Saw her briefly this morning

[adviceplease2]

Pregnant ex girlfriend....woman I fell for so completely....woman that made me believe she had done the same towards me....that dumped me after new years....that for some reason still has her favorite picture of us up on her facebook page....(don't even ask why I know that, I guess given that she has my baby growing inside her and suddenly wanted nothing to do with me has me crushed).

 

My kids gave me a rough morning, my nerves were on edge....saw her dropping her girl off while I was dropping my kids off. First time I've seen her in a month. People at the school have been talking, and I hate it. I honestly have no idea what happened for her to be so distant/hateful with me.

 

I do my best, I've withdrawn myself, started working on renovation projects, started working out, have full custody of my kids.....fell in love with my ex girlfriend, everything was great, we'd taken trips just the two of us....was really the type relationship I'd dreamed for myself and my kids. She found out she was pregnant, broke up, came back within two weeks. I had to file for supervised visitation around this time, so my weekends changed....exgirlfriend was sleeping alot, which I expected.

 

Ultrasound last month was last time I saw her. Stayed for her entire doctor visit, we talked a little, nothing serious. She called on my birthday a few days after that, which I honestly didn't expect. I did give one attempt at the end of January, where I apologized for anything I could specifically think of....to which she replied she was still fine taking a step back from me right now.

 

When things were good, I'd timed out when I was going to ask her to marry me, would have done it this summer. But things went south so suddenly, and while I try to handle myself the best I can...because I really don't know how to deal with this...I get so mad at myself for feeling like I was played/trapped, that everything she told me was a lie, it feels like it was all to get what she wanted, which is what she has now. I'm so crushed. Then I see her, like this morning, and the walls break that I've built to handle my emotions.

 

While I've had the thoughts, the hope that things would change for the better when the baby arrives....I've slowly convinced myself that 1. she isn't coming back to me...2. if she did, is it something I really want to happen....3. I will be there for the baby....4. I will never date again, never let another woman into my heart...5. I will make sure my kids know their new sister.

 

I think what hurts the most....well...all of it together. I had a relationship I'd dreamed of, was using what I'd learned from my previous failings, everything was going great, thought I'd really found a future to build toward....then it all fell in and crushed me. I left myself too open. I've given her what she wants, I don't bother her, she doesn't want me around. But God help me what I wouldn't give to have her near me, letting me talk to the baby, letting me feel her kick, letting me take care of her.

[Clinton]

It's a rough place to be in. I hope you're getting counselling for this.

 

All you can do is stay strong for your kids and be a part of your babies life when she's born.

 

But you have to find some way of letting go the idea you'll reconcile because it's holding you back.

 

After my divorce I had joint custody of my three kids with my ex. It hurt to interact for a while but it did pass. It was challenging sure, but you'll get through it.

 

And you will date again and find someone new. Just not for a bit.

 

Hang in there.

[adviceplease2]

Thanks Clinton....I'm trying. I have a majority of good days where I can handle it, every now and then a bad day will pop up....like today.

 

And she text, about a checkup doc appointment, telling me stuff about some tests, heartbeat was good...more tests in 2 weeks, so when she gets those results she'll let me know. So I know I'll hear from her in about 3 weeks. At least she's keeping me updated on the baby.