The evolution of a breadcrumb trail (from ex GF)

[purpldreams]

Hey guys,

 

The point of this thread is to give you a solid and most importantly, LIVE example of what breadcrumbs can look like.

 

So exactly three weeks ago, I had a discussion on Skype with the girl who is now my ex. After various breaks and issues, it marked the end of the relationship. Her decision, not mine.

I was very clear, wouldn't be in contact, wouldn't stay friends, none of that. The following morning after the Skype session, I simply recorded a short video to add some stuff I forgot to mention the previous day and that was it. Didn't even reply to her text after she saw the video.

 

The discussion on Skype was pathetic. Despite one month to gather her thoughts, she had pretty much nothing to say. She did shed a few tears towards the end but that was it. For me it was clear she had decided her life would be more enjoyable without me and despite our massive history as friends then lovers, I wasn't expecting breadcrumbs anytime soon. She isn't bored, she has friends, a nice life, etc...

 

The video I mentioned is on YouTube (it's hidden of course, but she has the link). Didn't remove it, on purpose.

Monday (so exactly two weeks after sending her the video) I notice there is now three views on the video instead of the initial two from the day I sent it to her. But more importantly there was a comment, which was a question about the video title. Didn't reply, I had read enough about no contact and was mentally ready to ignore any attempt, plus it was clear to me she already knew the answer to her question.

 

Friday morning, another view on the video but very short (I know this through YouTube analytics), so clearly just to make sure I hadn't replied to her comment. Friday evening, an e-mail where she basically says she hopes I am well and wishes me a good week-end, with a heart "

 

Today, her Instagram, which has been private forever, becomes public. The only way for me to see it, since I unfollowed her a long time ago. How do I notice? Well, after her two attempts, I knew something else was coming so I simply kept an eye on her profile from time to time. She knows Instagram is my main social media, I have a pretty big page.

Not only that, but at the same time she posts a nice pic of her naked legs, something she has never, ever done before (there is one selfie on her entire page).

 

So here you go guys. That's pretty much live and I will keep updating this thread if more stuff comes. Gives you a pretty good idea of what breadcrumbs can be like and how soon they can happen, even when you thought there was no chance in hell you would hear from that person in the next few months. Today it's barely been three weeks.

Didn't go into details about the breakup and all that but trust me when I say breadcrumbs in that context weren't expected at all.

[Sarah691607309662]

those breadcrumbs are production of ego. She probably expected you to whine a bit more, to attempt to go back with her, to argue, etc. The absence of your reaction was deflating to her ego, hence she is poking around to get reaction. You are doing fine, but BEWARE - when you are keeping eyes on breadcrumbs, even if you think you are all cool and composed, those breadcrumbs become your life.

[purpldreams]

For sure. Going to remain as detached as possible.

 

Something I didn't mention... You know how you often read that they can sense when you are moving on? When the first breadcrumb happened is when I was really starting to feel good, slept with another girl the previous week-end and everything was cool. So yeah, sometimes it really seems like they can sense it.

[ThatwasThen]

I hope she has the strength to go zero contact with you which includes having the good sense to not creep your instgram.

[HeartGoesOn]

I was very clear, wouldn't be in contact, wouldn't stay friends, none of that. The following morning after the Skype session, I simply recorded a short video to add some stuff I forgot to mention the previous day and that was it. Didn't even reply to her text after she saw the video.

 

This is not meant to sound harsh, but after making yourself clear (as above), why are you leaving that video up, and checking her other forms of social media, etc?

 

I'm sorry, but what you're basically doing is throwing the bait. Having said that, why not look at this as, if she wants to be with you, she knows where to find you? Of course I certainly understand this is not what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear, (imo).

[Movingforward3]

Yes, I second heart goes on!

[purpldreams]

This is not meant to sound harsh, but after making yourself clear (as above), why are you leaving that video up, and checking her other forms of social media, etc?

 

I'm sorry, but what you're basically doing is throwing the bait. Having said that, why not look at this as, if she wants to be with you, she knows where to find you? Of course I certainly understand this is not what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear, (imo).

 

Actually that's exactly what I mentioned in the video, and also why I left it up. In case she needed to hear it again (which she clearly did, no one is forcing her to watch it, the link is in a three week old e-mail).

She knows everything that's in my heart regarding the both of us.

 

I unfollowed her on every social media, the reason I kept an eye on her Instagram page these past couple days is because I felt something was coming after my lack of response. Maybe I should have ignored it but still, I was right and part of me is definitely seeing this as a game, it's kinda funny let's be honest. At this point I feel good enough about the situation to not see all this as a setback like breadcrumbs can be sometimes. I don't think there is more chance of us getting back together, like Sarah69 said, it was clear from the start this was all ego.

 

Also, to be clear, the breakup didn't happen just like that. It all started late January and I did everything in my power to save the relationship, and went through all the awful phases, the crying, depression, etc... The reason I am able to handle it pretty well so soon after that Skype session is because there was already a breakup before it, then a reconciliation, then some more crap that crushed me, etc... That's why I am so "ready" for this kind of stuff, already went through the rough patch a while ago.

[purpldreams]

Like I said, the point of this thread is to give people a live example of how breadcrumbs "behave" and evolve, and what can eventually come out of it (nothing for now).

 

Couple minutes ago: first text in three weeks, quite lengthy, basically explaining how much she misses me and she doesn't want me to think she is just a cold emotionless wall. She said she kept the text in her phone for a week, and after a week she still felt the same so she sent it.

 

Not gonna lie, the part of me who wanted to read this for so long is still half alive somewhere inside my brain, so I teared up for a second, but it's definitely not the same impact once the healing process is at such an advanced stage.

[Bigdeal123]

Like I said, the point of this thread is to give people a live example of how breadcrumbs "behave" and evolve, and what can eventually come out of it (nothing for now).

 

Couple minutes ago: first text in three weeks, quite lengthy, basically explaining how much she misses me and she doesn't want me to think she is just a cold emotionless wall. She said she kept the text in her phone for a week, and after a week she still felt the same so she sent it.

 

Not gonna lie, the part of me who wanted to read this for so long is still half alive somewhere inside my brain, so I teared up for a second, but it's definitely not the same impact once the healing process is at such an advanced stage.

 

 

Pardon me but who is throwing who the breadcrumbs here???? what kind of no contact is this if you only don't reply to her? I sense that your ego is bruised and somehow you enjoy hearing from her and or over analyzing her motives and intentions... No contact is intended to ease your healing process and not a way to get revenge on the other party. I am not saying this in a mean way but I don't think if she is showing off her naked legs on Instagram for everyone to see... she is throwing you breadcrumbs either. She could be very well too but I think you maybe reading too much into it. I think our brains function that way. We need to validate every curve and turn as a sign of the other party's showing remorse and regret, especially if we are the dumpee! If you were really over her so called games and breadcrumbs, and didn't need a closure yet a reconciliation(Maybe?), not only you wouldn't give a damn about her naked legs on Instagram but also you wouldn't take so much of your precious time making a thread and calling it LIVE process of breadcrumbs by an ex! I truly think you are not only Not over her (doesn't really matter positively or negatively/ meaning loving her or hating her) but secretly you actually like to get her on her knees asking for forgiveness before you actually dump her yourself!!!! And then maybe you can actually move on. Otherwise, she could post her whole naked body and you wouldn't give a second to even look at the post, let alone thinking she did it for your eyes only! Sorry if I sounded harsh.

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like a lot of head games. Can you go no contact?

[HeartGoesOn]

I was very clear, wouldn't be in contact, wouldn't stay friends, none of that.

 

Followed by:

Couple minutes ago: first text in three weeks, quite lengthy, basically explaining how much she misses me and she doesn't want me to think she is just a cold emotionless wall.

 

I'm sorry, but can you see the contradictions here? Since you told her you "wouldn't be in contact," why is she not blocked?

[purpldreams]

Pardon me but who is throwing who the breadcrumbs here???? what kind of no contact is this if you only don't reply to her? I sense that your ego is bruised and somehow you enjoy hearing from her and or over analyzing her motives and intentions... No contact is intended to ease your healing process and not a way to get revenge on the other party. I am not saying this in a mean way but I don't think if she is showing off her naked legs on Instagram for everyone to see... she is throwing you breadcrumbs either. She could be very well too but I think you maybe reading too much into it. I think our brains function that way. We need to validate every curve and turn as a sign of the other party's showing remorse and regret, especially if we are the dumpee! If you were really over her so called games and breadcrumbs, and didn't need a closure yet a reconciliation(Maybe?), not only you wouldn't give a damn about her naked legs on Instagram but also you wouldn't take so much of your precious time making a thread and calling it LIVE process of breadcrumbs by an ex! I truly think you are not only Not over her (doesn't really matter positively or negatively/ meaning loving her or hating her) but secretly you actually like to get her on her knees asking for forgiveness before you actually dump her yourself!!!! And then maybe you can actually move on. Otherwise, she could post her whole naked body and you wouldn't give a second to even look at the post, let alone thinking she did it for your eyes only! Sorry if I sounded harsh.

 

That's going way too far. Never said I wouldn't reply to her, I was simply waiting for something meaningful to break NC. NC can be broken if you feel ready and there is a good reason to do so. I felt ready, but the reason was lacking.

 

You are very misguided. I care for this girl with all my heart and soul, and made it very clear that I was open to a reconciliation if she ever changed her mind. Sorry if I gave off a negative vibe but that's really not my state of mind right now. I don't want to hurt her, ever (she hurt me, not the other way around) and I definitely don't intend to get back with her just to dump her, that's f*cking crazy. I feel lucky that she is coming around, again this thread is simply here to show how those things evolve, since this is the getting back together section, and breadcrumbs can become the start of two people getting back together.

 

About the Instagram pic, I simply said that she had never done that before and that the timing was odd (and you get further proof here), that's it. Never said she did it for my eyes, but she probably wanted my attention since she made the profile public all of a sudden, the only way for me to see what's posted on it.

 

It's kinda crazy how you turn her into the victim and me into a sociopath. You are way too negative and really underestimate how well I know her, but most importantly how much I care for her, NC or no NC.

I never pretended to be over her, I still think we are meant to be together. I said I felt good and was an advanced stage of the healing process, which is why I can talk about all this easily and saw the breadcrumbs as humorous. Forgive me for trying to find some positivity into all this after days spent crying.

 

She sent me an e-mail later after her text where she explains her state of mind post-breakup, why she did what she did, etc... And no, she is not well, and yes, she has many regrets. So guess who was right?

So NC has been broken, I was very nice and kind, like I said, the last thing I want is to hurt her or another argument, but of course I was also very clear on the fact that the situation is still the same and that if she wants me in her life, that's as her boyfriend.

 

Followed by:

 

I'm sorry, but can you see the contradictions here? Since you told her you "wouldn't be in contact," why is she not blocked?

 

That's an extreme version of NC and not one you should go for when open to a reconciliation, which I have been from the start. In the video I told her that if she ever changed her mind, she knew where to find me. Blocking her number kinda goes against that. Not to mention all the ways people have nowadays to contact someone. Blocked e-mail/facebook/etc...? Just use another account. Blocked number? Just use a friend's phone. Really mean it? Send a letter.

[Bigdeal123]

Hey guys,

 

The point of this thread is to give you a solid and most importantly, LIVE example of what breadcrumbs can look like.

 

So exactly three weeks ago, I had a discussion on Skype with the girl who is now my ex. After various breaks and issues, it marked the end of the relationship. Her decision, not mine.

I was very clear, wouldn't be in contact, wouldn't stay friends, none of that. The following morning after the Skype session, I simply recorded a short video to add some stuff I forgot to mention the previous day and that was it. Didn't even reply to her text after she saw the video.

 

The discussion on Skype was pathetic. Despite one month to gather her thoughts, she had pretty much nothing to say. She did shed a few tears towards the end but that was it. For me it was clear she had decided her life would be more enjoyable without me and despite our massive history as friends then lovers, I wasn't expecting breadcrumbs anytime soon. She isn't bored, she has friends, a nice life, etc...

 

The video I mentioned is on YouTube (it's hidden of course, but she has the link). Didn't remove it, on purpose.

Monday (so exactly two weeks after sending her the video) I notice there is now three views on the video instead of the initial two from the day I sent it to her. But more importantly there was a comment, which was a question about the video title. Didn't reply, I had read enough about no contact and was mentally ready to ignore any attempt, plus it was clear to me she already knew the answer to her question.

 

Friday morning, another view on the video but very short (I know this through YouTube analytics), so clearly just to make sure I hadn't replied to her comment. Friday evening, an e-mail where she basically says she hopes I am well and wishes me a good week-end, with a heart "

 

Today, her Instagram, which has been private forever, becomes public. The only way for me to see it, since I unfollowed her a long time ago. How do I notice? Well, after her two attempts, I knew something else was coming so I simply kept an eye on her profile from time to time. She knows Instagram is my main social media, I have a pretty big page.

Not only that, but at the same time she posts a nice pic of her naked legs, something she has never, ever done before (there is one selfie on her entire page).

 

So here you go guys. That's pretty much live and I will keep updating this thread if more stuff comes. Gives you a pretty good idea of what breadcrumbs can be like and how soon they can happen, even when you thought there was no chance in hell you would hear from that person in the next few months. Today it's barely been three weeks.

Didn't go into details about the breakup and all that but trust me when I say breadcrumbs in that context weren't expected at all.

 

By no means anywhere in your post you are implying how much you love her at all. So if am misguided, It is bcs of your post and not my own judgment! IMO, someone who loves the other one doesn't call their way of communication PATHETIC! but you did. You don't find the person you love's desperate moves FUNNY bcs they don't know how else to reach out to you if they are even trying to reach out! You can bring all the excuses in the world as far as why NO CONTACT will not work but again IMO, I believe you are feeding off her accordingly breadcrumbs. I think if you really love her as you say, instead of looking for signs and breadcrumbs, be honest and transparent. Instead of posting videos and checking every minute to see how many views are there, Break your NON existence NO contact and reach out to her. A relationship is not a game of playing with each other's mind and emotions. It is self torture. Tell her what you want/need to accomplish in a relationship and listen to her needs/wants and if both parties are willing, bring it on instead of beating the dead horse behind the bushes and back and forth assumptions and reading minds and speculations... Just my two cents. It is your life. Too much time consuming and too much of good energy wasting chasing bad energy.

[purpldreams]

I was completely honest and transparent with her, she absolutely knew she could come back and that's why she did.

 

When I said the discussion was pathetic, I meant that it was disappointing in the sense that she had a lot of time to think about what to say but ended up not saying much and I felt terrible. It was pathetic for the both of us. Gosh you are reading so much negativity into all this, it's insane. Plus you can love a person, and still think they suck when it comes to communication. Communication is one of the main issues in many couples, doesn't mean those couples aren't in love.

 

The video followed our breakup by less than 24 hours and was a conclusion with some key points, like the fact that she could reach out if she ever changed her mind, something I forgot to mention the day before due to all the emotions. I left it online because I knew she might need to watch it again some day. That's it. It was very heartfelt and kind, nothing negative in it, just pouring my heart out one last time before going NC.

She knew I would be here for her. There is no lie or mind games. The only 'game' I played was to wait for the right message instead of answering after the first one. That's how you properly break NC.

 

You need to start taking things less seriously/negatively, especially when they don't concern you whatsoever. You turned a simple 'journal' of breadcrumbs into me having to defend my feelings for the girl I love. Again, f*cking crazy.