Pregnant and he isn't divorced....help!

[Troubled Girl]

I really need some help. I have been dating a married man for 4 years now. He left his wife a year and a half ago but because of many issues involved (mostly financial) he is taking things slow with her so their divorce can go smooth.

 

She knows about me, that we want to get married and have children (she does hate me though) but does not expect a pregnancy this soon. I am only 2 months and don't know what to do. We have not decided wether we are going to keep the baby or not. I feel he really wants me to have an abortion so things will not get complicated for him but at the same time he wants to have the child.

 

For me, I really want to keep this child. I have had 2 abortions in the past while he was still living with his wife so she wouldnt find out anything but I dont think I can handle it emotionally anymore. At the same time I am scared for our future...will this pregnancy cause his divorce to become very sour? If she takes everything we have will we be able to survive with this baby afterwards?

 

I am scared, confused and can't stop crying....please help, not judge....

[Heretic]

Don't worry. No one is going to judge you here. If they do, ignore them.

 

I'm not sure I can relate but this must have been very hard for you in the past. I'm sorry that you feel forced to have another abortion. This isn't something anyone should have to go through. What you have to understand is aborting isn't evil, and it's certainly not going to send you to hell. However at the same time it is your choice. It's your body.

 

On the other hand however I still believe that the father has the right to not only know what's going to happen but try to "sway the vote" so to speak.

 

This scenario is a tough one and must be approached carefully, however have faith in yourself. You can do whatever it is you need to do. Whether it's aborting or keeping the baby know when you make that choice you made the right one. Never let anyone try to convince you after the fact you're wrong.

 

I hope he can get a divorce soon, and you should push for him to get one ASAP. The sooner he gets it the better his chances are at getting a better settlement. If he keeps his affair up no judge is honestly going to rule in his favor.

 

Good luck, I wish you the best. I know you'll do the right thing.

[taken]

first off this is your baby. i think you should decide. think about it long and hard though. have you maybe thought of adoption? dont kill your child. that is murder! im not here to criticize you, but you really got yourself into a bad situation. you're dating a married man for heavens sake!

second, pray about what you are gonna do. i am a born again christian so i personally know that prayer works. just ask god to help you make the right decision. abortion is murder though. just think about it once that egg drops there is a life inside of you. when you have an abortion you are killing your baby which is murder. even though it may be a fetus its still alive. just pray about it.

make the right decision. dont be too hasty about it though. God will help you if you ask him.

[Troubled Girl]

Thank you so much for your reply. I think your words were right in that I do feel pressured (not directly) to have another abortion. He has worked so hard for everything that he has and I don't want him to have to start over.

 

They are only separated and haven't started the divorce, or even negotiation process yet. He was trying to let her get her life back together after he left her so she wouldnt be as bitter...I am totally ok with this and altough I would like to marry him now, I love him too much to force him into anything...I am totally supportive of him regardless of the outcome.

 

Do you think it would be selfish if I asked him to keep the baby and we dealt with the consequences together?? Do you think he might resent me or the baby for this in the future?

 

Thanks for your help

[Heretic]

taken, you're not helping her... you're forcing your opinions on her. Shame on you. If you knew anything about christianity you'd know it preaches forgiveness, understanding and love. There is a lack of those three qualities in your letter. As with the story with Jesus and the prositute, "let he who has never sinned cast the first stone" You have sinned. You cannot say whether her choice was right and wrong. Jesus believes that people can make their own decisions why can't you?

 

Learn from your own faith before you go pushing it on other people.

 

As for you troubled:

 

It is not selfish to have the child. It is your's to have, and I think you'll make a wonderful mother from the sounds of things. Just make sure he knows it's coming and DO NOT let him tell you it's the wrong thing to do if you don't think it is.

[taken]

heretic,

i am sorry if it came out that way. i certainly did not mean to push my beliefs on her. yes, i know i have sinned " All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." romans 3:23

i do know how to forgive! i think that murder is murder no matter how you may try to make it look good. it's not. do you believe that abortion is the right thing to do in a situation like this? i dont.

troubled girl: im sorry if i pushed my faith and my beliefs on you. i hope you can forgive me. although this is a support group type of thing. i am just trying to help you see what it is that i believe. i hope you did. it really is your choice. i think you will be much happier if you have this baby. i dont think he will resent you or thid baby if you choose to have it.

i pray you make the right decision.

[69HondaRaceGirl23]

DO NOT EVER feel that you shouldnt ask him to keep the baby if it is what you want. I relate to you well, though i am only 16 I had an abortion last october b/c i was with my boyfriend and i got pregnant from a one night stand..not a day goes by that i don't wish i could see my babies face, or wonder whether it was a boy or girl...please please please, for ur emotional stability and for your babies sake, make the decision that owuld best benefit the both of you...i know the pain you are feeling must be tremendous, and I would not dream of judging you but I want you to know, that there are so many things that you could do to keep ur baby, not only that there is always adoption. THough, i know I could never do that, its better then knowing ur child will never see the sun shine...but try to find god in this mess and let him guide you. He will help you, even if you aren't a believer, just give hima chance, i promise he knows what hes doing..good luck and God Bless

[Rain533]

Well the best thing I can do is give you the advice I would give a close friend. If you want to have this baby, then you should. Something is wrong if you to love each other plan to get married and keep haveing abortions. Money should never be the factor of you two keeping this baby. It sounds like you really want this and if he loves you we would never ask you to do that in the first place let alone three times. There are two things that I want you to think about. 1. If he cheated on his wife with you when what would stop him from cheating on you one day? 2. You say that this man really loves you and if that is true then he would have gotten a divorice right away and money would not keep him from the one that he loves. I'm not saying that he doesn't love you but you really need to take a good look at the relationship, are you staying with him because you are scared to start over with someone else and put your self in his place, would you ever ask him to give up a baby that you know he wanted, or would money ever keep you away from him? GOOD LUCK TO YOU

[Alli2128]

I would suggest that you not have an abortion. If you want this baby dont let anyone talk you out of it. I myself have been the mistress of a married man for two years now. We have a 3 month old beautiful daughter together and I wouldn't give her up for the world. Although he is still married and living with his wife, everything is wonderful. She knows about the baby, and is very understanding and loves our child very much. They get her whenever they want, at least one night a week and she treats her as her own child. She's not happy about the affair, but she made the choice to stay with him.

 

I wish the best for you and I hope you make the right decision. A child is a gift from God, so you never would have gotten pregnant unless it was meant to be.