summercool Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 I have been dating this guy for some time now and he is great! The only issues we have are over the mother of his child. I can not even begin to explain how filled of hate and drama she is. She is constantly messaging him things that have nothing to do with their daughter and things to just upset him. To make a long story short this is the latest example... My boyfriends stepfather had a stroke and was placed on life support. This is his weekend to have the little girl, (she is 2). They plan on taking his step dad off life support tomorrow and my bf obviously wants to be there. He messaged "baby momma" and asked if she could get their child early and explained why... her response was awful!!! "Well he was a sweet man but you're mother is a and deserves to lose her husband, I hope he dies, less air breathed when he is gone." That's the short version. She is constantly calling me a and that I'm fat.... I don't care about that, I can hold my tongue. However it is stressful and stresses him which affects me too. The question is, is there a way he could not have to deal with her when they meet to drop off their daughter... could someone else do it? Does he HAVE to have contact with her??? Could he block her number when it's not his weekend or something equivalent? Link to comment
jennylove Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 I have heard of couples that do not communicate unless there is an emergency with the child and it was granted this way by the court. They each go to parent conferences separately, etc. the school needs to know that if there is any reason to contact a parent, they need to contact both parents (poor grades, emergency, whatever). The teachers also need to know that there will need to be 2 parent/teacher conferences. At any rate, your best bet is to post this and any other issues on the general discussion forum at steptalk.org. I'm not joking when I say that steptalk was my saving grace when I was dating a man with TWO obnoxious "baby mamas" Link to comment
boltnrun Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 HE has to request those things. What does he say about the things she does? Does he say anything to her about it or does he just complain to you? Link to comment
jennylove Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 I should add, that of the couples I've heard/known about who do not communicate unless there is emergency, they also do not ask the other parent to rearrange the visitation schedule because of it not working out with their own schedule. You maje it work out and stick to the schedule as ordered by courts. If the other parent is always severely late with picking up or dropping off, you keep logs. If it's an issue every week, I've heard of police reports being made. Link to comment
summercool Posted March 13, 2016 Author Share Posted March 13, 2016 Thank you Jennylove!! Link to comment
starlight89 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 He should seek advice from a professional like a family counsellor for example. They may be able to give him some good ideas on how to deal with this. She probably has people around her who can take the child if she needs a break. He should too. Like a cousin he trusts that he can say "hey I really have to be somewhere important tomorrow, can you take her for a few hours or the night" but the mother does have to be aware and okay with that in advance. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted March 13, 2016 Share Posted March 13, 2016 It is none of your business unless she speaks disrespectfully to you or the child treat you badly -meaning tries to physically hurt you (she is only 2 after all). You should not be around his child IMO unless you are very serious with your boyfriend and marriage or the equivalent is in the works - kids don't get dating, they get attached -not fair to the 2 year old to get attached to someone who is just dating her father. If he tolerates this kind of behavior from his ex then that says something about his general character/values. Or perhaps he feels guilty about the situation his daughter is in. Either way you have to choose whether it's ok with you and you accept the situation -because if your boyfriend doesn't work to change things then it is his choice, not the mother's. Link to comment
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