How to let someone down easy

[katrina1980]

I definitely never said 6 years, I may have referenced a relationship I was in prior for 6 years. And I'm not sure what my previous posts have to do with this. I am thankful for the advice I received pertaining to the issue, I never said I didn't allow this to happen but it wasn't intentional we were working every shift together and s friendship developed I didn't realize he would become interested.

 

Okay fair enough. But you must've noticed that he had a little (or big) crush on you before this, no?

 

That is when you should have pulled back so as to not mis-lead him.

 

I presume you didn't (pull back)... and he has now confessed feelings for you, most likely because he assumed you had feelings for him too, based on your actions (i.e. "friendliness").

 

I only brought up the other threads to show that, instead of introspecting and looking within to determine how YOU may have contributed to this situation and others that occur in your life, you're quick to take offense and become defensive. I mean no disrespect, just something I noticed.

 

In any event, as I and most other posters said, you will need to be assertive. There is a way to be assertive without being rude and disrespecting him. So there is really no reason for you to presume he will "go off" on you.

 

Just tell him you think he's a great guy but you only envision a friendship between you, PLUS you make it a point to NOT get involved with co-workers, and as such believe it's best to keep your relationship professional.

 

Be firm when you say it.

 

Honestly, he would have to have some serious social, anger and ego issues if he goes off on you after saying that.

 

If he does and/or attempts to make life miserable for you while working, report him to your supervisor.

[Maddyb12]

Okay fair enough. But you must've noticed that he had a little (or big) crush on you before this, no?

 

That is when you should have pulled back so as to not mis-lead him.

 

I presume you didn't (pull back)... and he has now confessed feelings for you, most likely because he assumed you had feelings for him too, based on your actions (i.e. "friendliness").

 

I only brought up the other threads to show that, instead of introspecting and looking within to determine how YOU may have contributed to this situation and others that occur in your life, you're quick to take offense and become defensive. I mean no disrespect, just something I noticed.

 

In any event, as I and most other posters said, you will need to be assertive. There is a way to be assertive without being rude and disrespecting him. So there is really no reason for you to presume he will "go off" on you.

 

Just tell him you think he's a great guy but you only envision a friendship between you, PLUS you make it a point to NOT get involved with co-workers, and as such believe it's best to keep your relationship professional.

 

Be firm when you say it.

 

Honestly, he would have to have some serious social, anger and ego issues if he goes off on you after saying that.

 

If he does and/or attempts to make life miserable for you while working, report him to your supervisor.

 

He didn't think I had feelings for him, he approached my close friend and told her he had feelings for me and she mentioned not to say anything and he said he knew I "probablt didn't feel the same way"so I really have no idea what prompted him to confess these feelings. Yes I should have pulled back but i really thought i was treating him as a friend and just that-like I do my other male coworkers. I know I contributed to this but it wasn't intentional, I wasn't trying to get defense but some of the things mentioned previously about only talking with him because of his looks Etc... We're a little out there. I think mentioning not wanting to involve myself with someone j work with is good, thank you.

[katrina1980]

He didn't think I had feelings for him, he approached my close friend and told her he had feelings for me and she mentioned not to say anything and he said he knew I "probablt didn't feel the same way"so I really have no idea what prompted him to confess these feelings. Yes I should have pulled back but i really thought i was treating him as a friend and just that-like I do my other male coworkers. I know I contributed to this but it wasn't intentional, I wasn't trying to get defense but some of the things mentioned previously about only talking with him because of his looks Etc... We're a little out there. I think mentioning not wanting to involve myself with someone j work with is good, thank you.

 

It doesn't have to be intentional for people to realize that they usually, if not always, play a role in what happens to them in life.

 

For example, I walk home from work every night. Now it's total darkness when I leave so I make it a point to not cut through the park like I do in the spring/summer when it's light out.... cause a few women have been attacked at that park at night so I avoid. Chances of that happening to me at 6:30 pm in the evening are slim to none, but I avoid anyway. It takes me twice as long to get home when I don't but to me it's worth it.

 

IF I were to cut through the park and get attacked, you'd probably be saying it wasn't MY fault I was attacked.

 

But you see, in a way it was, because I CHOSE to walk through the park knowing that it was possible I would be attacked.

 

And if I were attacked (shudders), I would own MY part in that, take responsibility for it.

 

Not sure if this makes sense to you (or anyone) but it does to me because, at the end of the day, what happens to me in MY life is MY responsibility.

 

Anyway, what's done is done. He has confessed his feelings and you don't feel the same.

 

So just say what I suggested, which is a bit softer than what Sportster proposed, but his is good too if you choose to go that route.

 

Good luck Maddy!

[reinventmyself]

He didn't think I had feelings for him, he approached my close friend and told her he had feelings for me and she mentioned not to say anything and he said he knew I "probablt didn't feel the same way"so I really have no idea what prompted him to confess these feelings. Yes I should have pulled back but i really thought i was treating him as a friend and just that-like I do my other male coworkers. I.

 

If he hasn't told you directly then it's possible you may not have to say anything to him at all.

Besides, he already stated he senses you aren't interested.

 

Just distance yourself a little bit until he gets the message.

This may be all for nothing.

Play it by ear.

 

Nicest thing you could say. . `Too bad we are coworkers. . I can't date coworkers. I am glad to have you as a friend, though'

[Maddyb12]

If he hasn't told you directly then it's possible you may not have to say anything to him at all.

Besides, he already stated he senses you aren't interested.

 

Just distance yourself a little bit until he gets the message.

This may be all for nothing.

Play it by ear.

 

Nicest thing you could say. . `Too bad we are coworkers. . I can't date coworkers. I am glad to have you as a friend, though'

 

He told me directly about a week ago. I think I'm going to go the route of telling him I won't date coworkers and have feelings for someone else.

[Lucha]

I agree with SoulTaker and katrina.

 

Have you ever been on the other side, having a crush on someone and it not being reciprocated? Then you should know that there is no way to be 'let down easy'. By prolonging the process you are making it more difficult, though. I understand this is coming both from feelings of concern for how it will affect him and how he will handle it. This however is his part, not yours. You are not doing him any favors by not being clear.

 

The easiest way out of this? Let him know firmly and clear you aren't interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him. And please do not tell him you have feelings for someone else, even if you do. That really is a slap in the face after having someone pour a bucket of cold water over your head!