Dealing with negative feelings and people who are fake/users

[Azure13]

I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of opportunists in my life lately. Not all of them, but some. I constantly feel like I am being used/or at least trying to be used by people in my life. For example, I was friendish with a bunch of people whom my ex boyfriend was good friends with. Of course after the ex and I broke up, I basically ended up gradually stopping talking to these people. Now that they find out that I have an internship at a place they think is "cool" they are talking to me and asking me to get them an internship. In addition, other people in my class have been asking to get them an internship where I am currently interning. Two of these people are friends whom I don't mind helping out because I don't feel they are trying to simply get something out of me. I'm doing it because I want to help them. Others are just people who pounce on the opportunity. Its frustrating and hurts me because I see people who don't normally bother to give me the time of day, suddenly speaking with me simply so that they can gain something from me. I mean I also want to intern there again next semester, and now these people are all asking me to get them internships/applying for one there and possibly taking away an internship that I want, and I am the one who has been interning there before they even knew about it, I'm the one who looked into it and went to 10-20 job interviews last semester while they were goofing off. I tihnk they should look into their own things and stop trying to bite off of mine, which I've worked to get. I should've just kept my mouth shut about the whole thing but I told one friend of mine about the internship and suddenly the whole world knows.

 

Ok that is just one example, I feel like every guy I meet lately that holds a remote interest in me only has it because they just want to use me.. I'm getting to feel like I will never meet a true person that i can trust enough to want to marry and have them truly love me. I don't know, I just feel like some people are constantly trying to simply use me maybe because I seem like a pushover to them, but I really don't think I am one.. its frustrating and angers me a lot of times. I used to be a very idealistic/optimistic person but overtime my expereinces with people are making me feel very bitter, untrusting, and angry.. my family says I am way too negative. What's the best way to deal with people like this and try and turn it into a positive experience?

[jabean]

Well, you turn it into a positive experience by looking at life positively. Okay, I realize that isn't very helpful.

 

Take it a step at a time. You feel used by people. Turn your attention away from them. You don't need to be friends with anyone (even co-workers). You just send them positive energy and walk out of the situation. Separate yourself from situations that make you focus on the negative as much as possible.

 

Then work on your outlook. With every situation/problem we have an opportunity to choose the way in which we will react to it: positively or negatively. If you have a natural tendency to react negatively, it will take time, practice, and conscious effort to react in a different way. There is a ton of great literature out there on how to change your perspective and gain a positive outlook. Spend an afternoon at the book store, something will catch your eye.

[Celadon]

Yep, I know what you mean. I struggle with this myself. Things that've worked for me: giving myself permission not to deal with certain people; doing things that I like and that rev my energy back up; venting to close friends- lol!; NOT feeling obliged to help users; and basically letting go.

 

Try to not think about other people and their bad behavior. Your time is worth more than that, right? Also, we need to accept the truth that there are people out there who ARE trying to use us. And ya know what -- that's THEIR problem. You keep on being firm. Don't budge. Don't give away what you don't want to - whether it's help with the internship, or time or attention. Good luck. I'm rooting for you.

[savannahohsavannah]

If you are feeling sceptical about some of the people in your life stay away from them for a while. That way you can live your life without negative vibes. And then when you are feeling clearer in your OWN life and purpose, see about adding any of these people back into the inner circle. I think what may be happening, if I may get the liberty from you to guess, is that you feel that people took sides in the breakup, his side. And that probably rankled a bit. Although if you look at it, these people who were friends may have no idea you see it this way. They may be people he has known longer or better than you, which could mean they would truly want to stay out of it. Stay chilly with these people for a while but don't freeze!!!

[woodhead]

When I was in school, a young man from your country has been our teacher for a semester. That is more than fifteen years ago when we seldom saw American and we are all very curious to United States, so very normal, we asked him: what do American people look like.

 

The young man answered without any hesitate: well, just like you. Later he explained that there are different people in united states just as it do in China and in every parts of the world, good people, bad people, tall people, short people… even in a small group, you find this truth is working.

 

I am in China, the other side of the world, but I faced the same problem in my work in my life, and I know everyone else met similar problems.

 

You are not the only one, so don't upset to this, we are living in a forest, there is no standard answer for our life. Just use your brain, discover the problem, understand and solve and enjoy it. And above all don't think of running away from it