I'm fine one minute, then I'm lost...

[clodhopper]

hey guys,

i've posted on here lots in the past about my situation... and you dont really need to read it all to be able to help right now

 

i guess i'm just having a hard time now. i know that its way beyond past over between my ex and i.

 

i guess its just hard cuz one minute i'm fine and the next i find myself wondering if i'll ever really be happy again. people always tell me that i'll be happy again one day with someone else... i guess its just hard to believe that cuz i dont feel it right now.

 

i was just sitting here thinking "yeah its cool, its his loss if he doesnt want me. he'll find someone else to hurt, and i'll find someone else that makes me even more happy than he ever could"... yet now i'm sitting here wondering.. i dont think thats gonna happen. hes been able to move on and like other people, and i havent. hes been able to see me purely in a physcial way, and i havent. hes been able to cut me off and pick me back again... and i just need someone to tell me everything is going to be ok.

 

i'm so sad... and i feel lost. i just feel like i dont have much in my life right now, and all i want is to be truly happy again. the thing i want the most is to be able to have my ex leave my life for good. thats impossible cuz hes friends with my roommates, but when hes not around and no one brings up his name and no one is talking to him, i feel like hes out of my life, and i feel like everythings ok and i can handle another day. then his name gets brought up or i walk into my roommates room and they're talking to him... and i just feel low again...

 

please someone write back and help me.

[melrich]

Hang in there. You will definitely be happy again...hopefully soon....but you have to accept you'll be in a bit of pain and down for a while.

 

I guarantee you things will get better and you will come out of this experience a whole lot stronger and with a whole bunch of new coping skills. Sorry things are tough for you now.

[esboogie143]

I understand what ur going through...if u read my posts u will see that im going through the same thing..I posted today...I guess the right thing would be to be strong...but hey im gonna keep it real with u...its hard to do all the things that r right...if u wanna call ur gonna call regardless of what anyone else says..u have to learn on ur own...its just soooo messed up that the test comes before the experience. Just like me...im learning the hard way...but hey in life thats how everything works...u will only learn from ur own mistakes...so just keep ya head up and just follow ur heart...

[clodhopper]

thanks for the support esboogie. please keep writing.

 

Just like me...im learning the hard way...but hey in life thats how everything works...u will only learn from ur own mistakes...so just keep ya head up and just follow ur heart...

 

i guess its hard cuz i have learned from my mistakes. i've worked on the things that got us messed up before. he made mistakes too, but all i'm saying is i've realized what i could have done better, and i've worked on that and felt myself change. i've learned a lot the past few months

 

if i was to follow my heart... i would be wanting to be friends with him... and i would be wanting to admit that my feelings are still there after all this time...

[lady00]

Try not to let being with someone determine your level of happiness. Try to find happiness in your friends, family, hobbies etc. Whatever you do for fun that has nothing to do with guys...focus your energies on that. Yes, you will feel happy again. You are too young to lose hope. You have so much time ahead of you and you will have other relationships...you just have to be able to happy when you're not in a relationship so that when you do have one, it will add to your happiness rather than make or break it. Hang in there.

[clodhopper]

oh for sure. that's one of the major things i've learned from this difficult breakup.

 

i was dependent on him and dependent on us... to the point where when we broke up, i really felt like i had nothing to live for. it was a big mistake on my part to let myself get that deep into the relationship so it was what was making me happy, not that it was adding to my happiness.

 

it's too late now to change the past, but i know that now. i know thats not healthy. it wasnt my intention, it just happened. and i've learned and tried to start building my life back. i've been doing better in school. i'm able to go out and be happy. i got accepted into the program i want at univeristy and will be starting that in the fall. i have a summer job that i think will be relaly good. i have signed a lease on a new apartment for the fall when i come back to school after the summer. the rest of my life is coming together and i'm happy about that.

 

its just hard to focus on those things... i know i have to. its just really really REALLY sooooo hard!!!

 

i've always been the girl to follow my heart. and its difficult to not be able to do that right now.

[clodhopper]

so i really feel like all hope is completely lost 100% on us. i dont see us being together again, and as much as it hurts, it doesnt hurt as much as it used to.

 

this sounds really bad... but i just wanna get drunk and have one last night with him. the last time we fooled around was totally out of the blue, yet so different from the other times. it was a lot more fun. i wasnt thinking like i did the other times. it was just... i dunno...

[clodhopper]

so i've decided that we just can't fool around anymore ever. we're hardly even talking as it is... so i guess i shouldn't even be worrying about the sex part.

 

the thing is... the past couple days i've missed him. it's been a long time since i've actually missed HIM and the relationship and the emotional stuff. i missed that so much at first, then i got through it and was more missing the physical closeness (hence the fooling around)....

 

but now it's just i dunno... i can't stop thinking about the emotional stuff, like the memories... and how we used to be. i know it's dumb. i'm just in this really weird place right now...

 

any advice?