I can't get my ex out of my mind, what do I do?

[captaincompost]

Hi, everyone I am new to this site and this is my first thread

 

Myself and my ex broke up after a 4 month relationship about 8 weeks ago now, but nothing has got easier and I'm still feeling depressed.

 

We used to work together and have known each other for little over a year now. I was always very attracted to her but had no idea that she felt the same about me until we eventually hooked up when we met at a club. I walked her home and we had a bit of a kiss and then I went home. We were speaking non stop at work and after work hours, I have never spoken to any girl so intensely and I loved it. Around 4 weeks of talking, I lost my job but we continued talking. Coincidentally, she also lost her job a few days later.

 

As we were both unemployed, we talked constantly all day, every day and after about a month of talking we officially entered a relationship. The next month went by and we were together almost every single day and even when we weren't we would message each other constantly. She got a job at the tail end of January (about 4 weeks after losing her job), however, I was still out of work.

 

In my mind, things were going brilliantly, and I was interviewing for jobs and doing bits and bobs to generate money. One night in late February, I had done 2 days work with my Uncle and had some money, as I had been unemployed I didn't have the chance to take her out very often so I thought that after I had paid certain things, I would use £40 and go out just the two of us. I decided to take her to the local pub as my mum runs it and we get cheap drinks so the £40 would go further, however she said she didn't want to go but eventually turned up and met me.

 

I bought us both drinks all night and thought we were having a good time. At the end of the night I was extremely drunk and said some unsavory things to her, only as a joke but it was out of order. The next morning when she told me what I said I laughed and apologized half halfheartedly. She got angry and went home. About an hour later she text me and said she didn't want to be with me. Obviously I was completely devastated.

 

The next weekend, we had both been invited to a party, but as we had broken up i was tentative. She had convinced me to go and said she wouldn't make the evening awkward. I went and avoided her for the majority of the evening. Towards the end of the night we talked and I ended up going back to her house and we had sex. The next morning, she had work so left early without saying goodbye. I was very confused and text her to ask if we was okay and she said she was confused too and needed space.

 

We didn't talk for about a week after, until she phoned me one night and invited me for lunch the next day. We met up and I gave her a gift and bought her lunch as an apology. I said to her that I know she was confused so I would leave the ball in her court if she wanted to get back together. A few days went by and i hadn't heard from her so i messaged her. Long story short she said she wasn't sure if us being together was a good idea and to give it some time.

 

Admittedly, I started messaging her a lot since then in a desperate try to patch things over, but the more i was doing it the less interested she became. We were still being friendly with each other and every now and then she would message me first or turn up unexpectedly outside my house with her friend to say hi. She knew exactly how i felt and i believed that her doing these things and then going cold was unfair on me. I asked if we could go to dinner and talk things over and she again declined.

 

One night, the day before her birthday, I told her that i had bought her a gift some time back and wanted to give it to her, she agreed and i said i would drop it off the next morning as well as pick up some clothes i had there. When i turned up, she answered the door with another man (i knew who this guy was and she had previously told me they were friends). I was distraught and left extremely angry. I feel that even if they are only friends, it's extremely disrespectful to do something like that as she knew i was coming and knew exactly how i'd feel about it.

 

When i got home i sent some very abusive text messages to her and as soon as i sent them i instantly regretted it. She then blocked me on all social media and deleted my number. She also sent the messages i sent her to her mum and got this guy to phone me and threaten me. I deleted her from everything and was adamant that i needed to move on.

 

About a week later i spied on her twitter account and saw that her and her friend were indirectly talking about me and her friend was saying very personal things about me that only my ex knew. This destroyed me and further implemented my desire to remove her from my life.

 

It's been about 3-4 weeks since we last spoke, but I am still not feeling any differently. Even though we have not been together for over 2 months now and we were only together for 4 months, I am completely in love with this girl and can't get her out of my head. Recently I have found myself looking at her social media pages and it has also affected my work and social life.

 

i have had relationships that have lasted longer, but this girl was different. In the past i have been accused of being too emotional or too involved, so with this relationship i tried to play it cool and not seem too interested. There are several things i could have done differently and although she has treated me badly recently and all my friends and family hate her, i can't help but love her and want her back.

 

I really don't know what to do as all advice from friends and family is biased in my favor, but honestly, i just want her back as i know things would be different and i don't want to give her up so easily.

 

What do you guys think about the situation and what should i do?

 

(sorry for the long post, i have just got a lot on my mind

[DoF]

Lack of mind diversion is preventing you from healing. You are sabotaging yourself.

 

Remember, we cannot control the thoughts that come to our mind, but we CAN control what we do with them. From this point on, when the thoughts of her come to your mind....throw them in the garbage. DO NOT allow them to sustain, or even worse flourish. Think of something peaceful you enjoy, do something physical, listen to music, figure out ways to divert your mind.

 

Practice practice practice

 

In time, you will find this one of the best tools/abilities humans possess and use it in many different aspects of life.

 

Also, you need to cut off contact all together. Block/ignore and stay away from social media. Accept that it's over for good and there is no going back....FOREVER.

 

Good luck

[Wiseman2]

You may want to remain no contact, as pestering her may backfire. Try not to torture yourself creeping her social media. The relationship sounds a bit volatile. Let the dust settle for a while then try setting up a nice date and don't drink or try to get into bed.

[captaincompost]

thank you for the reply yes there has been no contact for almost a month now, as i realized that pestering her was doing more harm than good and i made myself look desperate and pathetic. she is on vacation at the minute, when she returns it will be about 5 weeks since we last spoke. Think i should suggest it then?

[Shane Falco]

If you are looking at social media, you're not in No Contact. No Contact means no talking, no texting, no social media snooping, nothing. So that's a big reason why it's not working, because you aren't even doing it.

 

Stay No Contact and continue to move forward. A month is just a drop in the bucket, it's going to take longer. And you need to be active, not just sitting around moping. Hang out with friends, make new friends, start a new project or find a new hobby, work out at the gym, go on a trip, etc. Recovery is an active process.

 

Whatever you do though, DO NOT CONTACT HER.