Jump to content

Recommended Posts

I wasn't expecting to be on here. , I'm sure most of you weren't either. But here I am, and here I go.

I was dumped, and with my luck it'll happen again. I just never expected it to be with her. We clicked in a major way. We...

Let me give you some back story.

She was the rebound from a previous relationship that was very one sided. She jumped in with both feet and was caring and nurturing and immediately my thoughts of the previous girl were gone. I fell for her hard. I was ready to be done looking. I didn't want anyone else. Flash forward over a year later, we were struggling to find an apartment we could afford, that'll accept two cats. We were going to visit (and in my case meet) her grandparents. One of them was dying, so this was sorta needed to be done quickly. We planned this trip for months, and then at the last second, she texts me that she'd prefer to go by herself. Not OK with this, and not clear why, I took that as her have a... Crisis. Which, since she's bipolar (medicated though), happened occasionally. I told her that it'll be OK but this was what we planned to do and I want and should go. We talked on the phone and kinda argued about it and she wouldn't explain why she didn't want me to go. She finally relented and just said fine, forget we had the conversation, I can go. So that was that, but I sensed she wasn't happy that I basically hornswaggled her into taking me, so I left her alone.

Next day, the night before we're supposed to leave, I texted her from work asking if she'd be at my place to help me pack. She said yes she'll be there, we need to talk. Now, I know what that means. It means "I'm leaving you, but am going to respect you enough to do it in person."

I get home, see her sitting on my couch and there's boxes of my stuff that was at her house nearby. I sat down next to her and just said "Why?"

She gave me a letter that basically said it wasn't me, it was her. That I'm great, but she needs to be alone. That she needs to learn to be by herself. That she needs to leave me.


Yeah. All that .

I cried. I questioned. She shrugged and didn't look like she was doing this out of malice. And I don't really care. I don't care why we broke up. I care about getting her back.

I was cut off. I was dumped. And I was abandoned. I got drunk. I did drugs. I slept. I cried. And its only been a ing weekend. Worse, I've been alone with my thoughts.

Stupidly, I went back on a dating site, the same one we met on. I just needed to talk to someone. Someone interesting and new and exciting. My ex did give me her blessing and told me to.

I felt sick looking at all these profiles. I didn't want to know any of them. Or even try looking. I dont want a new girlfriend, I want MY girlfriend BACK.

I saw her profile was up, as she was the last person who wrote to me over a year ago. She had been on hers the day before. She was checking to see if I updated mine. I know this, because I asked her what the we were both doing on that site when we could easily have each other back...

She kept saying she can't go back on this. She needs to be strong. She is strong, and I loved that about her. But she couldn't just fight through the crap life gives you and get through it together, like most couples do.

I want to be there for her. I miss the future we laid out for ourselves. I miss the fantasy of looking at our kids and seeing her smile on their faces.

I don't want to be here. I want to be in her arms. I want to not feel this... Pain...

I want her back.

Link to comment

Oh ricodigiorgio, i am so sorry you are going through this! It sounds terrible!


I think the fact that one of her Grandparents are dying has to do something with this. It's weird how the mind works through grief.

Maybe she couldn't handle the loss and the move all happening together.


edit: try to stay away from drugs and alcohol, they rarely help.

Link to comment

Oh man, I feel you, I have had the similar feelings before, but I think you need to give her some space. The more you are pushing to get back to her, the more she will go away.


That's what I think. Of course, it is not your fault, she has to fight her own demons.


I think you have created a dependency on her and that is not good. Try to be happy with yourself.... It is easy said than done, but I have been there and I have suffered as well.

Link to comment

edit: try to stay away from drugs and alcohol, they rarely help.


Like a Mexican artist said: "I tried to forget and drown my sorrows in alcohol, but the damned things learned to swim".


Don't do that man, it will make you worse. The best drug is to meet people and move one.

Link to comment

I'm sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar months ago. It hurts like hell. There is no magic pill that makes the pain go away. I know you want her back I feel the same about my ex. For now give her space. Don't text or call, let some time go by. I've yet to move on and I don't encourage that. I'm not going to tell you to do the things everyone mentions (hang out with friends, family, etc.). You have to feel the pain and let the grief come. This is a very hard thing to go through. Stay strong, take it day to day.

Link to comment

Agree, you miss what could have been, not what really was/is. Sadly she is unstable and unhappy, which you can't fix. She wants out and all you can do is try to move on...preferably on an another site. Next time try to search for someone compatible, not to look for distractions such as "new and exciting".

I miss the fantasy
Link to comment

Sorry to hear that, ricodigiorgio, that sounds very rough. Its very tough and youre naturally going to be feeling down and sad. If I can give you some advice from what Im going through in my breakup right now, surround yourself with friends and family, don't contact your ex at all, go to the gym and keep venting and talking to people. Your breakup only happened in the last few days, so while everyone is different, I really recommend you stay away from dating sites and so on, I know the feeling you described


I felt sick looking at all these profiles. I didn't want to know any of them. Or even try looking. I dont want a new girlfriend, I want MY girlfriend BACK.


I had a bit of a messy breakup, but Im months out from it and a couple of months into NC and I have found this past week that its still too soon for me to be dating, so being only a few days out and on dating sites isn't going to help you; youre working through the shock of your ex, etc., so being out there and chasing a new person to replace your ex is just going to make things worse.


Take some time to focus just on you. Its going to be a tough bit of time, but itll get better, youll start having 'good days' again, and eventually the good days will outnumber the bad. Stay close to family and friends, use this site and keep yourself busy.

Link to comment

Perhaps you shouldn't have tried to force yourself on the trip to her grandparents. Yes, she originally wanted you to go, but she changed her mind. One of her grandparents was dying, and people deal with grief in all kinds of different ways. But, what's done is done. You cannot go back. She made her choice. And I agree with the others that you shouldn't bother with dating sites any time soon. Nothing good could come from that, just more drama and you potentially hurting someone because you weren't really ready to date. Take your time to do whatever you need to do to heal.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...