I broke No Contact, I`m so stupid

[Fif Angel]

Ok well I broke no contact today, after splitting two weeks ago. I didn`t phone him or anything, just sent a txt message about my university dilemma as I really really needed advice . It was a very un-personal message, just said I could use an opinion, didn`t say I missed him or anything like that.

 

The minute I sent it I regretted it. Weirdly, though he texted me back with some advice, in the same non-personal tone I sent.

 

I have no idea what this means now...I know I shoudn`t have texted him, I didn`t think he`d reply but it gave me an odd thrill when he did, like a guilty pleasure.

 

I`m so stupid I know but even now I`m wondering if he`ll text again, what he`s thinking etc..

[Doctor Smurf]

Well, If it really wasn't personal at all then I shouldn't worry about it too much. I think the thing to do is to see if he txts you again, I doubt he will.

As for the thrill - We all get it, or at least I have!

Dan

[annie24]

I've been in that situation before... with a breakup, and then I've written an e-mail to ask for career advice, and the ex writes back right away in the same business-like tone. But, try not to overthink it. You sent a "professional" e-mail, and he sent you one back. I guess it just means that he doesn't wish you ill. But, don't read into it, you'll just drive yourself nuts. Good luck!

[MsMe]

I've been in that situation before... with a breakup, and then I've written an e-mail to ask for career advice, and the ex writes back right away in the same business-like tone. But, try not to overthink it. You sent a "professional" e-mail, and he sent you one back. I guess it just means that he doesn't wish you ill. But, don't read into it, you'll just drive yourself nuts. Good luck!

 

I agree. Don't read into it too much. You don't want to make yourself crazy. Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy emotionally.

[Fif Angel]

Ok well things unfortunately veered away from the professional. We got chatting a bit (via text messages), he asked what uni I was applying to and how I was doing, and I asked him how he was doing etc.

 

Then all of a sudden he just stopped texting me out of the blue. I felt kindof weird and sad about that so I sent him a txt saying `its ok you don`t have to answer that question. I hope everything goes ok for you. Take care x`

 

He still didn`t text back and I felt so low and miserable that I sent him a txt saying `I love you`. I also tried to phone but he didn`t answer. Suddenly the whole break up thing really hit me and I just started crying. I realised that everything he saida few weeks ago about `needing some time` and still wanting to get back with me is just a load of bull really and I`ve been kidding myself in thinking that things would be ok again in a few weeks.

 

I felt really hurt that he didn`t want to talk, as he knows that I have to decide about uni by tomorrow. It occurred to me what a selfish *beep* he is, that he only really gives a damn about himself and doesn`t care about what uni I go to or what I study.

 

It upset me that he could be so callous and suddenly decide to ignore me and I think it`s a waste of my time to assume he`s still interested. I bet he has no intention of phoning me in a month like he said he would, but just decided to break up with me the easy way.

 

I`m so hurt and sad now and feel really stupid. Foolish of me to think he still cared.

[annie24]

It's ok - don't beat yourself up over it. It's a learning experience - I've gone through it too... it sucks, but one day, you'll wonder what you ever saw in him. You'll come out as a stronger person. Good luck! We're pulling for you!

[Fif Angel]

Aw thanks Annie, and others. You`ve given me so much advice over the past while.

 

In a way I`m glad I did it, as it`s given me more of a sense of closure,which I think I needed. Have vowed not to contact him again and focus on getting back to normal

[just jeff]

If you come up with a solution to stop contacting someone who you thought was your forever mate...let me know; I had went for two weeks myself until yesterday...she left a message on Yahoo messenger...in weakness I replied.

 

It was a simple question and I answered it; I then said "btw, if you ever see a chance for us in the future...let me know; you have my number."

 

She replies "I will forever regret that our relationship didn't work out..."

 

That confused me...how can one regret it and yet not be willing to see once more if the impossible is possible...

 

Anyway...good luck to you...best wishes; I hope you receive the love you are distended to have.

[Fif Angel]

Hey, jeff, yeah I know it sucks doesn`t it. It`s as if they`re dangling a carrot in front of us and then, just when we go to bite it they pull back.

 

I think yesterday really set me back as I have been missing him so much today and have been so tempted to contact him again, although I haven`t.

 

I have found a good way of coping is to write down a list of all the bad stuff your ex did to you-it tends to stop you romanticising all your memories of them.

 

I did that today and a few choice favourites, although believe me there was quite a list, included:

 

-Ignoring my phone calls

 

-Not planning anything for Valentine`s Day and then breaking up with me that same day

 

-talking about his problems on the phone for ages, then when I went to talk about mine, telling me he was `tired and wanted to sleep`

 

-Never seeing me, phoning

 

- Ignoring my phone calls for over a week

 

-Telling me he was at work and expecting me to wait until he was finished by hanging round the shops in the rain, when he was actually down the pub

 

-Lying to me

 

So that helps Although after a while I tend to go all mushy anf think about his good points or my bad points *sigh*

[just jeff]

I've tried that too...didn't actually work for me. I went thru the anger stage, but it's been a rollercoaster ride....I don't think it will ever end. We have both tried to say goodbye and mean it...then a few days or at most 12 days one of us gives in with a text message...a simple "how are you?" and we're hooked again.

 

But ours is a LDR so there is no meeting in person....she isn't ready yet. And we both have dated....oh well....life goes on and some how so will we.

 

Good luck in your journey.....peace.

[Fif Angel]

Well, am having a really crappy day today actually. Can`t seem to stop thinking about my ex, or looking at websites where he posts. I have even thought of driving round his house just to see the place, see if he`s there. I know it sounds vaguely obsesssive lol.

 

I think talking to him on Sunday really set me back again. I`m not sure, though. if it was on official break of No Contact? I mean we didn`t actually speak on the phone or anything (not that I didn`t try to). just some text messages.

 

I know I`m still in love with him, and no amount of moaning to friends or here or writing a list of things he`s done seems to be changing that any time soon. I know it has only been two weeks though.

 

I really feel today that I want him back so much. Not the guy he became in recent months with stress and depression etc but the guy he was before, who was so sweet and caring and kind.

 

I know he`s been depressed and is going to the doctor( at least I hope so) and I keep hoping that maybe that will change him, and he`ll revert to the old D. I love.

[annie24]

Oh sweetie!!!! Don't worry! It's ok - you need to mourn for a while. I'm sure people have already gone over the list of things to do - go out with girlfriends, go to the gym, go swimming, watch funny movies, do yoga, clean your apartment. After my most recent breakup, going to the gym, doing cardio, I don't know - it just made me feel better. I felt like I was working away my frustrations on the machines.

 

By the way, which uni program did you wind up choosing?

 

But yeah, I don't need to tell you this... don't drive by his house, or check the website, it will just set you back. Also, what's the point? Maybe he's home, maybe he's not.

 

I know what you mean - he used to be so nice, but then he changed. I can't explain it. I guess some people just change. For my most recent ex, that was really what made me angry - I KNOW that he can be a very sweet, caring guy, and towards the end of our relationship, he wasn't acting that way at all. It's kinda funny - I was crying about this to one of my male friends, he said, "Oh, most guys are jerks. We just pretend to be nice to impress girls."

 

Ok - take care of yourself, alright?

-Annie

[Fif Angel]

Hey, ho again,

Yes I suppose it`s true that I need to mourn. Part of the problem, I guess, was that I haven`t really mourned properly yet as I have somehow been telling myself that he`ll phone me up and everything will be fine.

 

Have actually been more depressed today. Not just about my boyfriend but about life in general-being incredibly poor and needing a job to save up for uni. Also have been panicking about uni, worrying that I`ll be a few years older than everyone else, wishing I had picked the right course first time around and so I wouldn`t have had to drop out and start again.

 

Decision has been postponed for a while btw. I contacted the department and they said I could wait until after the Open Day, which is a good thing

 

Plus have been dreaming about D. again which isn`t good.

 

Funny how everything seems to happen at once..

[annie24]

It's ok - you're only "behind" a few years. It's not like it's been 10 years or anything. You'll be fine. So, yeah, you're broke, but that's just the life of a student.... once you're done, I gaurantee, you will have a fabulous job, a fabulous waredrobe, and a strapping Italian man named Vittorio who will be at your beckon call, hot mama! You'll forget what's-his-name even existed.

[jabean]

Fifi,

Geez after reading you list, I think we were dating the same guy. You know I never really thought about it before. But yeah, a lot of times I'd call and he wouldn't answer then not call back for a couple of days, and I'd call again. He knew I hated this and still did it too.

 

I'm just so tired of being angry and sad. I really want to get over this, I do; but I get those little delusions too. Like, well, maybe if he just saw me he would change his mind. He haven't seen each other in over three weeks, and broke up over the phone after two. I guess there's a part of me that just can't believe that he would do that, that he doesn't care. But he doesn't. Sorry for venting here. I'm having a horrible day with all this, and I don't know how to get myself out of it.

[Fif Angel]

hey jabean- funny how so many relationships tend to go the same way isn`t it?

 

Don`t feel bad about venting- personally I find it highly therapeutic(sp?)

 

 

I guess there are good days and bad days.

 

I very nearly had a great night out last night until I bumped into his boss *sigh* the one who was always telling him to do more work, which is why I never saw him.

 

I wrote a full synposis about it in the thread you started lol so if u want the full story..

 

Hang in there gal