Girls being interested in me but are not "interested" in me ?

[iffy]

This is weird thing that happens very often. It is something I don't understand at all. I used to think that the girls were always "interested" in me and I somehow screwed it up which means there is something about me I should fix. It usually happens like this: Random girl comes up and chats with me and hangs out for awhile, I didn't know her before, and we usually end up adding each other on facebook or exchanging phone numbers and before she parts from me she hugs me.

 

I recently got in contact with an old friend she was one of the girls I thought she was "interested" in me, the conversation warped into how I thought that at first and she admitted that she was not "interested" in me but for some reason she felt that she had to get to know me. This concept is so very alien to me of someone saying they want to get to know me but aren't even interested in considering me as dateable, I do have girls who I am interested in but not "interested" in my life. But I could probably pinpoint where they failed to get me "interested" in them. Making friends with guys is different it doesn't ever involve something that seems like an interrogation of my personal life. Like how a lot of these chats with these girls start out.

 

The problem I am having with this is that if these girls were never "interested" in me in the first place then I have no clue on what I need to fix, where as before I could probably make up multiple things that I should work on and try to fix on how I converse or contact these women to make sure their "interest" in me doesn't fade.

 

Here is a story of one of my experiences: There was this girl who recognized me in a class we were taking. One day she went "iffy?!" I was all "Uh yea do I know you?" Oh I'm "pretty girl" we took the same class before. Then we hung out after class, she had class 6 hours later and I had no more classes, we talked about random stuff, like our interests, or interesting stuff we did. We ended up going to the library together where she proceeded to show me a bunch of pictures she took when she went on vacation overseas. I tipped her off how I am cheap on spending for textbooks by photographing the pages of the textbook on my cellphone. She gave me her number so I can text her the pages of the textbook. We went to a to a tea shop where she treated me for some tea right before her next class. I walked her to her next class and before she went into her next class she gave me a hug. Perhaps a few days after that I managed to get enough courage to ask her out on a date she said no she wasn't interested in me.

 

This is how things happen usually. It's pretty common. I hate it, and I'm too dumbfounded on what just happened to even realize that I should ask these girls out to go on a date. It really all happens too fast before I even realize "Do I like this girl?" I'm slow at these things, so slow I always feel like I miss opportunities and the girls start saying "Oh I wasn't interested in you in the first place". This has happened through-out my life. Happened in highschool too but lets forget highschool. The age ranges of these girls are 19-28. So I don't believe it's a maturity thing, all different types of girls.

 

As for my looks, I know I'm not attractive. I have attractive male friends and I'm secretly jealous watching how everyone likes their selfie photos on facebook, and how many women line up and hover around them to get a chance to date them once they turn single. Me and these guy friends aren't really too different besides looks, same lame loserish interests. Perhaps at best I'm slightly above average. Very slightly. I was once told I'm a 7/10 at best and a 5/10 at worst. I don't even get any hits on my online dating profiles. The best compliment I got on my looks in real life have been "you're not ugly". I've also been told by my ex gf's friends and family that I'm not handsome and she could do better. She wasn't that great looking either. But my ex gf's reply was "I don't care what you look like" she didn't even bother to reply with a "I think you're attractive". My appearance and this problem has been bugging me for a great deal of my life.. So I kinda been talking to a lot of people about this with no real answer.

[Clinton]

Don't know, don't care. Girls are attracted to confidence, sense of humor, kindness, and someone who is decisive. In any initial interest from someone there's usually a window of opportunity where if you don't act, it closes.

 

Dating is about rejection and failure a lot of times. It's hard for a lot of people. My advice, if you like a girl, chat her up and if she seems interested ask her out. At the end of the date go in for a kiss. You'll know if she's interested or not. It only takes one being interested.

[DoF]

Relationships are 50/50 deal. Seems to me like girls around you are doing 50% and you are not.

 

Remember, when member of opposite sex approaches you.....CHANCES are they like you/are into you. So when they show interest/hang out/talk and you spend time with them.........and then you take DAYS to ask them out, that tells them you are not interested or into them. Heck, lot of people get offended if they don't hear from you for even a day.

 

I can't stress this enough, you need to take steps to show your interest and initiate as much as the other party. Relationship is a 2 way road. You can't have one party doing all the work.

 

As far as your insecurity about your looks. Part of maturity is accepting yourself AND loving yourself for EXACTLY who you are TODAY. If you can't love yourself, how in the world do you think you will ever love someone else? Now, if there is ANYTHING within your control that you CAN improve (outside of plastic surgery of course)....I suggest you do it. If you need to lose weight, work on it! Build muscle? DO IT! Anything within your control should be worked on!

 

So next time girl approaches you, and you find her attractive, take more initiative to contact/reach out and initiate one on one time!!! Show her WITH action you are into her.

[iffy]

Don't know, don't care. Girls are attracted to confidence, sense of humor, kindness, and someone who is decisive. In any initial interest from someone there's usually a window of opportunity where if you don't act, it closes.

 

Dating is about rejection and failure a lot of times. It's hard for a lot of people. My advice, if you like a girl, chat her up and if she seems interested ask her out. At the end of the date go in for a kiss. You'll know if she's interested or not. It only takes one being interested.

 

 

Difficult to tell you if what you said is actually relevant or not, doesn't even sound like you read the post. I posted a bunch of information to preemptively strike back against such replies: My reply to this would be the 4th and 5th paragraphs. Ironically, I gave the same exact advice, you gave to me, to someone else last week. I've had my share of dates, though unsuccessful, I've also had one gf which opened my eyes to the attraction aspect, and what types of moves should be made and when. It's not really as simple or as easy as you, and even I, put it though. Not for me at least.

 

I'm trying to figure out what it means when a girl approaches a guy being super friendly and seemingly expressing interest. Then claiming they weren't interested in the first place. When I approach people I always do it with a reason in mind. But people with no reasons? I don't understand it.

 

Anyways I know you said "Don't know, don't care". I just felt like responding.

Here is my advice to guys who can't seem to get a date

Your goal should be to hang out with a girl one on one(this could be anywhere or anything), chat with them, have fun, try to flirt a little, get into their personal space see if they don't back away, touch their arm see if they're receptive. You want to create a moment with them, the moment feels like it's only you and her in the universe, other people could be around but it feels like they are not there, your entire attention is focused on her, and hers on you, these seconds feel like minutes, it is that moment when you kiss her.

 

So yea, I'm not exactly a stranger to dating itself. I am able to give out decent advice too since I know what works, though I'm not as successful as other people. I turn stupid when pressure is on. I'm also just curious about this one aspect of girls which is common with me.

[Clinton]

Dude, since you seem to have all the answers why are you even on here.

[Man with Dog]

I've seen quite unattractive people with very attractive partners. Most of us are too fat or too thin, with only about 5% people being "just right". The normal reaction is that if someone is unattractive but successful that they "must be good at it". I've always thought it a "numbers" thing. Most girls see me as friend material but there's about 1 in 200 that see me as more. Fortunately, I married one and wonder how I managed it.

[ArtyO]

Sounds to me that you are doing what you can to date. All you can do is work with what you've got.

If you're avergage looking you have to make up with it by education, personality and income. All play their part to varying degrees with different women. Some women are very happy to date below average looking men who are able to offer them finacial security. Other women don't care and want their man to be special and "artistic". What is required is that you have something or do something that sets you apart from the rest of the pack. Hobby, talent, something and capitalize on that. Women will see your passion for that and be attracted to your uniqueness.

[Mari]

I don't know if you know this difference in guys and girls. Girls map guys before they know they like them. Think of it as an extensive life exam in how you talk, what you say, and what you do. For guys initial physical attraction plays a big part. If the girl is attractive they will then go with a purpose to find out more and date them. There isn't that much information they need to conclude that they like them. For the girl, it can take a while.

 

Another thing that seems odd to guys is that a guy will not usually start liking a girl after getting to know them better when they did not like them initially. For girls, because they are mapping, they may say no to a guy initially, only to find out more info which makes them like that guy. Here's how points may break down:

 

Guy likes girl by percentage:

80%: she's hot.

20%: she's not evil.

Guy knows he likes her by looking at her, needs to find out if she's evil.

 

Girl likes guy:

10%: he's hot

10%: he does what he says

10%: he provides emotional support

10%: he's not a womanizer

10%: he makes me feel special

10%: he works hard and can support me

10%: he's a good father

10%: he's funny

10%: he treats me like a priority

10%: he appreciates me

Girl knows some things but now must continue with examination and may not conclude she likes guy before guy admits he likes girl.

 

Now, you're talking about how hot you are, but that's just a small percentage of the score. For some girls that has more weight for others it's less. Depends on the girl. Also, this is swapped in some girls and guys. There are guys that must map before they like a girl.

[Man with Dog]

I'd say many girls (and blokes) look for a lot of other things but it's often a personal preference. For example, my wife is attracted to intelligence and I've heard someone else say the same but, for many, it's a turn-off.

 

I also notice the "je ne sais quoi" factor, where there's something really attractive about someone that you just can't put your finger on. One thing I remember is meeting a girl on a train. At first, I didn't find her attractive but, after we got talking, I felt a bit disappointed when my stop came. No, we didn't exchange numbers, I was married.