Looking at you vs. LOOKING AT YOU

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Hey, I am wondering what is the difference between making casual eye contact with someone a lot as opposed to checking them out. I had this woman who was seemingly watching me from afar for a long time, around 2-3 years, and we never spoke a word but I saw that she was looking at me a lot. I figured that this was my shot, but I chickened out a lot. Yesterday however, I found out that she's married when I saw an engagement ring and wedding ring on her finger. I thought that she was giving me signals that she was interested or found me attractive, but even if this was the case (?) what was she doing in these two years? Perhaps it was my imagination, but I don't get it. The thing that confuses me is that there was another girl during this same time who was also looking at me a lot, and it turned out that she had a crush on me, which I found out months after she left the job. I am still in denial over that though, maybe her friend was trying to make me feel good, I don't know.

 

Two different women, same signals from both, one was married? The married girl really bugs me because I started to become quite fond of her because she made me feel alive with the possibility that we could perhaps hook up, if I ever got the never to talk to her. You ever fall for someone because they find you attractive? I did. None of my friends think she's pretty because she's what they call a Plain Jane, but now I find her adorable. But now that I know she's married, she's outta my life. (Note to you guys out there: the pain of knowing that she's married is not even close to the pain of not knowing, as with the second girl I mentioned. Even though her friend told me otherwise, I never heard it from the horse's mouth, so to speak, so that pain is excrutiating.)

 

For all the married women out there, do you constantly check out another guy from a far, for a long long time, like a couple of years? I mean guys that you have never spoken to, familiar faces. Is this normal behavor for married women?

 

Guys, have you ever picked up "eye contact signals" from women and followed up on the clues, only to find out that you were mislead or you misinterpreted the way they were looking at you?

 

I'm so confused and sad right now. Oh well, such is life.

[tiger_lilies]

What I've learned about eye contact is when you catch someone looking at you and they don't look away and hold that gaze, then it can be a sure sign of some interest.

 

But then again, eye contact is just that, eye contact. It doesn't mean they want to marry you...it's just a small sign of some interest. Realize that that first inital interest could turn into nothing.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

But then again, eye contact is just that, eye contact. It doesn't mean they want to marry you...it's just a small sign of some interest. Realize that that first inital interest could turn into nothing.

I like that. I'll remember it.

[Smitty]

Interesting question

 

...first I'm going to say that all my situations throughout my life have begun through some sort of "eye contact" and they've all ended up awkward.

 

Take first my situation in middle school...I was attracted to this girl and we talked a lot, but then I fell in love with her and we never talked again.

 

 

In High School 10th grade I became attracted to a girl and heres that story

link removed

 

Havent talk to her since may 22nd of last year

 

And now, I've fallen for this girl in my math class..and we have not yet actually had a decent conversation...We just share quick eye contact all the time, and whenever i do try to talk to her she seems avoidant...you can read that story here thread title is "Ignoring me..is this a bad sign?"

[koolaidnovel]

What I've learned about eye contact is when you catch someone looking at you and they don't look away and hold that gaze, then it can be a sure sign of some interest.

 

Could be, but you can also be interested or physically attracted to someone and not be able to keep eye contact. Sometimes I get embarrassed if I'm really attracted to someone...I'm afraid of them seeing me looking at them.

[Day_Walker]

There are two things that I look for in eye contact; prolonged eye contact for more than 3 seconds and looking at me twice in a period of 60 seconds. You also have to look at their body languaged to see if they are approachable.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

There are two things that I look for in eye contact; prolonged eye contact for more than 3 seconds and looking at me twice in a period of 60 seconds. You also have to look at their body languaged to see if they are approachable.

The long eye contact happened once, for like 5 seconds. As for within 60 seconds, that happens all the time. She (the married girl) would look at me about 10 times a day (I only see her for about 30 minutes during the day.) But what she would do is dart her eyes back and forth, like she's talking to her friend, darting her eyes at me a lot. I would've suspected something if I looked at her, but I barely looked her way, but everytime I did I would catch her.

 

The other girl would often turn her head to look at me. Her stare was prolonged to, I guess I missed the boat with her. Shucks, she looked like a blonde Rachel Bilson... good thing I hate the O.C. but evertime I see Rachel that's who she reminds me of. Oh crud.

[Santa]

Some times people like to look for some one better than who they are with, so perhaps they judge you to be better than her husband, or an alternative? I'm not saying she would divorce etc, just that maybe she's seeing what she 'could' have? Lots of girls in relationships do this. Some girls just like attention.

I studied psychology and about relationships etc, and there is a well known theory for this, i've just forgotten it (it was a while ago) - I think its something like the 'social exchange theory' or 'economy theory'. Either way, I know how you feel, kind of.

[MetallicAguy]

Ok seriously, escape town when you get the chance go somewhere in NY like anywhere I'm sure you can find a girl somewhere in the state that isn't married that you like. Love is all about motivation pretty much. Searching for love is I mean lol.

[MetallicAguy]

Well since girls can pick up body language 10 times better than men, she's probably wondering why you sit like your in a **** hole all day. She doesn't like you lol.

[MetallicAguy]

Well if you want women like you say you do, pick yourself up and toss out these **** feelings you have. They aren't going to help, women don't like silent, depressed guys.

[Santa]

Well since girls can pick up body language 10 times better than men, she's probably wondering why you sit like your in a **** hole all day. She doesn't like you lol.

 

LOL so true about women being better at it! Man, I have so much expeirence at it, but at the end of the day, I don't notice it till like after, when it's too late. LOL

[fallen]

Yeah, it really depends. A person can be looking at you, attracted to you, interested in you, but STILL not want to go out with you. I've had that happen before because the guy was already in a relationship. Sucks.

 

But that precedent isn't true for all cases. Just because one woman acted interested but was married, does NOT mean that ALL women who act interested in you (by looking/staring at you) are not interested. So that's why you have to take the extra step by talking with them & finding out. Asking them out is the next logical step.

 

Good luck.

[Smitty]

Metallica...whats with the triple posting LOL your gonna have like more posts than anyone if ya keep that up (and i thought double posting was bad heh) j/k