fake "apology" from drunken ex

[ninjagirl]

My ex of 6 months called me really late last night and left a drunken message on my answering machine saying "I'm just calling cause I had some things on my mind, like how badly I treated you, basically. I know how badly I treated you...it doesn't mean anything other than that I regret it. I just feel bad...but that's all. Anyway, good luck."

 

The message left me feeling pissed off. We were together 8 years and have only spoken a couple of times since we split, mostly because he owes me money. Although he did cry the last time we spoke, about a month ago, saying "I don't think I'll ever completely get over you," and we were each others' first loves, I felt like this was a way of him saying "Oops, yeah, I was bad to you, but I'm not really going to take much responsibility for it and, by the way, don't think I want you back, because I don't."

 

Although he could be incredibly sweet and charming, he was also controlling, verbally abusive and manipulative throughout our relationship. I found out the last time we talked that he went searching to see if I was on any online dating sites because he was "curious." He said the break-up then "was just starting to hit him."

 

I really loved this man and it makes me so mad that he's still hurting me by saying "I feel bad--but I don't regret breaking up..." Or maybe I am just putting my own negative spin on it. Is it his guilt speaking? Pride? Love? Missing me?

 

Any thoughts? Thanks everyone in advance for responses...you guys are great!

[tanned_production]

I think that it's his guilt..... if he doesnt want to take responsibility for the hurt he's caused you ... then he's not missing you and it's not out of love (sorry if that sounds harsh).... dont think about it too much.... try and get over this guy!

[Celadon]

Youch. Sorry to hear your ex left you that message. Sounds like he was feeling sorry for himself and not thinking about the consequences of what he was doing. My experience is that drunk people think about consequences even less than when they're sober. No self-restraint.

 

I agree with tanned_production. Try not to think about it too much. I know, everyone says that and I heard it a billion times after my last breakup. But at a certain point, I had to realize that I was giving my power away by even thinking about him. I was letting myself stew in something unhappy rather than putting my time and effort into things that would make ME happy. Anyway, hope you feel better...

[Scout]

I would say that was definitely a lame apology, and I wouldn't give it any more thought if I were you, except its another indication of his total lack of responsibility. He had a moment of regret, that was probably part alcohol, part self-pity. I don't blame you for being angry, but he doesn't sound worth calling up and asking him what his motivation was. You know better than anyone else the true measure of his character.