Strangest feeling...real or shock...need opinions

[JMJ]

Hey all,

 

Fairly new here, but everyone has been so much help. My situation was in another thread, two year relationship, many red flags, I didn't handle a lot of it like I should have, and she dumped me. We were engaged, but it was basically an ultimatum on her part. I had chances to move her and her kids in with me, propose normally, etc but didn't, and now that she is gone I'm distraught.

 

I did the usual begging, pleading, etc and tried no contact several times. This has been going on since November. I would email her until she got angry, then I would stop. However, if she thought I may be dating, etc she would make comments.

 

Anyway, today she admitted to having someone new. It is long distance, and she said he flies in to see her. She said he is everything I wasn't, as far as willing to accept and raise her two kids, deal with the two terrible dads, and even said when she tells him all the time how she gets hit on and flirted with, they get a laugh out of it. I used to get upset basically because I didn't want to know - shut the idiot down, then don't tell me about it.

 

Here is the strange thing - I feel RELIEVED!!! Why is that??? Yes I just cried a bit when I got home, but overall I feel a sense of relief, even though some guy now has, and is having sex with, who I thought would be my wife, warts and all.

 

Is this normal?? Am I just in shock?? I am so hoping it is real and I can move on. I congratulated her, wished her well, and said I was happy for her. She then got somewhat angry as I guess she was expecting me to grovel and I did the exact opposite. I do still love her though

[Wiseman2]

Because he took her off your hands?

I feel RELIEVED!!! Why is that???

[jennylove]

Ok 2 baby daddy's and kids? Been there and done that!! Don't look back, keep going! It's too much. You would not have been happy in the long run.

[JMJ]

Ok 2 baby daddy's and kids? Been there and done that!! Don't look back, keep going! It's too much. You would not have been happy in the long run.

 

Yes that is the stuff I need to remember and why it would not have worked, even though I loved her and the physical was amazing. There are the two baby daddies who were not involved yet cause her nothing but stress over money, etc. The kids are young as well, 3 and 8, so we never had alone time. I get along great with my ex wife, have a very easy child, 50/50 custody and zero stress. I have a good job and two houses, one of which is a lake house, along with a boat and three jet skis. What I'm saying is I have a nice, stress free loving life to offer someone. Everyone thougt I was nuts taking all of that on, in addition to her other issues, such as really enjoying attention from other guys. But knowing I still love her, it's just not like me, knowing the disaster I have been for months, feeling relieved she now has someone else.

[sky09]

Yes that is the stuff I need to remember and why it would not have worked, even though I loved her and the physical was amazing. There are the two baby daddies who were not involved yet cause her nothing but stress over money, etc. The kids are young as well, 3 and 8, so we never had alone time. I get along great with my ex wife, have a very easy child, 50/50 custody and zero stress. I have a good job and two houses, one of which is a lake house, along with a boat and three jet skis. What I'm saying is I have a nice, stress free loving life to offer someone. Everyone thougt I was nuts taking all of that on, in addition to her other issues, such as really enjoying attention from other guys. But knowing I still love her, it's just not like me, knowing the disaster I have been for months, feeling relieved she now has someone else.

 

Awesome! You get to keep both of your houses, instead of one and 3 jetskis instead of 1.5! Next time she talks to you, be as thankful as you can be that she is somebody else's problem now.

[JMJ]

This has all been a great help, and even though I have some relief, I'm now hoing through the idolizing, pedestal, etc stage thinking she was the best I will ever be able to do. Hopefully time handles that, but man I miss the good times

[JMJ]

Does it ever get easier?? Everything friends, family, and people here rings true, but it's getting more difficult. The relationship was toxic, but I'm now blaming myself for everything. Why didn't I accept the dads of her two kids are the worst, and just have empathy for her difficult situation? I no longer have relief that she is seeing someone, but the opposite - breaking down bawling. I'm seeing a counselor and yesterday narrowed it down to addiction - sexual, and that seems embarrasing It's not so much that I'll no longer be doing all of those crazy things with her (prob tmi), but that someone else is. I keep picturing it - how do you make that go away??

[Wiseman2]

Hmm...What the counselor said is kind of interesting. That you may miss 'all that' more so than her per se.

I'm seeing a counselor and yesterday narrowed it down to addiction - sexual, and that seems embarrasing It's not so much that I'll no longer be doing all of those crazy things with her (prob tmi), but that someone else is.