Saxbeliever Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I dated a girl for 3 years. We stopped speaking after things became toxic following a car accident that injured her badly. She began healing and distancing herself while behaving more and more erratic toward the end. We stopped speaking in early February this year. I was heartbroken that it didn't work out but it was for the best and I've since done a lot of soul searching and healing. She called me once out of the blue a month ago to tell me what an amazing man I was and that she wanted to reconcile so if we were to see one another we could greet each other with open arms. She asked if she could call me in a few days and I said I would like that. She never called. She started dating someone else a few days after we stopped speaking and they have been together ever since. So today I get an email telling me that she has bought me a gift. She bought me a book saying it had been on her heart to give it to me. What on earth is the deal? She wants to give me a gift but she won't speak to me? I don't want to read into this. I still have feelings for her but I'm not interested in opening myself back up to heartache and disappointment. I want to just say thanks for the gift and let that be that. Please help me wrap my head around it. Link to comment
E98 Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 I'd just move on. It seems like you're just her 2nd choice. Something doesn't work out here, she'll move to you until something else happens. Just don't speak with her anymore. It's more of a headache than anything. I would tell her thanks but there's no need for her to give you anything and then leave it at that. Be polite but upfront and make your intentions clear. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 It sounds like she is sweetening the pot for the friendzone. Did she have a head injury/brain trauma? behaving more and more erratic toward the end. She started dating someone else.She bought me a book saying it had been on her heart to give it to me. Link to comment
No1 Posted July 6, 2016 Share Posted July 6, 2016 Why does a gift have to mean something? Why cant it just be that she still cares about you much that she bought a book for you. Ive had Xs buy me things and it wasnt a peace offering or saying I want you back. Ive bought an X a gift because it was something she really wanted. No motive behind it, just being nice. Its really up to you on how you feel about it. If I can add.. the relationship is over, it doesnt matter what she said about getting back because she is with another guy. So dont be all confused. Now if you can accept the gift without your blood pressure going up.. great.. if its going to cause you grief, then say thank you for the offer but it wouldnt be right to accept. Link to comment
Saxbeliever Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 It sounds like she is sweetening the pot for the friendzone. Did she have a head injury/brain trauma? Yes, she did. Link to comment
Saxbeliever Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 Thanks...I appreciate your honesty. You're right, it doesn't have to mean something. She was more than likely being just that, nice. I'm still struggling to let go because I never wanted to in the first place. I know that she still cares for me and that won't change. It also doesn't mean that she is incapable of caring for me and being completely in love with someone else. I get it. It just sucks. I've spent the last 7 months moving on. It is a daily choice right now. I wish it were simpler and I wish I were able to just cut off my feelings for her. I'm not there yet but I will be. Thank you for the insight. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Yes, she did. emotional outbursts can follow tbi. they may not be what the person really feels, appropriate for a given situation, and are uncontrolled. mood swings are common. that dramatic sentence about greeting one another with open arms or what was it was a one instance. she has no intention of getting back together, it's that she was having a highly emotionally charged moment and is unihibitedly expressing these surges after the injury. the book too, she likely read it and something in it made her think of you for god knows what reason that may or may not have anything to do with you, but her last powerful emotional connection was with you so that's a charged memory. then days later she's seeing another guy. she knew she would be dating him the day she texted to be friends because she was experiencing a highly unstable mix of wanting this new glossy relationship, remembering you, glorifying the past. she changed after the head injury, you noticed the erratic behavior, and it is common. she could experience various types of sequelae, including anxiety, depression, irritability, temper outbursts...her new relationship could quickly end, and she could proceed to text you with whatever intense mood she is experiencing at the time, so may need to block her if it happens. it must sound ridiculous to you because you were a couple- but don't think of it as personal. mostly, it is organic. because you were the person she was closest to at the time, so that, to her, gives you a special place in her life and the thought triggers all this theater. likewise, if you pi$$ed her off, she would probably be expressing intense anger without inhibition. you can't really count on her being very sensible, controlled, or appropriate now. if it is setting you back in your healing, just stop the contact. Link to comment
No1 Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Thanks...I appreciate your honesty. You're right, it doesn't have to mean something. She was more than likely being just that, nice. I'm still struggling to let go because I never wanted to in the first place. I know that she still cares for me and that won't change. It also doesn't mean that she is incapable of caring for me and being completely in love with someone else. I get it. It just sucks. I've spent the last 7 months moving on. It is a daily choice right now. I wish it were simpler and I wish I were able to just cut off my feelings for her. I'm not there yet but I will be. Thank you for the insight. You will get there. Its just a matter of time. You have the hardest parts behind you. You accepted its over, you let go of the relationship, you accepted she is with someone else now you just have to let life and time do its thing. You are closer to healing than you think. Just remember that you are progressing every day even tho there might be times that it doesnt seem like it. Think of it like a ship crossing the Atlantic, some days it will be smooth sailing and others it might hit rough seas, but no matter what that ship is moving forward and closer to the shore. Keep that in mind. And I believe you were meant to be with someone else. God or whatever power you believe in saved you from more heartache and gave her someone else and you are going to meet someone that will take your breath away. Have faith in life.. the worst is behind you Link to comment
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