Rebound- Yay or Nay?

[hrtbrokengirl]

Hello all!

 

So it's been a little over a month since my girlfriend and I broke up, and it's been just over two weeks since I initiated NC. I initiated NC after she didn't respond to a text of mine; it wasn't a text that I needed a reply to, but that's beside the point. She broke up with me after around three months of dating because she didn't think the relationship was going anywhere, basically.

 

I've made significant strides in my healing since we broke up. The first week or so, I couldn't eat or sleep. I lost around 7 pounds in a week and a half, and my sleeping habits are still messed up; however, I feel more like myself now. I don't have a strong urge to contact her, but I must admit I still miss her from time to time.

 

Anyway, back to the point of this thread- has anyone found themselves in a rebound relationship/situation this soon post-breakup? I'm talking (flirting) with someone I've known for about a year who I could definitely see myself with. I know she's not ready to rush into a full-blown relationship and neither am I. Nonetheless I think she and I could have a good time together.

 

Can anyone either advocate for/advise against rebounding? I'm not trying to fall completely in love with this girl yet, but I think we'd both be down for some fun. She talks to me like she'd be okay with a friends with benefits situation. Just wanted to see what everyone else was thinking about this idea!

 

Thanks!

 

- hrtbrokengirl (even though my heart doesn't feel half as broken anymore )

[ThatwasThen]

After only three months of dating one would think that you'd be able to go about a casual sexual relationship without it being called a rebound. It is just you getting on with your life.

 

I'll caution you to make sure that you know what you're doing though. Being this upset over a three month involvement means, IMO, that you get attached way too quickly to someone you barely know. I suspect that you will end up sexually bonding to the new sex partner and get yourself torn asunder yet again when/if they don't reciprocate your feelings.

 

It takes rules to be in a casual sexual relationship that must be in place so that you don't form an attachment. That means no cuddling, no doing date like activities together, no sleeping over, not getting too personal in your conversations with one another and not being at one or the other's beck and call.

 

Can you do that?

[hrtbrokengirl]

After only three months of dating one would think that you'd be able to go about a casual sexual relationship without it being called a rebound. It is just you getting on with your life.

 

I'll caution you to make sure that you know what you're doing though. Being this upset over a three month involvement means, IMO, that you get attached way too quickly to someone you barely know. I suspect that you will end up sexually bonding to the new sex partner and get yourself torn asunder yet again when/if they don't reciprocate your feelings.

 

It takes rules to be in a casual sexual relationship that must be in place so that you don't form an attachment. That means no cuddling, no doing date like activities together, no sleeping over, not getting too personal in your conversations with one another and not being at one or the other's beck and call.

 

Can you do that?

 

You're spot on about the attachment stuff. That's one thing I know for a fact I need to work on. I'd like to think I could do the no strings attached thing if I made a conscious effort, but who knows? I don't have the utmost confidence in my ability to do that! Sex is fun and all that, but I also see it as a way of connecting with someone on a deeper level.

So I suppose my answer for now is no, I can't have casual sex... I'm not going to act on any feelings until I have my emotions in check!

[ThatwasThen]

You're spot on about the attachment stuff. That's one thing I know for a fact I need to work on. I'd like to think I could do the no strings attached thing if I made a conscious effort, but who knows? I don't have the utmost confidence in my ability to do that! Sex is fun and all that, but I also see it as a way of connecting with someone on a deeper level.

So I suppose my answer for now is no, I can't have casual sex... I'm not going to act on any feelings until I have my emotions in check!

Good plan.

[Waraqqa]

You're spot on about the attachment stuff. That's one thing I know for a fact I need to work on. I'd like to think I could do the no strings attached thing if I made a conscious effort, but who knows?

 

I find this statement a bit strange, like you are aiming to twist yourself into something else - needlessly! You say that you can't have just casual sex and it's something TO WORK ON? Why? what for? How about taking it the other way round, and instead working on coping with sexual urges (until and unless a new love develops)? That would be far less dangerous to your psyche and system and kinder to yourself.

 

I think most of us would like to have both - deep attachment/love with sex together in one package. But if at some point in life you cannot have them both for any reason, why focus on sex of the two, especially if you have to force yourself and risk emotional damage? I think it may be better to gradually open yourself up to people socially instead, and when a suitable moment/person presents themselves, then add sex to the already growing feelings. That's a possibility

[ThatwasThen]

I think she answered all of that ^^^ when she said this I suppose my answer for now is no, I can't have casual sex...