It's over. 22 years of marriage

[edward]

"How can u love and hate a person in equal messures" Was a previous topic i posted. If i'm breaking any rules please except my appoliges now but i have got to say this last thing.

Today my wife has given me the answer i never wanted to here. At first she was unsure but she now tells me that she is definitely no longer in love with me and wants to and has ended are marriage.

The thought of comeing home every night knowing she want be pleased or waiting for me when i get in hurts.(i can't aford to move out yet! just to make it more painfull).Haveing my marriage ended for me with no say, makes me very angry.She has said she told me, sort of! what does sort of mean what half tried.I feel cheated, not given a chance to try as a couple.She should have told me load and clear,she didn't, she gave up on us and our family.I had a wright to know, by not telling me how she felt we couldn't try and work it out,at least give a go.Relate,Counciling something.I can't believe the women i love has dumpt me so heartlessly after years of surporting her phobias and anxity.I don't know if i can or want to carry on.

[arwen]

Hey Edward,

 

I am so sorry she's not willing to work things out. I remember your other posting here, when things were already on the verge of falling apart.

 

I wish I could be of more help here. I have one divorced friend, she was only 22 when she divorced an abusive husband. The only thing I could tell her was to put her foot down and leave the house asap.

 

Here there are children involved, if I am not mistaken. I don't know what to tell you, but I know there are more members here dealing with divorce or separation. I hope they will soon respond here and help you out.

 

I have one question about your wife. You mention that she has suffered from anxiety and phobia. Did she have that for as long as you have known her, or did these things surface in the course of the relationship?

 

Take care,

 

Ilse.

[avman]

I'm sorry it worked out this way edward. I know things look bleak and rough, but that is totally normal under the circumstances. The only thing more stressful than divorce is the death of a spouse. So cut yourself a little slack, it's ok to be upset over this.

 

You may not want to carry on, but you NEED to. Especially if there are children involved. They still need you regardless of the state of the marriage. And as dark as things look right now they will get better with time. You will heal from this and emerge a stronger person.

 

You might want to look into some counseling for yourself or a divorced mens support group. Lean on others for a while until you are feeling a little stronger. But please remember, you are going to make it. You will be ok.

[edward]

ilse, thanks for your reply. In answer to your question my wife has not had a easy inning( as they say in cricket) and has suffered with numerious problems, all one way or another due to lack of minus confindance. It's only recently ( 18 months ) that she has really started to get much better. Which is great in one way but......

You could say her life has taken a new turning point but without me. she says we might get back but again my gut reaction is we will not. letting me down easy maybe?

[edward]

I would like to thank everyone who has read or replied to this post. I have also found reading posts from other people very healing. The death of my marriage to my wife seems all but over, still hurts always will but i'm holding in there for now.Thanks to this brilliant web site and the people on it I am on the move. I want have access to a computor so i'll say my good byes now.Thank you all. Edward.