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Why can't I heal an move forward!?


Inkedjak14

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My ex left me nearly 2 months ago now, we together two years, one year in the same city, an the other me working away, I returned back two months ago, an after week she's left me... She's met someone new now... She was chatting too him at the same time as I returned... An its destroying me, he's doing everything with her I wanted too do but couldn't because of the distance... I really want her back, I've shut down all contact, social media, new number, everything..

I'm now even trying too date other girls, not lead them on, just nice encounters casual days out, but nothing I do is working, I'm going to the gym with my dad on Thursday, too try make myself feel better.. I'm debating sending her a txt with my new number after a month, just too see how it'll go, litterally something like this "hey people new number Jack"

So it doesn't seem I've sent it personally too her, a chain txt.. I genuinely love this girl, never cheated, never flirted about, there was many times I could of but didn't... So not too sound a broken record, can anyone help me, i just feel like I'm spinning my wheels and getting no where, I just want her too come back, because I genuinely believe she was the one an we could of had a future ...

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If I understand your timeline, you just returned back to the same place in which she lives after having been away? It may be a two month separate but no doubt moving back has flushed all sorts of unresolved feelings.

If this is the case the break up probably feels really fresh and that's why you are tempted to contact her.

I am sure it's really painful and I am sorry you are going through this.

Stay on track, don't contact her.

Give this some more time and remain in no contact.

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We was together for a year in the same city, I I got offered a pay rise an bigger job title so I did roughly a year up north, 10 months let's say... We spoke everyday on the phone communication was brilliant. I'd take a week of work a month too be with her down there, or pay for her travel too me with me.. But when we was apart we would argue about the most stupid things what led too us saying awful things too each other over the phone or txts, stuff that made both of us cry at times...but when we together, it was perfect, no drama, no negativity... But when I worked up there I had so much weighing on my shoulders, regards too work an that caused a lot of my stress an her being clingy, so I would be snappy an lash out... But it was always with full remorse, I feel such a bad guy for how snappy an angry I was at times... But if I didn't move there I wouldn't of been able too do half of the wonderful things for her, days out, shopping, gigs, gifts..

Does this make me bad? She seems too see me as the devil now...

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Pusher her away, or this guy play on her insecurities in out relationship Because If I pushed her away, wouldn't she have left me long ago before I came back.. The day I returned, an walked through her front door was like a scene from a love story, she came running towards me, both falling down too our nees, telling me she loves me so much, an for me too never leave again, in those 4 days, we had so much fun... No negativity at all, but in those 4 days she was chatting too that other guy, I don't know what about, but we're over now.. I hope one day she realises, all the good what we had... I'm not gonna live in hope for her, but I've always said I'll be there for her.. Not too be agony aunt.. Just incase someone ever did try hurt her physically..

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Im going to tell you that you just have to accept it. Its over. Im sorry to have to tell you that but the second you accept that its over, the better it is for you. I know its way easier said than done. You have many questions, you are confused, you are over thinking, you dont know what to do. Oh believe me, Ive been there a few times. You are stuck because you thinking too much.

Quit thinking of the past. Nothing can be changed and thinking of past promises isnt going to bring her back. I know you are holding on to them deparately wanting her to come back. You keep going back thinking she is the one for you, replaying conversations, and probably even having imaginary ones if she ever called you, what you would say, how she would answer then what you would say to that answer and the cycle goes on and on. This cycle stops if you just say that its over.

Im not saying forget her, forget the good times or forget the relationship happened. You had wonderful times and great memories and thats a great thing to have. But for now, the relationship is over. It doesnt matter what happened, there is no fault. She was not cut out to be in a LDR and she met someone else.

In the long run you are going to be okay.

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That's the thing, I returned back home too be with her... 4-5 days in me being back home, both loving life, come the weekend she dumps me... It just doesn't make sense, the whole idea of me coming home was so we can be together an she's leave me like that!!, for another guy!

I feel utterly betrayed..

It's all she ever wanted was me too be back, an I've been s h i t

On, like it was nothing an I'm the bad one.. My friend said me imagine if you did this too her, how people would view you... I am gradually letting go, but everything I do or know, reminds me of her.. I feel like I can't go certain pubs, or watch certain films, games, etc.. Because it all leads back too our memories..

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I know what you are going thru. You are confused and in denial that its over. Ive been there. You look back and think where did it all go wrong or wondering where you can fix it or something to give you that ray of light that she will come back to you or this is a bad dream. You run around in circles in your head and it leads you to the same place.

It is over.

Here is the thing.. it takes two people to make one relationship work. If one person is not into it then there is no relationship. Its not about fault or blame. There maybe factors involved such as you going away and her not being able to be in a LDR but all that doesnt matter. I know she is all you can think of. I get it. But to move on, you have to admit that its over. Until you know its over then its hard to begin to heal. It hurts to admit we lost a BF or GF and especially to someone else. But this goes to show this girl wasnt the one for you. Now you have room in your life for someone better. Yes there are girls out there that are better for you.

You are okay.

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That's the thing mate, you say she couldn't do LDR I came back, came back for her! And all of a sudden I'm suddenly no good for her, after a week of me being back she leaves that's mental!!?...

 

That's what's sending me crazy, yeh I get LDR can make someone stress out etc, but I came back, it was no longer LDR, I live 15 mins away walking, her mom even offered me too move in... She had everything she wanted, but it wasn't good enough, do you see where I'm coming from?

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I see where you are coming from. Its confusing. I think she couldnt handle the LDR portion. You mentioned the fights while you were away. That could of also been a huge part of her decision to leave. She didnt want to fight anymore.

BTW, its not that you are not good enough. She was simply not prepared for you and your life and your work. Personally I think she sounds rather needy but if thats what she requires then you are better off. In the end you are going to find someone who is a better fit with your life.

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