Letters, Letters, Letters (more letters?!)

[justaperson569]

I've been posting a lot about letters recently, and even though I'd like to send my ex (we were together 2.75 years and we've been broken up 3 months), I've decided, for now, to go against it because I'm not sure where she is in her healing process and I don't know where I am either.

 

In the course of those posts though, I was asked by a few people to post the letter I gave to her right after the breakup (a few days). After I sent this letter, I did reach out to her about a week or two later (because we were going to be at the same place, unexpectedly and I wanted to give her a heads up, she left and I got to hangout with my friends).

 

Anyway it's been over 60 days ZC and I'm not keeping track after this point. I made it to my goal and now I know I can do anything. She wasn't my life, but a part of my life. Re-reading this letter I think it was well-written and maybe she didn't appreciate it then, and maybe she never will. But I needed it for my closure. She was the dumper and I was the dumpee.

 

"________,

 

I accept that our romantic relationship is over. I’m not focusing on being sad that it is over, but rather happy that it happened.Getting closure, from either of us is an illusion, and can only be given by ourselves. I accept that staying friends while healing is not possible at this time. Right now I need time and space from you temporarily (30 days) in order to heal. I need this time to understand where my hurt came from and to fix it without being distracted. I need you to respect this, and temporarily refrain from contacting me after we take care of the few things we need to resolve.

 

Our breakup had valid reasons, and I realize that reconciliation is pointless right now because of the hurt, and talking about it to each other will only cause more pain. I know that our real happiness can be found within us, and doesn’t depend on another person. There is a part of a quote that struck me as quite profound and I wanted to share it with you, “For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.” I think for too long we were growing too close together and getting our roots tangled up in each other and not allowing one another in the sun, because it was just too good but we were scared, because we fell in love. Our pillars slowly bent towards each other, became too close, less sturdy, and when the earth beneath us quaked, and the wind blew on our foundation, we crumbled slowly, and painfully--not realizing why. We forgot that we were human, and instead we were a couple and couldn’t find the balance, couldn’t find the language to really understand one another, and that is okay, we will be okay. We can’t forget, that we are only human.

 

Thank you for respecting my needs and writing me a letter so I could truly understand what you were saying. I know the exact reasons why we broke up, and this knowledge helps tremendously. I know I will completely forgive what you’ve done. I know that I will completely forgive myself as well. I do not blame you, or me. We are both good people who deserve kindness and love, especially from ourselves. We both deserve the best, and we lost focus along the way. We both gave so much of ourselves to one another, that we didn’t have our true selves left at the end, and I realize that our problem cannot be our solution. Our personal essential needs are non-negotiable, and this time apart will allow us to truly heal and to assert and remember those needs. We must learn to love ourselves, and to build up our self-esteem. I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart, you really taught me so much. I will always cherish our relationship for what it was.

 

We have just a few things we need to take care of and during this time we should have as little contact as necessary, then move into not contacting each other at all. I trust that you will pick up your belongings, because you are a competent and capable woman. I sent the certified letter to legally cover the both of us. I sent it to your work, because I do not remember your home address. I am writing here to find an agreement with the animals. Are you wanting me to buy half of the animals we purchased together? They are the only animals we purchased. I am unsure, and I don’t want to assume what you are needing. I don’t believe it is in their best interest to be ever separated, and I would like to keep them both. I believe we paid $____, and I would pay your half ($______) if that is agreeable to you. I am not looking to “win” I am looking out for what is best for them, not for us, and I believe they all (names deleted) need each other, and it is unfair to separate any of them, and cause undue hardship. I take care of them everyday, and they are a huge part of my family.

 

I want to come to an agreement on this matter, I do not want to go to court for $_____, it simply isn’t worth it. Please text me your answer or send me an invoice to my paypal account.

 

The force of nature is too much to stand up to, we cannot try to force ourselves up the current that is the stream of life, for we are not salmon, but slammin’ into rocks. We became exhausted, and naked, except the socks (at the end of the bed). We tried to live, but we ended up dead. Death is a part of life, the paradox is that there is no death, only transformation. I did not leave your present to you, because I don’t think I am in the right state of mind to give it with the intent that it was meant to be received, and I don’t think (right now) you will receive it in the state it was meant to be gifted. The confusions will only hurt each other. Right now there are forces beyond us making us to deal with our problems, I know our relationship was part of that, but once it stops distracting us, we can focus on our real individual problems, to become better people. You have so many good qualities about you, and so do I and I feel that we will only be stronger because of this, and as I have reiterated throughout this entire letter, I am not focusing on the sadness and the hurt that it is over, yes I will grieve, because you were a big part of my life, but I am focusing on being entirely and fully grateful that it happened.

 

Right now in the cosmos there is a lot going on, and the more I’m actually studying astrology, the more I am actually believing in it. If the moon can cause the tides to change, and we are made of mostly water, than how can the larger celestial beings in the sky, not have an affect on us? Anyway, your present had to deal with learning about something called, “Black Moon Lilith” which I had never heard before, but once I read about it, it broke my head open. It humbled me to forces beyond myself. You can read more about it, but I’d like to share a specific part with you, that may resonate with you,

 

“The Black Moon point is where we are lured into our more self-centered illusions for the purpose of purging negative desires, thereby leading us to the deeper truth within our hearts, the longings and yearnings of our souls. She insists that we feel through, let go, and surrender to something essential and transparent in us that is primary - the bedrock beneath the shifting sands, the passion of the soul.”

 

As I go into the Earth, she pierces my heart. As I penetrate further, she unveils me. When I have reached her center, I am weeping openly. I have known her all my life, yet she reveals stories to me, and these stories are revelations, and I am transformed. Each time I go to her I am born like this. Her renewal washes over me endlessly, her wounds caress me; I become aware of all that has come between us, of the noise between us, the blindness, of something sleeping between us. Now my body reaches out to her.

 

Sometimes life will take away, what I hold so dear. It's humbling and scary, but can be necessary, in order for me to hear.

 

Namaste, Aloha, So much Love

 

______"

[Clinton]

Well you sent it and hopefully learned to never do.it again

[justaperson569]

Well you sent it and hopefully learned to never do.it again

 

No, that's not what I learned from sending this at all, Clinton. It was a major part of my healing and saying what I needed to say. With the 3 months of perspective I've got from this it's helped tremendously in my healing process and everyone has their different process it was right for me and wrong for you. I sent this right after we broke up and I haven't sent one since--even though I've been wanting to. To each their own.

[Clinton]

Well as long as it did you some good, then it's a positive.