24 year age gap

[itsallgrand]

What's the rush to go from parents house to a mans house? I guess for me, this huge an age gap or not, it seems like you are trying to skip out on actually establishing yourself as a person and equal , yet you want what comes with doing that.

 

I have a cousin who moved in with an older man at 16. Instead of having to work, he provided a home for her. Instead of dealing with herself, she relied on this man to insulate her from life and responsibility. They married and we're together til his death. She has no skills to be alone and moves from man to man, living on the wealth he left to her.

 

My question is... Why couldn't you wait? If you were in your twenties and established, whole other story. But why did you feel the need to latch on to a man as a teen?

[Aful]

yeah, it wasn't really a planned thing and no I didn't plan on getting into a serious relationship at 17. I wish I would have met him in my later 20's but that didn't happen so now we're here. if I could i'd still be living at my moms, I never had to do a single thing there, she made my food, cleaned my room, did my laundry, never asked me to do anything hell 2 years after I moved out ( I didn't live with my boyfriend until we were together for 2-3 years) my mom was still doing my laundry, when I go home for holidays and long weekends ( I live out of my home town) she still cuts my meat for me. so trust me I know it's not an ideal situation but happens, then you have to deal. it's fckin called life.

What's the rush to go from parents house to a mans house? I guess for me, this huge an age gap or not, it seems like you are trying to skip out on actually establishing yourself as a person and equal , yet you want what comes with doing that. also, if that's your cousin great do you, but I've gone to college for a couple programs, and I've done just fine in them

 

I have a cousin who moved in with an older man at 16. Instead of having to work, he provided a home for her. Instead of dealing with herself, she relied on this man to insulate her from life and responsibility. They married and we're together til his death. She has no skills to be alone and moves from man to man, living on the wealth he left to her.

 

My question is... Why couldn't you wait? If you were in your twenties and established, whole other story. But why did you feel the need to latch on to a man as a teen?

[YtheSADface]

My ex-husband and I were together 7 years. I was 19 and he was 43 when we started dating. We met at work and he was my best friend. We separated about a month ago, and though I still love him dearly, I understand now that I was too immature to understand that the reasons that I was attracted to him would later be the exact reasons I left him. Let me elaborate:

This man was compassionate, intelligent, a great leader, with a huge circle of friends.

 

I now know that his compassion stemmed from his inability to cope with his own life (he was a major alcoholic, drug addict, and chain smoker). Luckily, after only about a year into our relationship, he sobered up. He has made great strides but emotionally, he is still in his late teens/ early twenties.

 

His intelligence, however great, had never been challenged nor put to good use. He went through 17 different jobs through the course of our relationship. It was easier to complain about the fact that no job was ever good enough than it was to put in the hard work and pursue a career he might actually enjoy. His intelligence was fogged by the fear of failure/success. (I still don't know which one)

 

He is a GREAT leader! People would do anything for him. He is able to coach people to reach for their full potential. He leads through empowering others and though that is great for those who surround him, it leaves no room for his personal growth or development.

 

Because of his great qualities, he had a huge circle of friends ranging from young to old, rich to poor. As it turns out this circle of friends was largely based on the communality of drugs, alcohol, immaturity, or misery. When he distanced himself from those traits, his circle of friends dissipated.

 

Is he an amazing man? Absolutely! He's come a long way from where he was just 7 years ago. However the amount of growth that he has made in these 7 years pales in comparison to my own growth. And for that reason we are not together. I will always love him. He is the father of my children, and the man that I had always wanted to spend the rest of my life with. As it turns out, not all older men have their together. In retrospect, I see that he was attracted to me because at the time we really were no different. We were both living on someone else's dime, living for the moment, and coasting through life without a worry or care in the world; which is O.K. when your in your teens/early twenties, not so much when you're in your 40s.

 

Advice:

For what it's worth, my advice to you is....

Where do you want to be in 5 years? Financially, emotionally, physically?

Will he be able to stand by your side and not only help you get there but be there as well? Be a pillar in your life and not just an ornament... Do I regret being with him? I don't know... I'd like to say that I don't regret anything I've ever done. I just wish I had come to terms with reality a little sooner. Maybe then I would have grown in my own life quicker because I wouldn't have been spending so much time nurturing him and attempting to help him with his path.

[Aful]

Damn thats intense . I don't really get why people assume I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him. I don't really see myself " being together forever " with anyone . I'm probably a bit jaded from seeing my moms 2 serious relationships fail ,to both my dad and my sisters. Anyway as far as the future it's like a normal relationship, in 5 years I'll be 26, so hopefully I'll be working a job in my feild and living life I'll probably move back to my home town to be with family for a bit . If me and him are still together great if not then that's okay too. I would love if me and him could have a life together and live happily ever after. As far as looking into the future and if he can get me to places I want to be , absolutely I wouldn't have even gone to college if it wasn't for him. I was lazy, self entitled, and really just wanted to be supported which him and my mom were both doing for me. I never ask my family for anything. And I'm still pretty bratty but I'm doing great in school . Right now I can't really say where I see myself we've had this conversation many times over the last 4 and a half years . If there's ever a point one of us is unhappy we break up exactly like a normal relationship

My ex-husband and I were together 7 years. I was 19 and he was 43 when we started dating. We met at work and he was my best friend. We separated about a month ago, and though I still love him dearly, I understand now that I was too immature to understand that the reasons that I was attracted to him would later be the exact reasons I left him. Let me elaborate:

This man was compassionate, intelligent, a great leader, with a huge circle of friends.

 

I now know that his compassion stemmed from his inability to cope with his own life (he was a major alcoholic, drug addict, and chain smoker). Luckily, after only about a year into our relationship, he sobered up. He has made great strides but emotionally, he is still in his late teens/ early twenties.

 

His intelligence, however great, had never been challenged nor put to good use. He went through 17 different jobs through the course of our relationship. It was easier to complain about the fact that no job was ever good enough than it was to put in the hard work and pursue a career he might actually enjoy. His intelligence was fogged by the fear of failure/success. (I still don't know which one)

 

He is a GREAT leader! People would do anything for him. He is able to coach people to reach for their full potential. He leads through empowering others and though that is great for those who surround him, it leaves no room for his personal growth or development.

 

Because of his great qualities, he had a huge circle of friends ranging from young to old, rich to poor. As it turns out this circle of friends was largely based on the communality of drugs, alcohol, immaturity, or misery. When he distanced himself from those traits, his circle of friends dissipated.

 

Is he an amazing man? Absolutely! He's come a long way from where he was just 7 years ago. However the amount of growth that he has made in these 7 years pales in comparison to my own growth. And for that reason we are not together. I will always love him. He is the father of my children, and the man that I had always wanted to spend the rest of my life with. As it turns out, not all older men have their together. In retrospect, I see that he was attracted to me because at the time we really were no different. We were both living on someone else's dime, living for the moment, and coasting through life without a worry or care in the world; which is O.K. when your in your teens/early twenties, not so much when you're in your 40s.

 

Advice:

For what it's worth, my advice to you is....

Where do you want to be in 5 years? Financially, emotionally, physically?

Will he be able to stand by your side and not only help you get there but be there as well? Be a pillar in your life and not just an ornament... Do I regret being with him? I don't know... I'd like to say that I don't regret anything I've ever done. I just wish I had come to terms with reality a little sooner. Maybe then I would have grown in my own life quicker because I wouldn't have been spending so much time nurturing him and attempting to help him with his path.

[Wiseman2]

That's a great point. Sometimes people fill a role at certain points in life, but they are not meant to be lifelong partners.

I don't really get why people assume I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with him. I wouldn't have even gone to college if it wasn't for him.

[Itchy]

24 year old age gap? I'd rather you than me. I couldn't date a woman 24 year older than me but if it works for you then go you.

[Aful]

Yeah I couldn't date a woman 24 years older than me either

24 year old age gap? I'd rather you than me. I couldn't date a woman 24 year older than me but if it works for you then go you.

[Zaphod]

When I was in my early twenties, I used to fancy Joan Collins, who was at the time, in her early sixties I believe, or late fifties, , it's the whole package with her. I would have certainly enjoyed her company once or twice at that time, and no doubt she would have left me battered and broken by the wayside with a stupid grin on my face. Just being pedantic - there was also the Sophia Lorens etc.

 

It's not impossible, just very unlikely.

[Aful]

my godmothers hot as and in her mid 60's and dating some big black guy that's 35 so... they've been together for like 5 years

When I was in my early twenties, I used to fancy Joan Collins, who was at the time, in her early sixties I believe, or late fifties, , it's the whole package with her. I would have certainly enjoyed her company once or twice at that time, and no doubt she would have left me battered and broken by the wayside with a stupid grin on my face. Just being pedantic - there was also the Sophia Lorens etc.

 

It's not impossible, just very unlikely.

[Zaphod]

my godmothers hot as and in her mid 60's and dating some big black guy that's 35 so... they've been together for like 5 years

 

I've had a couple of girlfriends now where I fancied the Mum almost more than the girl. Kind of equally as much, at least. My last girlfriend clocked it, first time she took me back to her house, she said to me "were you flirting with my Mum?" and suddenly I realised that subconciously, I had been a little bit.