Coming to grips with it. ( sorry its long)

[Bridger1]

When do you finally come to grips with the fact you are meant to just be alone. I think I have.. I think I was put on earth to be the guy that is there for everyone, to support and provide for them. Then once they feel better about what ever it is that has them down.. Im left alone, until they need me again. Every woman I have had in my life has used, me, lied and cheated on me. Now i know, a lot of people say that.. but this is actually fact.

 

Woman #1-- My first girlfriend. With her almost three years. Caught her cheating on me more than once.

 

woman #2 -- Actually had a steady BF the entire time we dated. Said he was her " Best Friend" until i found out different

 

woman #3 -- Dated Two years.. Slept with three of my so called " best buddies"

 

Woman #4-- This one I messed up.. she was amazing.. but with being burnt so many times I was just scared all the time she would cheat. We split.. ended up back together. Got engaged.. Set the date. Was house shopping. Was to meet her at a house to look at, she never showed. Spent the day worrying, looking for her ( this was before cell phones).. finally to just go home to a message on my answering machine... She was in the gym in the morning , her heart just stopped. She passed. While I was sitting on the porch scared when she didnt show.. She was dying.. We were both 24 at that time

 

woman #5-- finally got back into the dating game after a year or so.. I watched her kids, cleaned her house, helped her with bills and such.even took her kids to their bday parities ( their own) that she missed, While she worked as a bartender at night at the local sports bar. She had a bottom basement entrance to her house.. While i was upstairs asleep on the couch until 3 am when she got home.. she would come up and wake me to tell me she was home and i would get up and head home to change and get to work by 6am.. she would bring guys home from the bar, have them wait in the basement until i was gone

 

woman #6 -- This one did nothing but use and lie to me. I paid her car payments, prescriptions, countless shopping trips, paid her cell phone, bought her groceries, watched her son. Even when she needed " me " time. As soon as I would leave with her son.. she would have guys over. She would want me to meet her at the mall for a shopping trip. Would leave me wait for hours in the parking lot.. She decided to nap ( no call at all.. cell phones now) or "fell asleep".. and like an idiot I would wait.. for hours. Then go into the mall and spend hundreds on her and her son. We only went shopping, no real dates. Most times when i watched her son.. she was with different guys.. She even took money I gave her bills and spend it on going out with other guys.. then make up stories why she needed the bill money again. She even called me crying that she couldnt afford xmas gifts and her son was gonna be devastated .. so i got up at 11 pm in a snow storm on xmas eve and went out and bought all kinds of gifts for him and her. Called and said i was on the way, she told me to just leave them on the porch.. she didnt want to get up and possible wake her son

 

woman #7 -- this one started out perfect, I even moved two states away to be with her and her daughter. We got married. first year or so was great between her and I. It was rough trying to build a relationship with her 5 yr old daughter. But things changed.. soon i found out the massive debt she brought with her from her previous marriage in the for of credit card debt. Wiped out my entire savings, sold property to save her from bankruptcy. I did all the cooking, paid the bills, the grocery shopping, most of the laundry and dishes.. that kind of stuff " gave her a headache" Soon after I was diagnosed with cancer.. two states away from any friends or family. My wife never went to one doctors appointment with me, she always forgot or was busy with something with her daughter. I went thru it alone. She even went as far as asking if i would consider moving back to my home state until i was through it so her and her daughter didnt have to deal with it. Id have to start my own forum to go thru everything that has happened in that 18 years of marriage. she also cheated on me twice that i know of. Me and my step daughter got close when she was about 16.. we were inseparable then. I helped her with everything in school.. took her to visit colleges she wanted to go to, once she got into college. she had a hard time adjusting and wasnt making friends. She would call crying she was lonely. I would leave work and drive three hours, buy her dinner, a movie, or just to hug her goodnight.. and then drive back three hours to work the next morning. Hell, when she was growing up.. every sunday morning before she would leave with her real dad for two days.. i made her and her mother breakfast in bed.. every sunday with out fail. Then i found out she was lying to me about money she needed for school and things.. using me to get all she could.. i got mad.. called her out on it. She stopped talking to me and shut me out of her life.. i loved her as my very own daughter, and still do.. that was 8 years ago.. still havent heard a word from her.

 

now.. i have talked to a woman online ( from previous posts) that has pretty much has done everything listed above 1 through 7.. been there for her through the hardest part of her life. but throws me away as soon as something else comes along. needs help, support, provided for.. until something else comes along.. then comes back when she needs me again

 

Every single one of these women has told me how much they love me.. that I am the most amazing man they have ever known. When does the hurt stop

 

 

I know I shoulder so much blame for letting it happen.. Why cant i say no, why cant i walk away from people, I will literally do with out, starve if i had too , to help others.. WHY cant i say no.. it just isnt in me.

Is it that im at the point that I will let anyone walk over me to just not be alone?? But at the same time... i want to be alone.. i want no one around me, because i know they will hurt me. Im exhausted... im tired of hurting..

[Theniceone]

Your thinking is wrong and that is why you kept going into these situations. No, you are not meant to be alone but you can be if you wish to be. You were not put on this earth to provide for other, but you have to people that did not deserve it. You want not to be alone so bad, that you were willing to perpetuate this fantasy girlfriend (you never met and seems like it was difficult for you to do so), knowing fully she was taking advantage of you. You should have bailed long time ago and you saw the signs. Probably you saw the signs with your previous exes and chose to ignore them. You kept wondering why she was holding on to you (online gf) and saying things like she loves you/need you and such. I asked you if she was getting money from you. You never replied and I knew right away. Now you confirm it.

 

Now is the time to choose you. Enroll in therapy if it has not happened already and stop letting people use you. YOU let them use you. Once you let go of toxic people you will feel les exhausted I promise.