fleeting Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 I'm new here and I joined because I desperately need advice. I met a guy over a year ago and we went on two great dates and after the second one he texted me to say it would never work and to look after myself. I was confused so I contacted him and said I thought we got on well. Anyway he came back to me and we ended up together in bed. Now every time we sleep with one another he says he will contact me soon but then he disappears. Last Christmas I asked him what the story was and he broke up with me over text. I was devastated. In January he came back and we started seeing each other again. This went on until April when he suddenly disappeared this time for five months. In August he came back again like a new man all nice to me and being very sweet. I decided not to sleep with him until I was sure and waited a while. The yet again we were together and now I have not heard from him in a month. It seems obvious to the reader that he might be using me but he honestly is a very nice and genuine person who always talks to me and cares about how I'm doing. We never argue and really get on well. He said he is single and I know he isn't married and I know he doesn't have a full time girlfriend. He is a very busy person but this has gone beyond a joke now. If I didn't love him I wouldn't have bothered with him from day one but I feel like something good may come out of it if I give him time. But I'm getting older and I want to settle down and have a family. I wonder am I wasting precious time here? I texted him and told him I deserve better and after a year nothing has changed and he seems to only want one thing. he ignores all my texts. I don't even know if it will be months again before I see him. I'm not a fool and for some reason he is getting away with this while if it was another man I would have ended it a long time ago. I don't know what to do here. I have gone on loads of dates in the meantime and have met some really horrible men who called me fat, ugly and worthless. I even had to call the police over one of them who threatened me. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 fleeting... I am not one to mince words so allow me to give it to you straight. I don’t really get what’s there to be confused about. After two dates he told you it wouldn’t work between you (translation: I’m not into you, move on). Apparently, for reasons unbeknownst to me, you couldn’t accept that, used your sexuality to lure him back, had sex with him, he disappeared, you took him back, had more sex, he disappeared again…. rinse repeat. Nothing to be confused about, the guy isn’t into you and never was. He keeps coming back because he’s horny, he wants sex and you’re available. Period end of. If you want more, you’re NOT gonna get it with him. I think you should muster up whatever self-respect you have left, and move on from this guy. He doesn’t give a crap. I'm sorry.... Link to comment
fleeting Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 He definitely cares some bit. I never lured him with anything, we often spent time together and never had sex. I don't think it's as clear cut as him using me. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 He definitely cares some bit. I never lured him with anything, we often spent time together and never had sex. I don't think it's as clear cut as him using me. fleeting, the below quote taken from your original post seems to contradict this^. I texted him and told him I deserve better and after a year nothing has changed and he seems to only want one thing. he ignores all my texts. I don't even know if it will be months again before I see him. I'm not a fool and for some reason he is getting away with this while if it was another man I would have ended it a long time ago. . You also seem quite aware of how foolish you are being even though you deny being such. So yeah I DO think it's pretty clear cut and I think you know this too. Please move away from this guy. I won't even call him a "bad" guy per se, because he has been quite honest with you straight from the get go. He told you it would never work and has made no promises since. He keeps returning for sex, because YOU allow him to. If you don't want to be treated like yesterday's newspaper, STOP allowing it. That's on you. I do agree with you though that HE isn't using you. YOU are allowing yourself to be used, big difference. Anyway, your choice hun. HE isn't gonna change that's for darn sure. Best of luck. Link to comment
fleeting Posted September 30, 2016 Author Share Posted September 30, 2016 What's with referring to me as 'yesterday's newspapers'. I don't find that particularly helpful tbh. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 What's with referring to me as 'yesterday's newspapers'. I don't find that particularly helpful tbh. It's just a figure of speech meaning he's not interested in anything more than what he chooses to give ... whenever it strikes his fancy. Every few months or whatever. Didn't mean to offend and apologies if I did. Anyway, nuff said from me. Best of luck. Link to comment
greta96 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 I'm not sure why are you saying he cares about you, because nothing in your post suggests he does. Or, he cares, but for one thing only - sex. Of course you are wasting precious time, a guy who intends to make you his one and only will never, ever act the way this guy does, he would never disappear or use you for sex. I don't see any confusion here, to me it's clear as day. If you want a family, toughen up and don't let him come back to you for yet another round, block him and start looking for a man who can give you the things you want. This one is not it, and will never be. He has made it crystal clear. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 30, 2016 Share Posted September 30, 2016 Unfortunately it sounds like an on/off relationship even though he is nice when you are together. If you want a solid sustained relationship, then yes this is a waste of time. It sounds like he is dating lots of women and comes around from time to time. It would be best to go no contact and block him and move on to meet men who want the same things you do.then he disappears. he suddenly disappeared this time for five months. now I have not heard from him in a month. he ignores all my texts. Link to comment
fleeting Posted October 5, 2016 Author Share Posted October 5, 2016 I've decided not to ever speak to him again. I can't take anymore from the situation. Link to comment
SkellyWoozle Posted October 5, 2016 Share Posted October 5, 2016 I've decided not to ever speak to him again. I can't take anymore from the situation. Make sure you don't. ... or the same thing will happen for sure Link to comment
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