To Much Time Together From The Start Good or Bad

[emma16]

What do most people feel out here or what has been their experience with this. When you start dating someone do you fell that it is wise to spend everyday together. How do you make a relationship last that way.

 

In my experience it is a relatioinship doomed to fail. I have had it happen in my own life when I was 18 first boyfriend all that good stuff.

 

Do you feel it begings to wear in your relationship right off the get go.

 

To me I have found myself molding myself in to what the other wants then and not really being myself. Cheating love, becoming to comfortable to quick, saying oyou love someone you really have only known for a short while, when in all reality is was probably a crusch or lust.

 

Looking for others experience with this.

[vhshowdown]

Now for me this is easier said then done... I think it is better not to rush things, not to spend every waking moment with someone in the beginning. A friend of mine has been telling me the problem I have is in the beginning, I am not giving them the GIFT OF MISSING YOU!! I am learning this as I go, and I am starting to believe it more and more....

 

I usually do just the opposite, and the relationship might fade after the newness rubs off

[djedix]

My first serious relationship with someone i wanted to do that everyday thing. It was working for a while, and i also think it got us alot closer, and made her fall inlove with me more.

 

The most recent relationship i was so comfortable. I felt like i could say i didnt want to do things when she wanted to, and i didn't see her every day. I wouldn't call her every day, or some days i wouldnt even talk to her. That kinda bugged me, because she never really called me. Usally she came online after work and would then come over or something. It wasn't like the first relationship at all. I would hang out with my friends when ever i wanted to. But she also was doing the same with her best friend. In the end do i wish i spent more time with her? yes, i should been going to her house more often, and calling her. But like i said, she never was very active about the relationship when she didn't have to be. Her best girl friend, they are unsepratable, and she doesn't have a BF... that always bothered me... there was something mysterious about it all, our entire relationship, and im glad it ended now, before the marrage, then after.

[muffe]

I dont think that too much time together in the beginning is good! The miss you effect is really good, because in the strangest way it brings you closer when you see eachother again in stead of you getting tired of eachother!

 

With me and my ex (God I still hate that I have to call him that!) we spend way to much time together in the beginning, because we live at the same school! I moved in to his room after the first week and lived there together for 6 months! That was probably wrong! Oh and we started being together after three days at this school, so we never had any time to stand on our own here! That was probably wrong too! But I can change that now and it was good as long as it lasted!

[gersanos]

I agree with what some posters have already mentioned. Although it is a very difficult thing to do, that is, find that balance early on in the relationship without spending ever waking minute together, but it is an imperative. By not doing so, you do not give the other person the gift of missing you as was already mentioned. And eventually, the newness and/or infatuation wears off, and it's way too difficult to adjust from spending every second in bliss to reality where there are responsibilities and highs and lows in relationships.

 

I think we all go through this experience, and usually at a younger age. Could some of these relationships have worked out if they were played right? I think so.

 

I'll share my experience with it: First month was getting to know, not too physical, no official title; heavily emotional and everyday together as well as phone. Second month start to get really physical, official title, still everyday together, start sleeping over at each other's place on a regular basis. Third month, same as before, always together, start taking vacations together, "i love you" said, sleeping over at each other's place 5-6 night's a week (so pretty much moved in), etc. Well, by month 5 it all collapsed. In those 5 months we were a total of probably 7 days of not being together/seeing each other. Maybe 1 or 2 days without talking on the phone. Imagine what could have happened if we didn't overdo it, and took it much slower/more balanced. But some things in life are just there for us to learn from.

[mtastic]

I've had a similar experience. My first gf and i saw each other pretty constantly for about a month and a half (barring several days I was out of town). I don't think its a good thign to spend so much time together at first. You are still getting to know one another and deciding weither you really want to have a relationship or not. What happened in my case was I was so happy someone wanted to spend that much time with me, that I got really comfortable really fast. Unfortunately, she decided she didn't feel the same and broke it off, leaving me having to deal with going from wnaing to see her everyday, to basically never seeing her again. I'll admit the story is a little more complicated than that, but i do think it helps as an argument against not spending every minute together at first.

 

Just my thoughts,

mtastic

[RayKay]

Ah, this is going to be a question that has many different answers for some key reasons - we are all different and every relationship is different and will proceed at its own pace!

 

I think when things are right, they just flow. Granted as you said too much time together too early on for some individuals can be bad - but that is because you are also both compromising who you are (or one of you is) and is losing independence. It is possible to be with someone a lot and still maintain that individuality and that personhood!

 

I have experienced a few different things when it comes to this, but I don't think a lot of time together is necessarily bad. For example, my boyfriend and I when we met took our first month together slowly just dating a couple times a week, but after that we were basically seeing each other almost everyday as it just seemed totally natural to do so. We moved in together officially before three months were up and things are absolutely awesome. But, we both also seem to know that this is "it" for us, we have found in each other a lifemate but we are still individuals who do our own thing as well and by result of our lives/interests we have time apart...but we absolutely love to be together as much as possible. However even we took time to get to know each other before all this happened...it just flowed naturally from that.

 

It really is going to vary - I think it is more common for older, more mature individuals to be able to keep that balance and also to have a better knowing of whether this person is the one for them or not too...so your actions and choices will reflect that. You don't lose who you are if you are sure of who you are and if you aren't, I think you can lose yourself regardless of how much time you spend together.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

wow...

nice topic and good timing.. I should have read this 2 days ago..

I'm actually in this situation right now.. I started dating a girl 2 weeks ago and things started off really well..We talked on the phone for a whole week straight and met up for 3 dates...We kissed on each date and have alot in common..

But anyways..as of Sunday she hasn't called me,e-mailed me or messaged me in any way.. I believe I was trying to move a little too fast for her. She did mention on Saturday that she has a hard time trusting men and all because of past relationships.

So I'm thinking that she got scared off by me trying too much at first..

I e-mailed her today and she hasn't replied back either..So I'm thinking to let it be for a week then maybe e-mail her again..

It's just weird how in 2 weeks she was so into me then suddenly changed to being distant...

Guess she scared or something..or plainly not interested anymore but I find that hard to believe honestly because we had so much chemistry it seemed..

oh well

[emma16]

Wow everyone does have their own opionions on this.

 

I feel at a young age saying between 18-23 its is hard to be yourself you want to be accepted by the other person. I also feel its hard when you are not seperating your work like from your personal life. You can't be the individual person that you really are.

 

Work for a company and then date a child of theirs and always there always spending the time with them in the bar, after work never really leaving making your friends come to you.

 

I feel you can not be your own indvidual person in that way and are really waters that should not be tested but they are and now what. You want out you loose your job and the friendships you had prior with these people.

 

You get everything you want more money new car, but how do you feel alive when you can't tear yourself away with out having them wonder whats going on.

 

I tend to jump into things when i should really take them slow half of them would have probably worked longer than they have.

[RayKay]

emma16 - many of us have jumped in too fast, it is nothing to be ashamed about or even regret doing. Things happened as they did for a reason - if that person had been right perhaps moving fast would not have been such a bad thing?

 

I guess for me I don't see in my current relationship that spending lots of time together (well, and we live together too so that obviously compounds it a bit more) as bad at all as for us friendship is so very important and we are very compatible as friends, partners and lovers so it just feels natural to be together.

 

If you know that you yourself tend to lose yourself and who you are when you start these relationships then just take some care to move at a slower more comfortable pace. Be secure in who you are and in taking your time and everything will fall into place as it should

[ShySoul]

Let things happen naturally. Spend as much time together as you want, provided it doesn't start taking away from the rest of your life. Then it becomes more of an unhealthy fixation, an obssession. Like most things in life, moderation is key. Go at whatever pace you feel comfortable but don't lose sight of everything else in your life.

[Twolitersunkist]

as in contrast to what most have said, my relationship actually flourished from spending a load of time together, we attend the same school, she's on the track team in which I am the manager, and after all this she comes to my house till about 10:00, we spend about every possible day together...I feel as if it has been easier than the majority of past relationships in which I did not see my gf everyday or atleast spoke to...I'm able to talk to her about everyday problems, not just those that arise when we are together...hell my parents say we act more married than they do, our relationship has become more serious and we have a greater appreciation for each other's feelings...but yeah my two cents are in

[lovely_girl]

emma16 -

 

If you know that you yourself tend to lose yourself and who you are when you start these relationships then just take some care to move at a slower more comfortable pace. Be secure in who you are and in taking your time and everything will fall into place as it should

 

that is so very true...

i have been dating someone for around 2 months - started off so full on...and it's died down somewhat - he says he really likes me but things were a bit much, but he's happy with how it is now. thing is i kind of liked it the way it was before...i get a bit too caught up in these things - i guess i just need to relax and go with the flow...it is hard though!

[unicycle]

i was going out with my girlfriend for a month and a half when i said "i love you" and i didn't say it to get laid or anything i truly do love her. Since we have been going out we spend everyday talking before school, between classes, after school, and usually online after that. we weren't close at first but after 2 weeks we got really close really fast. and i have never been happier in my life.

 

So your problem might be that you haven't found that special person that you want to and can spend time with everyday and only love them more every time you see them