EnolWolf Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Well, it's been a while since I've last been here. I remember recieving great advice on my situation and its helped a lot. Long story short... My ex is pregnant and it MIGHT be mine. My girlfriend isn't really worried about that. She's more worried about the fact that I'll magically run back to my ex because of a child. A child has nothing to do with the way two people feel about each other. That's a whole other level. I'm completely done with my ex. I got as far as I could with more downs than ups. She just didn't care about me. She used me for sex, money, attention, and maybe also pride. It never occurred to her that I was an actual human being with feelings. I'm actually offended that my girl thinks that its even possible for me to be with her after what she put me through. I'm not being spiteful. I've forgiven, but I'll never ever forget. No one on this planet deserves what I foolishly endured for a year! I just don't like her anymore. She is no one to me. That's just the way it is. How can I possibly comfort my girl and reassure her that it could never happen? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading. Link to comment
melrich Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I don't know, I think maybe you are addressing the wrong issue here. What are you going to do if the child is yours? Link to comment
tanned_production Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Have you tried telling her exactly what you told us!? Because honestly, if I was in her shoes... just hearing that would put me at ease. Then again, Im not her... and Im not in her shoes.... but just a thought. Link to comment
EnolWolf Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 If its mine I'll care for it in any way possible. I'm pretty confident I can do that and be with her without a thought of being with my ex again. Link to comment
tanned_production Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Yeah... and try to help her understand that if its yours... you have responsibility to the child... not to your ex. Link to comment
melrich Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Well I am sure you can, you are well over your ex. But that is not the issue. Your g/f fell in love with a single guy. Now all of a sudden there is the possibility that she is in a relationship with a single guy who is a father and all that that entails...financial support, dealing with your ex for the rest of your life, access issues etc. etc. You need to address all of these things....and the jealousy factor. You are in for a difficult time I think. Link to comment
Prosper Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I agree with richgage. You may on one hand says you are not spiteful now. You have forgiven yourself and her. And she is now of no one to you, and you dun love her anymore. But to her, she may see that you are finding excuses to run away from responsibility of being a father to her kid. Main issue is responsibility and truth. Since you have forgiven her and dun love her anymore, it should matter EVEN more to you, whether the baby belongs to you or not. There is always something call going to the gynae clinic and draws some of her placenta and your blood for test if it is truly yours. Get this report with her personally and keep a safe copy for yourself, should this incident get messier with pointing of fingers of responsibility. If the baby is yours, your next step should be, are u ready to pay for her abortion, and is she ready for abortion or adoption?? Link to comment
EnolWolf Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 I've told her so many times. She has this strange theory that if you loved someone, you will always have feelings for them no matter what. Thats not true in my case. My ex is literally invisible. I gave all I could and did everything I could. There's nothing more. Us being together again is impossible. Link to comment
tanned_production Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Have you told your current girlfriend all of this? Link to comment
EnolWolf Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 I've told my girlfriend everything there is to say. I ran out of things to explain on the subject. I'm more than willing to accept responsibility if its mine. I love kids and even though it may be tough, having one of mine own would be great! That woulld give me something else to live for. Of course the circumstances are unfortunate, for some of us thats just the way life goes. We make decisions and deal with consequences. Of course I regret ever even speaking to her, but that won't change anything at all. I'll take the hand I've been dealt and move on. Thats all I can do. It doesn't matter how I feel. The child is the only thing that would truly matter. I love my girlfriend. I just hope she would be able to see past it if she truly loves me. In the end, hope is all I have... Link to comment
melrich Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 Well that is a good attitude. I'd look at it this way, if she can't accept that you may have this responsibility and what that entails, she is probably not the right person for you anyway. Give her some time to come to terms with it. Link to comment
EnolWolf Posted March 10, 2005 Author Share Posted March 10, 2005 I hope she comes to terms with it. If not, then its basically my ex making things terrible for me once again. It's discouraging to realize that even if i'm not with her, she'll always have a negative effect on my life... If that's how it is, I have no choice but to accept it. Thanks for your help. Link to comment
arwen Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 I hope she comes to terms with it. If not, then its basically my ex making things terrible for me once again. It's discouraging to realize that even if i'm not with her, she'll always have a negative effect on my life... If that's how it is, I have no choice but to accept it. Well, there are two different problems. You might have a child with an ex that you really had a bad experience with. That is between you and the ex to solve. The other problem is your current gf being scared by this. That is between you and her to solve. I personally don't see why your gf not coming to terms with this, is the responsibility of your ex. I see this is a very complicated situation. I would say, just keep communicating with your current gf, and accept that this is difficult for her even if you have no feelings for the ex. Having a child with her is still difficult for the current gf. take care, Ilse. Link to comment
DN Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 You are also getting yourselves into a tangle about something that may not happen if the child is not yours. Does your ex claim it is yours. How far aliong is the pregnancy? Link to comment
DragonGirl724 Posted March 10, 2005 Share Posted March 10, 2005 ok heres the deal. your current GF is going to have some issues at hand...the main one is that: youre going to have now TWO women in your life now. one you LOVE & one you once LOVED & might share a baby with. its cool that your GF is accepting of the fact that you may have a child on the way, but if her insecurities are going to come between you & your child, dump her! and dump her fast!! you gonna have 'baby momma drama' now b/c this is concerning an ex who you dont care to have in your life anymore & a jealous girlfriend...NOT A GOOD COMBINATION. and if this baby is indeed yours, those facts are NOT going to change. you are doing the right thing by stepping up & caring for this child. everything else comes second in your life now! so if this chick cant deal, get rid of her. youre gonna have enough on your plate to deal with now, a jealous insecure GF shouldnt be one of them. i wouldnt put up with her if i were you. -DG724 Link to comment
EnolWolf Posted September 13, 2005 Author Share Posted September 13, 2005 The kid isn`t mine! Link to comment
DN Posted September 13, 2005 Share Posted September 13, 2005 Are you absolutely sure? Link to comment
EnolWolf Posted September 14, 2005 Author Share Posted September 14, 2005 There was a blood test and it belongs to one of the other guys she cheated on me with whom we`ll call Joe. Link to comment
DN Posted September 14, 2005 Share Posted September 14, 2005 That must be a relief to you. How has this affected your current relationship? Link to comment
EnolWolf Posted September 14, 2005 Author Share Posted September 14, 2005 Well, in the beginning it seemed to be the determining factor of whether we were going to be together or not. She just kept thinking about the fact that I might possibly get back together with my ex just because of a child. It really did stress the whole thing out, but we got over it. But now, my current relationship will soon be my 2nd past one. (separate post) Strangely enough, it`s ending will be so similar to my last relationship nearly one year ago. Link to comment
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