I'm that one guy....

[SomeShyGuy]

Hello people,

 

Well I'm just going to start off by explaining my problem. I seem to be a rare type of guy to find. I'm quiet, really dumbstruck, and just not an exciting person. I have a brother that is probably one of the smartest people I know and has a insane work ethic, but yet I am the laziest person you will ever meet (if you ever meet me)

 

I don't understand how he is so outgoing, extremely smart and now rich, alwways had something new to do...and I have nothing. I am not that outgoing, im more reserved to myself, not smart at all, and well lets just say I have a minimum wage job (im 17).

 

I have been dealing with this fact my whole life but have not really realized this until the past few months. I can only meet certain types of people, people that will actually come up to me and try to make friends. At work I only get along with one person there and he is my age, I can't seem to get along with people older than me (eg. my brother)

 

At family gatherings, I don't say a word unless I'm asked a question, and my answer is usually a "yes" or a "no" followed by no other words. Everyone thinks that I'm useless.

 

I wish I could be more like my brother and say things that I wouldnt normally in front of a group of people such as my family. I rarely talk to my parents about anything....I haven't ever had a girlfriend before, and I haven't joined a school activity in any of my four years of high school. I get decent grades but I really forget really quickly what I learn and no matter how hard I try to forget anyways.... See, if I had grades going for me (get all A's in AP courses, etc) then I would not be here writing this post . but since I am not in high courses (regular classes) AND I am a loser, I got suicide on my mind. I always thought of it as A.) Be smart and be labeled a nerd all my life or B.) Be funny, charming, and a ladies man, but be dumb. Any of these two choices I will take but since I have NEITHER of them makes me think. I know these ideas are very weird and are not normally thought of, but this is waht I think about in my spare time.....

 

Well to get to why I posted this in this section as if you haven't figure it out by now....I have thought about suicide before...but never have really tried or "planned" a date. I'm a really lonely guy and plan to be probably for the next coming years......

 

I will update this post as soon as I get my thoughts together....this was kinda randomly written with the basic ideas in my head...

[fmfisdead]

Hey man, I'm not sure if I'm right but I think I can toss a few ideas your way that you might want to think about. Did you ever stop to think that you kind of played the role that your brother didn't? He kind of played the strong leader type that was successful and you kinda stayed around and did your own thing, maybe you believe that you could never be like that and you could never be as good as him. I believe in the fact that if you set standards for people they generally can meet them if they try hard enough. If you expect a kid is dumb, and you treat him as though he is and hes not going to get things thats probably how he might turn out and if you treat a kid as if hes a genious it goes the other way. Hrmm, I'm not sure where I'm going with all of this. I think at this point your envious of your brother and what he has and you wish that you could be what he is. Your not a loser man, by any means, your brother is successful, but it all comes down to what you think is success. Heck, maybe your brother envies you in some ways. Maybe he has a lot of money and is really successful but is really unhappy with his life.

 

You need to take a step back and realize what your good at in your life, your probably thinking nothing, but I highly doubt that. Believe you can be something more and I know you can be. Sit there and feel pitty for yourself and wish you were someone else is going to get you nothing. These were the cards you were dealt and its time to see what your gonna do with it. Are you going to lay down and die, are you going to give up and hope that things were different? I can assure you that if your brother has the happiest life he has worked for it, its not all given. Not saying that you don't work for it. I just think you need to believe in yourself, I know that I do and I don't even know you. I'm not sure what else to say, If I can elaborate on anything for you feel free to pm me. I hope my ramblings helped a little bit.

[SomeShyGuy]

People's work ethics are set when they start school (ie 3rd-6th grade and so forth) so from then on he was strong from the start. Mine was obviously lower and followed throughout my whole life up to this point. People think differently about different things, and im just a simple minded person. The fact that everything I do is wrong or say the wrong things or am sensitive to other people's comments just makes up the way I am...worthless.

 

I don't even know what im expecting in my college years....probably the same thing going on now...absolutely nothing.

 

BTW: Thanks for the advice/comments, I greatly appreciate them, fmfisdead, and everyone that posts in this topic.

[hecka_bekah]

Soon as I started reading your post I thought about my older brother. He's turning 25 in November and still works as a janitor at a gas station. He's extremely introverted and doesn't have any friends. He had one girlfriend who he met online and I'd say that was one of the biggest changes in his life. He's hard working at his job, but always sits in his room when he's home. He lacks determination when it comes to changing and is very afraid of living on his own.

 

I love my brother so much, but nothing I can do or say will change his attitude. His personality is prone to being antisocial, lazy, and fearful. These weaknesses take over the strengths of his personality and makes it difficult for him to find motivation in himself.

 

My advice to you is to recognize your strengths. You already know the flaws in your personality so at least you see one part of yourself. Realize that everyone has flaws!!!!! The fact that your weaknesses may be different from other's doesn't mean that it's harder to deal with. It doesn't mean that you're a lost cause. You just have different problems to deal with. Everyone has weaknesses that can control strengths, but they also have strengths that can overcome weaknesses. Which way is it going to be? You have a passion and a goal of some sort so use that strength to overcome your laziness and fear of people (if that's the case).

 

You said you plan on being lonely for the next coming years. In saying that you are already setting yourself up for failure! Make a change now! Don't try to be someone your not, but find what you already possess and use that to build more character!

 

If you're every feeling down please feel free to pm me! I also wanted you to check this website out: link removed. It's just an general overview of the four temperaments. Most likely you are a Phlegmatic-Melancholy. You don't have to agree with the temperament analysis, but I find that it is very accurate. Check it out! God bless!

 

Rebekah

[melrich]

Hi Someshyguy,

 

First of all, don't worry, you are not the only person out there that thinks like this...we all do at some time or another. It would be very unusual for someone your age to be completely comfortable in their own skin. It is perfectly normal to wonder about your place in the world, what you are meant to be, who you are meant to be.

 

I guarrantee you if you ask your brother he will have had these same questions at some point in his life. Just remember you are not supposed to have all the answers and you don't have to play a "role" in life. Things will evolve and you will find your place...even if right now you feel like there is no place for you.

[SomeShyGuy]

Thanks for the support guys, but it does very little. I've been thinking lately and I just don't know what to do with my life.....

 

 

Everyday seems to get worse and worse....why can't I just be normal? Why can't I just be talkative and learn things that normally click?! I'm so dumb I cant even comprehend most things. If someone explains to me how to work a simple machine, ill forget in 2-3 minutes and ask a series of dumb questions.....why????

 

People think about suicide when they break up with their girlfriends and boyfriends.......Hey buddy, at least you got a one...you'll eventually get past that person and move on....and hey, you'll get someone else maybe too!! Me? I've got no one...and probably no one ever....

 

Why couldn't have I just gotten a normal life like all these people everywhere. I always think in school of the many different people ther are. Every single person in all of my classes has a different personality, EVERYONE! While I am the lame boring quiet guy.....I just don't get it.

 

Everyday I think about suicide and how nice i'd be to end all of this before I actually go out and live in the real world..........how nice it would be indeed......

 

I feel that if I am gone from this world that no one will miss me and will just have gotten rid of another soon-to-be failure......The world doesn't need people like me....The world needs smart, enthusiastic, lively people..not quiet, dumb, and solitary people.....

[hecka_bekah]

See what you are telling yourself? If it had been someone else and you were reading this post you would be thinking the same thing as me!

 

Wow! What do you know? Often times I don't have much common sense! lol. There you go....you aren't the only one! And about not having a girlfriend, be thankful! When I was younger I felt so sorry for myself because I never had a boyfriend and now I know why...my negative attitude. It's easier to be negative when challenges come our way, but why not try to develop a stronger personality by turning your life around?

 

Failed relationships make people desire relationships more because they've gotten a taste of the addictive l-o-v-e which can many times lead to a broken heart....too many times. Be lucky you haven't experienced that yet and make a change for yourself so you can be more focused and better prepared to be in a relationship instead of just rushing into one like too many of us do.

 

You said our advice did very little to help out. Would it be of more help to tell you that the very fact we gave you advice showed you we actually care about what decision you made?! You wouldn't have replied if what we said meant nothing to you. Please think this through......

[SomeShyGuy]

Thanks a lot for your words. They mean a lot, I mean you could have done anything besides post back to this thread, right? (Especially you, hecka, thanks)

 

Well I don't know what is going on now, still thinking about it every day, every night. It seems like my self confidence is going down every single day. I wish that I could raise it, but how? People are PEOPLE! They act the way they act. Shy people act shy and reserved, extroverts act like extroverts. I've always heard from people like my brother "change yourself, be more lively!" but how can I if its written into my personality that I'm not that lively of a person???

 

People always say "oh hes so quiet" and yes that does kinda tick me off becuase its true. Deep down inside I'm just another shy person. I always think about the people out there (and im pretty sure there is someone like me out there, just not that many, a rare breed I gues you can say) and how they are contributing to society. I hate when the people at my work get pissed off at me because I can't get things done as fast as them or comprehend things are fast as them. I hate getting yelled at constantly by everyone. I hate the fact that I can't read people's "body language" and take sarcasm when its given. I hate how I can't just "change"

 

Sorry for the late replies...but I just can't get my thoughts together that quickly......

[hecka_bekah]

People can be so thoughtless sometimes. That changes as people mature and become more aware of others feelings. Some never change, but most likely you won't have as much social pressure to have a certain personality that just isn't you!

 

So instead of giving up respect yourself and stand up for what you are! As you gain confidence in yourself you will become more social, but being social doesn't mean anything! It's just one of many results of having the confidence to show others who you are. Some people just aren't very social, and there's nothing wrong with that. Just surround yourself with people who understand your type of personality and can see you for you and not what they think you should be!

 

Conforming to a particular personality that just isn't you will only make you hate yourself more! So first face the fact that you are not your brother. You are not an extrovert and you are not a lively person. But also know that you have so many good qualities others just don't have. Find them and embrace them!

 

Just to let you know how much I understand what you are going through I would like to tell you that I have some similar aspects of my personality as you do. My temperament is Sanguine-Phlegmatic. My sanguine side is very extroverted and lively whereas my phlegmatic side is mellow and more introverted. I love being very social and bubbly but I also being mellow and reserved.

 

Some weaknesses in my phlegmatic temperament are being lazy, indecisive and fearful. Some weakness in my sanguine temperament is being too emotional which can lead to being irresponsible, and being naive (which makes me very unaware of my surroundings and so often times I don't have much common sense!). But each temperament balances the other out. I used to be very quiet in middle school and in high school, but as a child I was more social and now that I understand my personality a lot better I have a better grasp of who I am and how much I enjoy socializing with others.

 

I think that looking into this more might help you become more aware of your weaknesses and strengths as an individual and not what others think are weaknesses and a strengths.

[hecka_bekah]

I also want to add that another weakness in the phlegmatic temperament is being slow. I like you, like to take my time and usually that means taking longer than others to finish a task. But you know what? If you pace yourself more likely you will do a better job than if others don't put too much thought into it.

 

You'd be amazed how many strengths the phlegmatic temperament has!! It is considered the the most balanced personality. Check it out! You'll be surprised how much your personality has to offer!

[hecka_bekah]

Oops I meant another weakness is being too slow....

[SomeShyGuy]

Wow, I just about typed the longest response that actually made sense and right when im putting the last few sentences in, the browser decides to crash...just great....ok let me try this again (sorry if it doesnt make sense, but my mind is pretty messed up with ideas right now...)

 

 

I know that being slow can be a huge burden on someones life, but what is the point if it just gets you yelled at all the time? I mean being slow does not have any upsides to it does it? Unless the fact that everyone recognizes it and they know you for it....but how can that be an upside? Even if I do take my time trying to finish a task, it still comes out crappy, it just took a little bit more time and pissed off people more. Sometimes I can't even take my time to do some things, I have to do it fast or else I piss off my co-workers/manager. I really wouldn't be surprised if I got fired next week or so, and if that did happen, I know im not fit for this world.....

 

I'm very glad that youre personality is great, hecka! Its good to know that there are people like you out there in the world. If the world were run by me, then there would be no tomorrow (Literally) I've realized the fact that im not my brother. I've realized the fact that im an introverted, passive person. The fact that gets me down is my friends and cooworkers personalities. They dont have a problem getting things done correctly, they dont have to worry about meeting new people, they dont have to worry about talking to anyone about anything, they dont have to worry about being themselves in front of large groups. These traits are what make up people, and it doesnt make up me at all

 

I just want you to know, Hecka, (and all the others who have been reading this) to know that you all have great things in life that you take granted. Some people just have things that others don't and they dont see it. Hecka, for example, you have a great outgoing personality, and you shouldn't let that get out of hand at all! I know that it may seem to you all as common sense, but it doesn't apply as common sense to me! Meeting new people for me a is a TASK. I find it extremely hard to talk to someone that I just met a few minutes ago, while for some here its about the easiest thing to do. Some have weaknesses, others don't. Some have great lives, others don't. Some make it through rough times, others don't. Some are given wonderful personalities, others are not so fortunate. Well you can see where i'm going with this...

 

 

Ive been thinking all day about finally putting an end to all this. I always thought of suicide as a joke just to cheer me up kinda when I get mad. Today, I have been actually contemplating it for so long (almost all day), thinking about how I should do it, when I should do it, and how will the people that I know react...I am serious about this now....I must go through with it soon..quite possibly next week...i cant keep living like this...........

[hecka_bekah]

I sent you a private message....

 

Rebekah

[MetallicAguy]

It seems like my self confidence is going down every single day. I wish that I could raise it, but how?

But how? Well stop saying all this nonsense about how your life sucks and stuff and that your not like your brother....you say you want to be outgoing and what not? THEN DO IT!!!! It's not hard you just need motivation and eustress (positive stress) to make you outgoing. It takes no skill at all anyone can do it. I'm a quiet guy like you myself really reserved kinda person. And you say how you want a gf and friends, well you know, it's not very hard to say like hi to a girl you like if you want I can help with that that's like my expertise you can ask me about it anytime. Making friends isn't that hard, just think of something you like like a certain sport/club and then when you've already joined find someone like someone in your table group or whatever, talk to them; express what's on your mind. I really feel like you need someone to talk to. I can tell that, because about the whole gf and friends thing...having friends is what keeps people happy and going...literally...it is what everyone needs to survive it's like water, don't have any (don't drink any) you die of thirst/starvation. Just really if you need to talk to someone a counselor is always there at your school so that you can speak what's on your mind to him/her and get it solved. Look, it may be hard for you to open up, but just let things flow, be relaxed and laid-back for once, let life throw it's obstacles of bull **** at you. Just stop thinking negative; inflow of new thoughts can remake you. If you think negatively, your actions will turn out negative, think positive life feels A WHOLE LOT BETTER, you enjoy more, you relax more, less stress it feels great and you don't need friends to satisfy that...even though you need them you can still achieve 60% happyness in your state of mind right now by thinking and acting positively. Well cheer up, your only 17..if your worried about grades or anything, you can go to a community college for a few years, work on that and get transfered to a real good college (Example: UCLA, UNC, USC, etc.). So yeah, just stop thinking bad things about yourself all the time, it isn't going to help. And find some faith in God, you could use some help at this point in life.

[SomeShyGuy]

Hecka, I replied to your PM.

 

MetallicAguy,

 

I know it might be easy for YOU, but this is me we are talking about. About 98.9% of people are normal, that other percent are people like me, nervous around new people, afraid to start a conversation, or keep the conversation going. Now I know that you might be one of those 98.9%, but I simply am not. Everyone knows that I am just another quiet guy (not a normal person) and that I don't act like myself around anyone except my TRUE friends (in which I have very little). Please, don't try to tell me to *TRY* because if I did, trust me I would fail miserably. There are people that are shy and know what to do, but I am not one of them, everything I try to do, I just don't get it right, everything. Everywhere I go, I analyze everyone around me, try to distinquish their personality, and almost everywhere, they are above my personality. Even if they are quiet, they still probably know more stuff to life than me. I've even been fakingly making slit marks on my wrists with my nails......how awesome is that?

 

On the other hand, I have some good news, I've decided not to kill myself anytime soon (oh isnt that great). Going back to school this monday made me realize how great friends I have. They cheer me up and make me feel somewhat important. It seems that not being in school and with friends (and going to work) makes me depressed and makes me suicidal. I just wish that I had a better personality than I have now, all my friends have great personalities (funny, dumb, confidence!) I'm sorry if I am pissing anyone off with this non-sense talk, if you think its dumb, feel free to reply about it. Also, I now have started up skate boarding again, something that I haven't done in a while, so that should keep me occupied for a while. Other than that, nothing else has changed, I stil feel depresed at times and want to end it all....

 

 

I think the problem with me is I have a big case of ADD. Maybe thats why I forget almost everything so quickly, im going to try and get it checked out. If it turns out that I do and take some meds, then I can stop thinking about suicide (oh how nice that would be....)

[CrystalDawn]

Yeah getting checked out might be a good idea it could help you understand you're problems better and what needs to be done to solve them.

I'm the same way, I can retain somethings though but it takes me so long that I don't find it worth it by the time I'm able to. I'm also very shy and reserved. The friends I have now made the move to try to make friends with me. So your not alone. I would be happy to help you on anything that you need me to. I know a couple of tricks to remembering things. I was also placed in classes that where more of LD classes than regular and I never made strait A's though I did pass most classes before I dropped out that is. You can't be worried about what everyone else has done and is doing. You're diffrent and that's okay. I'm also diffrent not a day goes by that I don't get reminded by something that I'm diffrent but I know it's okay because I have my own talents, skills and dreams that no one else has. Because of that I'm who I am. You can be anything you want to be. Sometimes it takes someone that's diffrent to make a great change in the way we live.

[SomeShyGuy]

Thanks for replying, c00kie and CrystalDawn.

 

Its good to know that there are indeed people out there somewhat on my level of crisis. Well I just want to let everyone know that lately I have been feeling really good about myself and just in general really happy. My new refound glory of skateboarding has gotten my confidence pretty high, just a good feeling. My friends have been great and ive been interacting with them pretty well. Just today I took the day off work and just hung out with some people I havent hung out with for a while and met a new friend. Things are looking good!

 

Also, asked about the ADD case to my bro, he said to just try to my best and fight it off. This is dumb becuase I know I won't be able to, I think that some type of meds will help. I didn't know what to say back to him except okay. I need anything to help this problem of so much forgetfullness...

[CrystalDawn]

Yeah I know how you feel. It depends on what you're trying to remember but try to think of as saying to go with what you're trying to remember. Like Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally helps me remember the order of operations when I need to do algebra problems. And My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas helped me memorize the order of the plants.

[SomeShyGuy]

Wow, I don't know why but now I feel depress and suicidal again. I think its because of work. Over there I don't talk to anyone and feel isolated and not welcomed.

 

Crystal Dawn, that is some good advice but I tend to memorize things too much and forget them within the next week. For example, the planets I can recite in a flash becuase as a kid I was interested in Astronomy, so I can remember that easily. Its everything else that worries me, everything that the workplace needs to me remembered. I get scared that if I don't rememeber how to do it, I get nervous and just don't do it being afraid that Ill mess it up. (eg working on a car)

 

I don't know what it is but I don't feel that great about myself, feeling suicidal agin isnt that good...

[diana0561]

hey someshyguy, well my name is diana and i'm 19. and i've been reading your posts and it sounds to me like you could have bi polar dissorder. which I myself have. This is mostly petaining to how quickly your moods change. I does also sound like you are add again so am I, and thats not really anything you can work through. Seeing a Psychiatrics might not be such a bad idea. I can't live without my meds.

 

And don't worry it's a normal thing not talking to a person you just met, feeling like you're not being yourself around other people. Or not being able to keep a conversation going. Your name says it all some shy guy. So what... thats your personality. Over time and growing up changes you as a person anyways. Eventually you are going to meet someone who is gonna come up to you and just talk your ear off. Then their gonna tell you what a great listener you are. lol so it works out in your favor.

 

Oh and with work, who cares if you get fired from this job. You probably hate it anyways, but if you dont, try talking to your boss. I've been fired from three jobs. I hated people always telling me what to do, and looking down on me b/c i wasn't employee of the month. find something you like to do or take a break. look for something that won't be so stressful. just skateboard to take out your frustrations.

 

It's ok youre not following in your brothers foot steps. remember your not your brother, in a year or two your can move out not even have to deal with half of the people you know or even your family for that matter. Your not "dumb" as you keep saying if that was the case you wouldn't be able to write out theses long paragraphs. And explain your feelings to all of us. And i say F*#k being "normal" who really cares. You are who you are and thats as normal as your can get. And being yourself is an awesome quality to have. I dont like people who mold their personalities just to "fit in".

 

I just want to say Please, Please dont try to commit sucide. I feel like i've gotten to know you just through these few posts. And i would be sad if you actually went through with it.

 

my best friends mom, killed herself and my own mom has tried 3 times , almost succeding every time. People would care, your family would care, people that you knew and worked with would care. It's not going to teach any one a lesson, the feeling of crappiness will pass and tomorrow won't seem so bad. And i've been in the same thinking chair you have, but i'm telling you things will get better.

 

well have a nice day.

[CrystalDawn]

I know how you feel but it's simply a matter of figureing out how you can retain what you learn. That was just a couple of examples. Working on cars isn't easy, don't be afraid of messing up. If you need help ask for help. There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. You won't be looked down on if you make a mistake. Some may not be to happy about it but they will calm down eventually. You sound alot like me. I haven't really figured out how to deal with all of my problems, but I'm working on them. Don't give up. If you wish to contact me all of my contact info should be on my profile.