans feelings.

 

I agree about not playing games. My suggestion was to blow it off, then make a joke of it, etc., if she fails to correct it.

 

It's not an issue of feelings -- he's a man, he's got control of his feelings AND, most importantly, on a dopey girl test like this he'd definitely not going to dignify it with a serious talk about his feelings.

 

She shows you contempt, show her it won't be tolerated. If she keeps doing it, she's telling you to get lost.

[guapa]

Granted, all these things are all fantasies and won't come true...but it still makes me feel inadequate. I feel like she's unsatisfied with me when she says these things.

 

Of course, i've gotten to the point where I don't bring it up because she just thinks "i'm too sensitive" and stupid for feeling that way.

Granted, all these things are all fantasies and won't come true...but it still makes me feel inadequate. I feel like she's unsatisfied with me when she says these things.

 

Of course, i've gotten to the point where I don't bring it up because she just thinks "i'm too sensitive" and stupid for feeling that way.

 

"Just oogling the next hot girl" IS playing games, I beg to differ.

 

It seems from the Above post that it IS about feelings as well... Not to argue, but I think being REAL is the only TRUE way for someone to be. And the way I see it - if she doesn't respect your feelings, then she is too immature for you and you could, instead of seeing it like you're too sensitive, see it as she is just disrespectful of you. I think it's really twisted when people treat other people like they are wrong for having feelings.