First girlfriend of over a year left me for someone else about 2.5 months ago

[HelloFolks]

Hi good people, I'm 20 (turning 21 this september), the girl I'm talking about turned 21 this february. We both are computer science students and started in the same college but transferred to different colleges which are an hour away to complete our graduation (went long distance for 6 months before she left me for someone else).

 

Now this is what happened, She was in a relationship of 4 years with some other guy before we started dating (we were in the same colleges before transferring). Our relationship was beautiful by all means in the beginning. This was my first relationship so I learned a lot of stuff I didn't know before. Our college program was setup in a way that we do first two years there and the final two years in a different university in the USA based on our GPA. I was at 3.8/4 and she was at 3.3/4. I got a better college and although I badly wanted to go to the same college as her and she wanted the same, I decided to not jeopordize a better career for anyone and chose the better option (though our colleges are just an hour away by road). We both decided to make it work long distance and put good efforts into it. Then we both came to USA, things were harder for me (better college) than for her but she supported me through out. She became friends with this guy who she's now dating in the same semester who's really smart (academically) and helped her with all her academic workload (she doesn't like computer science at all so can't really handle the difficulty). She told me about him but said she wouldn't tell him about me as he wouldn't help her if he knew she was dating (I couldn't help but agree to this as otherwise there was no way she would've passed, and I hated to see her cry because of academics, was just being a good boyfriend ). She looks really attractive and is damn pretty, this guy was attracted to her just like all the rest from the beginning but she wasn't. She told me she could never be in a relationship with him and that I don't have to worry. We met quite a lot during our time in long distance, she stayed with me during winter breaks and thanksgiving. Now comes the next semester (spring of this year) when everything changed. As for me, everything was going smooth and I though I had the same loving girlfriend with me. This wasn't the case for her obviously, this guy got to know about me (her then boyfriend) from some sources and asked her if its true, she said yes it is and he got upset over it. She then told me that she'll have to "fake" a breakup with me but it wouldn't affect our reality at all, I was being too overly nice (and dumb) to agree to this. But in hindsight, I couldn't have done anything else as she would've failed the semester otherwise without his help. So I decided to put my faith in her and portrayed a saint in her until she actually did the deed). This guy then surprised her hand wooed her on Valentines day and she fell for it. He's a nice guy apparently, has a car (I don't, new to the country you see!) , is earning decent for a student through internship and is doing well academically. Around this time I started to see some change in her, she didn't call me at night, didn't pick my calls either. I was still picturing a saint in her before one day she told me that she likes him and was already in a relationship with him. I got shocked, the reality struck me like a bullet, for the first time in my life I felt so miserable and used up. I felt like dying to be honest. Around that time, I spoke with her for exactly 7 days (usual post break-up thing) before cutting all my ties with her. I didn't pick up her calls or reply to a few texts she used to send. The last time she called, I then told her on phone that "this is the last time I'm speaking to you, nothing against you but I need to maintain my own emotional and mental stability").

I started recovering and detaching myself from her. Then came this summer and we both are back in my country now as I type this (we live in different cities). I feel like again, I feel bad, I feel unwanted and undesirable. I miss the old self. I remember how I was before she walked in. I ALWAYS had a girl to flirt with and speak to, and they all really liked me but I never pursued a relationship with any of them because I was self sufficient. This was the first girl I fell in love with. Now, for the first time in my life I have no such girl to speak with or flirt with, all of them have a boyfriend now. I always had extremely high self esteem and thought that whichever girl walks in my life will be very lucky to have me. I was proud of that feeling. I now find myself alone and lonely. She's been lately trying to contact me and get in touch. She dropped me texts on whatsapp, where her profile picture is herself and this new guy, her status is "I'll miss you so much ". I don't understand how can she be so stupid and text me with that as her picture and status? How would she not know that it'll pinch me and hurt me? Yes, it has been three months roughly since all of this happened and according to her it shouldn't affect me now, but still, this is such a pathetic attempt to friend zone me. I'm not replying back though, She even called me from her mom's cell phone and I spoke really nicely with her. After cutting the call, she dropped a text on whatsapp saying it was so good catching up and then another couple of texts of some inside joke of ours. I didn't reply. I fail to understand what's wrong with her. I know she is completely over me and might as well last with this new guy as she sees convenience with him, they're going to graduate together, possibly work in the same cities, are in the same college currently etc. but then why not just leave me alone? Why contact me when she knows I'd see her picture with this guy rubbing into my face? How can someone be so insensitive?

I'm going to the gym as well but today I had a hard time doing abs which I feel really bad about, I really need some help. I feel lonely and sad, I was never like this before she walked in. I have no hope for a future with her (a part of me does to be honest but not really!) and I don't want a girl like her to affect me so much. I got a lot of to handle in school and I want to focus on that. I feel like I was wrong to be such a nice guy. Anyone of you can help me with this and cheer me up?

 

-Thanks a lot for reading.

[Wiseman2]

I would block her and her stupid head games completely. Then find yourself a really nice gf who doesn't resort to this type of crap.

She dropped me texts on whatsapp, where her profile picture is herself and this new guy, her status is "I'll miss you so much ". I don't understand how can she be so stupid and text me with that as her picture and status?

[HelloFolks]

I've removed her from Facebook, deleted her number, removed her from instagram. But this would be burning the last bridge. I heard somewhere that's not the best idea. It's literally the only bridge of communication between me and her, although I don't text her at all I want to keep it open for her.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you are leaving the door open to provide yourself with the pain of her moving on with this guy. Why are you hanging on when she has moved on?

But this would be burning the last bridge. I want to keep it open for her.

[shessofly]

I've removed her from Facebook, deleted her number, removed her from instagram. But this would be burning the last bridge. I heard somewhere that's not the best idea. It's literally the only bridge of communication between me and her, although I don't text her at all I want to keep it open for her.

 

You want to keep the door open for someone like this? Why?

[Clinton]

You're in different Universities for 4 years. Relationships seldom survive that kind of separation. Add to that that it's the college years, a time when people change and experiment, and the odds of a happy ending are almost non existant.

 

My advice, move on as if she's never coming back. Let the future take care of itself. Meet other people. Enjoy your University experience.

[HelloFolks]

No no, we were in the same uni for the first two years. Different for last two. Currently we are entering our fourth year but yeah, I get the idea. I'm trying my best to move on. In fact, to an extent I have. With time my heart has turned stone cold but a small stupid part of me says that with time it has made her heart fonder which makes her text and call me now, which is really stupid as I really want me to be in a state where I really don't care.

[Clinton]

No no, we were in the same uni for the first two years. Different for last two. Currently we are entering our fourth year.

 

Even two years is a long time at this stage. My advice stands.

[HelloFolks]

I agree with you, I really don't want to care enough about it. But since she and this new guy are going to now graduate together, they'll escape this "phase" of college years when people change and experiment, as you said. It pinches really bad to see that the guy she cheated on me with might be the guy she ends up with.

[Clinton]

I agree with you, I really don't want to care enough about it. But since she and this new guy are going to now graduate together, they'll escape this "phase" of college years when people change and experiment, as you said. It pinches really bad to see that the guy she cheated on me with might be the guy she ends up with.

 

Thing is, she's out of your life so it really shouldn't matter. She may end up marrying him and having a happy life. Or she might leave him next week. Who knows and really who cares.

 

All you need to worry about is your life which seems very bright from an outsiders perspective. You'll graduate University with a worthwhile degree and go on to a good career. There will be lots of women who will be interested in you. One of them will be the woman you share your life with.

 

I know it hurts now, but you will get over that and move on to better things. Hang in there, it gets better.