My man and I are having problems

[LL0singmymind]

I am not in a good place. I know I am not the best person... I deal with borderline personality disorder... which has made me a monster in the dating scene. I'm struggling immensely with my boyfriend. We argue hard... and while it doesn't happen constantly when it happens we argue hard.

 

What I don't like, is my boyfriend rarely admits fault. I know, part of my head ed upness means I have a hard time seeing that I'm to blame for anything. Yet, when I go back and look at things in a manner where I'm being inrtrospective like my head doctor has told me. I'm not always being a monster... but he's always used my insanity as a means to prove that I'm being wrong, or just plain crazy... and he even uses “Crazy” as a pet name for me. I'm starting to think he's dating me just because when all else fails he can throw my maddness in my face and blame me for everything.

 

I've even asked for apologies but, even when he's saying sorry he's blaming me somehow... or at least I think he is. I'm trying so hard to be a good a person.... but, I'm having a hard time seeing any good in me now. He wants me to pristine and I have to try my hardest and I have to think so much about everything I do, so I don't damage him.

 

I'm having such a hard time... it seems like no matter what I do unless I'm perfect we will fight, and when we fight he will blame it on me. Than he'll say things like “I can't appologize to you when your like this.”

 

Our last fight was because I used a word he didn't like for a musician he adores, while I was trying to praise the man's intelligence for having a “Gimmck” to grab attention from people. He took it as me belittling the musician not him. He... got angry and started telling me how I'm wrong... and I got angry. I know I got agitated with him, but, I didn't like how passionate he got about me saying something so silly. Like he had to deconstruct everything I said, to prove how I'm wrong.

 

And as usual... it ends with me having to admit how I'm insane... and that the entire argument was because I was losing my mind. He... seems like he's using my head issue as a get out of jail free card.

 

Or maybe I'm being crazy and I cause everything... I don't know. I'm not sure anymore.

 

I'm sorry... I'm very drunk... I don't know what to do. I love him immensely... but I'm having such a hard time.

[crowleysgirl]

You need to get away from this guy. At this point, it doesn't matter which of you should be apologizing for which argument. You are trying to get better and he is making that harder for you. Even if it is unintentional, and even if you are wrong more than you realize, staying with him seems to be making things harder for you. And for the record, him getting angry at you just using a specific word is pretty alarming. There's nothing wrong or unintelligent about an artist having a gimmick. Your boyfriend seems pretty controlling and confrontational. And also pretty dismissive of you as a person if he always just rebuffs your statements by calling you crazy. This is not a partnership. You guys are not on the same team. And your emotions from your relationship with him will keep clouding your judgement as you try to get better and improve yourself.

[Wiseman2]

But here is the thing, it's not about admitting fault, it's about seeking understanding. You see, this blame/fault game just further sets the stage for more arguments because that is finger pointing, not listening, understanding or venting. Disagreeing is fine, getting upset is fine, blowing off some pent up stuff is fine.

 

However what you are describing is your BF being argumentative and needing to be "right". This is arrogance and power struggling. Best thing you can do, particularly if it's trivia like this? Agree. Yep, when you let go of the rope in a tug of war the opponent falls back on their rear. I would not bother offering resistance (and thus energy) to nonsense who's right/who's wrong games. That's an ego struggle and most often has nothing to do with the topic at hand anyway. Learn verbal martial arts so you can let people fall on their own weight.

my boyfriend rarely admits fault.

[Snny]

but he's always used my insanity as a means to prove that I'm being wrong, or just plain crazy... and he even uses “Crazy” as a pet name for me. I'm starting to think he's dating me just because when all else fails he can throw my maddness in my face and blame me for everything.

This is a solid reason why you should dump him. It is never "haha funny" or even remotely ok to call a person with a disability "Crazy." Its very grotesque and morbid of him to even consider it a "pet name."

 

Screw this guy. He needs a good kick to the curb.

[Eva321]

What benefits do you gain from being with him and are they worth staying for? He should enhance your life not drain it. Look after your self!!