Why do men look at porn?

[Jamiegirl]

Why do men look at porn especially when they have a girlfriend? whats that all about?

[SwingFox]

Hi there Jamie,

 

I moved your question to a different forum as you might see. If you look at the top of this page, right above the title of your initial post, you will see Home -> Forum -> Porn. Click on 'Porn' to find more posting regarding this subject. So much has been said about his already and I think you will find some recent postings very helpful.

 

Good luck

 

~ SwingFox ~

[KM]

It's one thing to look at porn if you're not in a relationship, but if you have a girlfriend, and especially if you're married, men shouldn't watch the porn stuff...

 

Me, I'm a guy, if I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend, I could control myself...

[uncledave]

don't you ever dream that you are on a desert island,

dont you ever want a different car to the one that you drive

or a different hairstyle?

 

men have a biological clock that works to ensure that they are always fertile, every few days most men have to masturbate to freshen the supply of sperm.

 

my wife enjoys looking at porn to its not just men

 

oh and the sarcastic answer....

 

porn is mostly free, doesn't say no, doesn't have a headache, lasts forever, its bum doesn't look big in this, and you can change it when you get bored with it D'OH!

[Jamiegirl]

don't you ever dream that you are on a desert island,

dont you ever want a different car to the one that you drive

or a different hairstyle?

 

men have a biological clock that works to ensure that they are always fertile, every few days most men have to masturbate to freshen the supply of sperm.

 

my wife enjoys looking at porn to its not just men

 

oh and the sarcastic answer....

 

porn is mostly free, doesn't say no, doesn't have a headache, lasts forever, its bum doesn't look big in this, and you can change it when you get bored with it D'OH!

 

So does this mean that the girlfriend or wife doesn't do enough for the man and they have to turn to porn? Does this lead to cheating if they desire other women?

[blumblumshub]

I would say that porn would an alternative to cheating.

 

Why?

Because if a man can handle two women AND masturbate to pornography, then he's got balls of steel!

 

Porn is about escaping from reality. It's about fantasy. Cheating on you would be creating EXTRA reality, and would be a different thing altogether.

 

Later,

Blum

[Jamiegirl]

I would say that porn would an alternative to cheating.

 

Why?

Because if a man can handle two women AND masturbate to pornography, then he's got balls of steel!

 

Porn is about escaping from reality. It's about fantasy. Cheating on you would be creating EXTRA reality, and would be a different thing altogether.

 

Later,

Blum

 

Then why do men have girlfriends or wifes why dont they just stay singleand try to get a threesome or something instead of having a girlfriend and watching porn, I mean whats better than the real thing. right?

[blumblumshub]

Well, we have a girlfriend because we love them and want to have a good real life, and we watch porn to help with a good fantasy life.

 

A healthy fantasy isn't a bad thing. We all watch tv, most of us enjoy a good murder mystery but it doesn't mean that we all want to go out and slaughter our neighbours!

 

To say that your boyfriend is likely to cheat on you because he looks at porn is like saying you think he's going to be a vegetarian because he doesn't eat veal.

 

Talk to him about it. If it turns out that you really can't cope with it, then you might have to find a man that doesn't watch porn. If you ask him to stop it, he probably won't, he'll just do it more secretively, which will make your situation worse.

 

Blum

[sharkgirl]

If you ask him to stop it, he probably won't, he'll just do it more secretively, which will make your situation worse.

 

This is exactly what happened to me. I was gutted. But the thing is, they have done studies and women are extremely visual as well. It took me a long time to battle this out in my head and I am still by no means fully OK with it all, but at least I realise now that it is MY problem and not his. It doesn't harm our relationship and he is not going to cheat on me. I have realized that I can't waste so much time worrying about stuff like this anymore or it WILL drive a wedge between us. It almost did when I kept on about it so much that he installed a 'History Killer' program on his pc because he wanted to hide the stuff he looked at and felt guilty about it. Since then I have tried to be upfront and cool about it so he won't feel it is something to hide. Heck, I even offered to check it out with him and see if we might be able to recreate a bit of it as well. But, I have self esteem issues, always have and this is why sometimes I get bothered by the whole thing and feel that I am not enough for him. But I can assure you, if in moderation it really isn't a bad thing. Don't ever tell him to stop looking at it he will feel resentment and shame, talk to him and try to understand why men do and always will look at it. That's all I can suggest.

 

-Katie

[m3chris]

You know....they also have done studies that prove that MOST women in general get depressed within the first 5 minutes of looking at a glamour magazine. What does that say?.....Women in General need to change their way of thinking? Why can't men do that? Why is it the women's need to change her way of thinking?? And my goodness...this is just a glamour magazine that doesn't show more sensitive parts of the body (for the most part)!!!!

 

Why does the pornography part of a man's life have to be forced onto women who find it offensive? If a woman liked smoke and the guy loved her but found the odor offensive, I guarantee she would be more likely to quit then to change his mind about the smell of it. Isn't that so?

 

Sharkgirl....it was NOT your problem. There is nothing wrong with porn bothering you. I agree with you when you say that porn in moderation is OK....to an extent. Your second half needs to devote his loyalty to you. Its understandable at the beginning of a relationship because things are just starting...and who knows if they are giong to last. But if it starts going on for a long time, then your partner really needs to grow up and take responsibility for the relationship.

 

Working moms like myself don't really have the luxery of having a "fantasy" to escape too cause we are ALWAYS living in the real world. If we don't get that....then where is the logic that the second (and supposedly equal) half of your relationship should be allowed that luxery????

[tazzy]

m3chris, that was a great post.

 

Right on!

[Nessy]

I'm so glad I found you all, because I just found out my boyfriend has porn on his computer!

 

You know, I've been wrestling with the idea, just so it can make some sense to me, but it's hard for me to understand. And it's not like we're *just* dating - we've been going out for over a year and a half.

 

I mean, it's understandable that guys have porn and maybe they won't delete it when they're in a relationship because it takes so long to download or something, but you'd totally think that once they had a girlfriend (and I can't reiterate enough how many guys it seems would love having one, unless she was like insane-o-psycho-girlfriend), they'd be like, "Hmm, don't need the porn anymore".

 

And I totally had that same logic where I was like...A)If he has porn, B) he must have the tendency and capability of cheating on me. My guy friends have totally dubbed that my "girl logic" - No offense to all the girls out there. But damn, you know, that logical leap totally made sense to me.

 

You're not really mad either, but you just feel weird. I was just screwing around on his computer, and looked at the "Recent Files" and was met by the usual colorful titles of porn. I'm not mad now, I think I'm just a little hurt, feeling a little insecure, and a little like I don't know him. Perhaps that is a stretch.

 

My guy friends have noted that there's no real emotional attachment to the porn, and it's a means to an end, and I'm trying really hard to understand and not have the issue come up in my mind when I'm with him. It's not anywhere near the ilk of say Kobe Bryant, but it kinda feels like one of those, "Oh...I just didn't know."

 

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts. It's a sort of embarrassing issue to bring up with your girlfriends, so I was feeling sort of alone. As if I should be cool with the idea, but really, it's just bugging me.

 

-N

[want2bnumb]

Screw the studies! And screw the cop out of oh that's just men! Look I believe it is a respect issue. I just found porn on my husbands computer after 6 years of being together. I didn't like the fact that I didn't know. I asked him about it and he flat out didn't tell the truth. Hell we could have looked at it together. Some of that stuff is funny to laugh about. We didn't share this he kept it hidden. That is the scary part. He is living by the motto of what she doesn't know won't hurt her and I tell the truth based on technicalities. Example: Are you looking at porn sites? No

Reality: I'm looking at porn pop ups, not porn sites! It's about deception, why not just say hey this is what I do and I don't make it a big part of my life but this is it! At least that gives the other person a chance to say yes I accept this or No, I don't want this in my life. You know? And it is a total mind screw! You question their honesty, you question your respect for them, and then you start to wonder about yourself! Am I too fat? Am I getting to old? What is wrong with me? It just sucks! Then you go back and forth! No this is his deal not mine. How do you think men would feel if they found porn on their significant others computers? First they might think wow she is cool. However, they would begin to wonder the same things! Then they would begin to worry if they were going to be left for another woman. Geez!

[Likes the Porno]

Where am I... the Middle Ages?

 

Porn is fine. I am downloading some porn right now. In fact, I only found this forum because I was doing a search for 'porn forum' in the hope of finding some free movies posted by other pornlovers. (really)

 

I was compelled to register just so I could clear this up.

 

There is nothing wrong with porn. Men watch it because they like it. They like it because it's a fantasy.

There is nothing wrong with fantasies. Men and women have them. Perhaps women don't use porn as much, but they certainly do (be honest) fantasise. And the subject of their fantasy is not always their boyfriend.

 

I have a girlfriend of four years. I look at porn. I rarely masturbate when I am looking at porn, but I may use it when I want to masturbate. I look at porn while I am surfing the net... purely because it is a lot more interesting than watching pages download (I have a slow connection).

 

I fantasise about my girlfriend a lot too.

 

Fantasy is essential to men and women as conscious sexual animals. A fantasy is your own, for your own pleasure. it teaches you about yourself, about your desire and about your sexuality. just like masturbation (let's not regress so far into the stone age as to suggest that masturbation is bad).

 

If a man cheats on his girlfriend, it has nothing to do with porn. Porn is not related to cheating in any way. There is no physical contact, there is no relationship, there is no interaction. The man is pleasing himself. He can't cheat with himself.

 

Porn is generally tailored for men. I let my girlfriend know that I look at porn (well, she caught me looking at it, but I never tried to hide it... I didn't tell her beforehand as I was afraid she would react exactly the way most of the posters in this forum have reacted).

She tried looking at it with me, but she didn't like the sight of facial shots and all the other degrading stuff. she didn't like the fact that it was all so synthesised. She wanted to watch people that really loved each other having sex.

 

So we bought 'The Lovers Guide'. If you haven't heard of it, it's a sort of documentary about making love, with real-life couples illustrating scenes.

You should buy it.

 

It was realeased in the mid-80s. The narrator explains how important fantasies are... which backs up my above points. There's some interesting bits in it, but the most important thing about it was the love scenes. They were real.

My girlfriend found them very erotic. We still watch the video on occasion, together. Sometimes she uses it on her own. We went and bought the whole series of Lovers Guides so she didn't get bored of the first one.

 

This is as close to female porn as I have seen. My girlfriend fantasises about it. She likes to watch the men masturbate and the couples make love.

 

She is not by nature a kinky or highly-sexed girl. Quite the opposite, actually. However, this fed her fantasies, and I accept and support that.

 

Ahem, she also thinks Brad Pitt is gorgeous. I'm sure most women do and have perhaps thought about him a few times. I'm sure a lot of women have gone to see a movie PURELY because Brad Pitt was in it.

 

Why?

 

To look at him, cos he's cute of course. He's a fantasy.

 

Not quite porn, but born from the same idea, the same urge that drives people to watch porn.

 

Bottom line: Porn is fantasy. Fantasy is good. thereforeeeee: Porn is good.

Women fantasise too.

 

If you feel inadequate as a woman, it is not because of the porn. Perhaps it is your boyfriend's attitude, perhaps it is your attitude. Men are put in the same position when women fawn over famous movie stars.

I collected my girlfriend from a Chippendale concert once. The women were going ab-sol-ute-ly mental.

 

Should I feel inadequate? Probably. But we love each other and that's the end of it. We like the way each other looks. Neither of us would be movie stars of models, but we are attracted to each other, physically and emotionally, and that is enough.

 

We are honest and open about it. If it is the dishonesty that is upsetting you, then there is a problem with your relationship. Honesty is the cornerstone... blah blah blah...

Of course, it makes it a lot harder to be honest about looking at porn when the prevailing attitude amongst women is that porn is the enemy and looking at it means that he is not satisfied with the way they look.

 

If he didn't like you, he wouldn't be with you.

 

If you have a problem, it is not the porn's fault.

 

So QUIT RAGGING ON THE PORN ALREADY.

[hazerwees]

 

 

I don't know why they look at porn. i caught my man out of bed at 4am trying to hide looking at porn. he tried to clear all the evidence, but this morning I saw the most recent files viewed in the media player. it hurts me so deep - no matter what he says, it still makes me feel so bad. i have been depressed all day at work. i feel alone.