So he says....the continuation

[esboogie143]

I have been having a great time with my ex. He has come over to my place..we have cooked together and just enjoyed the time together. Mind you we are not together. Today...he sends me an email saying that im pushing nyself on him and im going to make thisngs worse because I am not being myself and every moment I get im bringing up the relationship. (which he's right). He says that he wanted to start off by "seeing one another" but not doing what I have begun to do. its unintentional...but he's right! I do it all the time. He asked me nicely to stop and let things happen naturally. im scared...i feel as if this "seeing each other" is gonna go bad...I cant deal with it. Im soo confused right now. I love being with him and I want to be with him...but a part of me wants to not rush anything (like him) but another part wants the relationship again right away! Someone please help me understand myself...cuz im hurting.. Thanks.

[vhshowdown]

Think of it as you are dating someone new. Dont remind yourself of how it used to be, etc... How were you when you two started dating, that is what it sounds like to me he is looking for.....

[Luscious]

You have to be careful though b/c its like your dating him but your also being intimate with him with no committment...He says he want to take it slow...so then thats what you have to do, But what is the definition of slow to him?

But I thought you said that you are prepared to take the risk if it doesn't work out so why are you not being relax...I know it may be hard to not bring up the subject about a relationship but you agreed and you don't wanna push him away...but make sure that this is what he wants and he doesn't have any hidden agendas.

[esboogie143]

You are sooo right...I know I have said alot of things but then when the time comes everything jsut goes out the window and thats how I end up getting hurt. Anyhow...ur right...well as for what he is telling me..he wants to take things slow and start out by "seeing one another"...but he is soo unpredictable with his actions...I hope he doesnt come back after a while saying "I dont think this is gonna work" cuz then forget about it...What the hell would I do? I cant believe that im 29 going through this...its so hard!

[RayKay]

If you are supposed to be taking things slow and starting off by "seeing one another" again one big thing you can do is stop sleeping with him! It just confuses things and makes it all more complicated for the both of you.

If you are not in a relationship and he is not committed to you, then don't give him your body either.

 

And, treat this like a new relationship. Meaning, stop asking about where its going, and crying that it is not how it was. STOP bringing up the relationship. Treat it like you would if you were first dating someone and were getting to know them and not sure where it was going to go yet.

 

Hard to do I know (which is why people usually need to take some time apart to evaluate if they are getting back together for right reasons). But while you treat it like "new" you also need to ensure that the problems that broke you up in the first place are resolved and talked about. BUT let HIM bring it up, or wait until you both decide where you want this to go.

[chai714]

It seems like you're tense about the whole situation. A cardinal rule in dealing with your ex - don't bring up the past. It's ok for them to if they wish to talk about it, but it's over. You have either learned from it and will do things differently, or you can dwell on something that happened in the past (which you now have no control of).

 

Bringing up the past as you know, is not productive. When you realize it's not productive, what do you do? Stop, stop stop doing it. IF someone brought up a subject you were uncomfortable discussing, would you want to be around that person?

 

I don't think you're ready to deal with your ex if you're still emotional about the breakup and talking about it. Nothing good will come out of your situation if you continue to do what you're currently doing. Cooking, hanging out -that's all good, but not if you're talking about the breakup or past relationship.

 

Most importantly, in getting back your ex - getting him back has nothing to do with how you feel and everything to do with how you make him feel. So, you can either put your feelings on him, or make him feel comfortable and happy around you. You must remain in control of your emotions, or you will sink yourself.

[esboogie143]

U GUYS ARE GREAT!!! THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT (LIKE ALWAYS)

[ang3l2004]

Very good advice!

[Luscious]

You have to make up in your mind that if everything don't go the way you want it to go you'll be okay no matter what...loving someone and wanting to be with them is hard when they want to take it slow...but just because you love him and he says he love you don't allow him to make a mockery out of you.

What is it that he really wants: to start over from the beginning or to just be intimate, b/c itimacy can confuse alot of things when the heart is involve...and you don't want him to take advantage of you b/c he knows you still love him very much...maybe you need to approach the situation from a different angle, try not showing him how you feel at times and just enjoy the time spent. If you're doing anything you use to do when there was a committment then you know you need to not do it now or tune it down.

Even though you want this relationship tune your expectations down, remember you have already looked at the possible outcomes and you have to be able to handle anything, if he comes back and say he doesn't want this then agree but it doesn't make any sense to run after someone that doesn't want to be caught.

Hey sometimes things in life doesn't work out for a reason, not saying yours won't, but if it doesn't there must be a back up plan...there's someone out there for all of us who wants to committ and treat us like queens and then we turn around and treat them as kings...Hey but I hope things work out for you b/c a broken heart is hard to mend but not IMPOSSIBLE!!!