crush.

[greenie35]

This is long but I really need some advice here...

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 and ahalf years. We moved a way together to attend college and since we've moved we have done nothing but argue. It seems as though our goals and ambitions in life are completely different. I love him so much and am really attached to him adn his family. He has moved out of the house we shared to get some space. We thought this might help our relationship, and it has a bit, but I still feel like somethings missing. I'm pretty sure he does too. We're still hanging on.

 

 

Here's the thing...

There is a very attractive guy where I work. The first time I actually felt interest in him I was walking with a co-worker to our bosses office. I noticed this guy walking towards me. I had notice him before, but had never seen him close up. As he passed I (trying to be subtle) looked up from under the bill of my cap. He stared me right in the eyes and it was like time stood still. I had to go to the bathroom to get my heart to stop beating so fast and splash cold water on my face. Since then, there have been soooo many occasions where we have locked eyes for more than 3 or 4 seconds. I can tell that he wants me to know he's checking me out. Other people I work with have told me that they see him staring at me, when I walk past. This has been going on for months now. Only recently have we exchanged words, but they are usually work related. I try to find ways to talk to him so that I can feel his energy. Lately the eye contact has become more obvious. I attended our christmas party a few months ago and was hoping I could actually talk to him there, but he was with a girl. This hurt a bit, but I do have boyfriend and took this as a sign that I shouldn't take this all too seriously. One day my boyfriend dropped me off at work and standing outside the door was the guy on his cell phone . I kissed my boyfriend and got out of the car. He of course saw this and gave me another extended glance, but it was of the "well well well, what do we have here" variety. The realization of us both knowing the other is taken has not interfered with our constant eye flirting.

I don't know what to do here, because it looks as though my relatinoship is coming to an end and I don't know what's going on with my crush's relationship. I don't think it's fair that he could so blatantly be flirting with me if he has a girlfriend. It's like teasing...but then again maybe he doesnt want to approach me because he's thinking the same thing.

 

What should I do about this. Should I try to have a real conversation with this crush. I have already gone to a bar I know he hangs out in in hopes of talking to him there. Should I break things off with my boyfriend and then approach this new guy. It is soooo difficult...I really would like to explore this other guy. I believe this strong feeling I have for this other guy is the surest sign that I'm ready to leave my boyfriend. I would appreciate some advice here.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I think that before you start moving on with someone else you need to decide about your relationship. If it is over and you know that then break up. Don't do it because there is someone else in the wings, what if that guy is taken? Do it because your relationship is not working. After you decide on that then you can look into dating again.

[greenie35]

I guess the main thing about breaking up with my boyfriend is that I really haven't made a lot of friends down here. I guess I feel like if I break things off with him I'd be losing my only friend. It's not soo much that I want a man waiting in the wings. I cant really put into words the way this guy makes me feel when I'm around him. I 'm 25 years old and he makes me feel like I'm 14 again. It's great. I realize it may be due to the fact that I've become bored in my current relationship. I can't deny the way he makes me feel. If he is taken, I don't understand why he would continue this game we seem to be playing. Perhaps it makes work more tolerable maybe he thinks it's fun and just likes the attention. Either way--I may be moving back to my hometown after this semester is over. I'm not sure yet. If I had the oppurtunity to date this guy I would hve to go for it. I'd be a fool not too. I know I need to break things off with my boyfriend. I just don't know how to go about it. I'm afriad of being lonely. We moved so far away from my family and friends. I don't have a lot of oppurtunity to meet new friends.

[DN]

It would be grossly unfair to your boyfriend to hold onto a relationship just because he is your only friend. Frankly, you would be using him for selfish reasons and not thinking at all about his well-being.

 

If you do not break up with him, as you correctly recognise that you should, then the only alternative would be to wait until you do have friends and perhaps another romantic interest and then dump him because you no longer need him. Hardly fair to him!

 

If you don't see a future with him in a romantic relationship then you should break up with him as painlessly as possible and start to find friends of your own. Let him move on and find someone who cares about his well-being as least as much as her own.

[DN]

If he is taken, I don't understand why he would continue this game we seem to be playing.

 

Perhaps he is playing the game for the same reasons that you are.

[Lily04]

I had the same problem when I was dating my bf. We ended up breaking up not because of the crush (which was just an unrealistic infatuation...) but because our relationship was going no where. The fact that I was really into this other guy just made the case stronger that I was ready to break up though, as well. You should probably really reconsider why you're still in this relationship, as I think most signs point that you're ready to move on.

 

Good luck, and take care. I'm sure you'll make new friends in time.

 

Lily04

[elizmdavis]

Greenie, we have the same issues in common with our lives right now. Email me if you want to talk!! Maybe we can help eachother...

 

I am in the exact same boat as you girl. I have been with my guy 3 years and feel its time to go separate ways. Along comes this guy a few months ago who just completely threw me for a loop. He turned my world up-side-down! We only hung out with friends for the few days that he was in town, but the attraction (mutual) was like nothing I ever felt before and the whole situation caused me to think....and I am still thinking to this day about what kind of signs are being thrown in my face.

 

Speaking from the same point of view, I cannot stress enough that you need to figure out what to do with your current relationship before pursuing ANYTHING else. Here is an analogy....Since you lie in the bed that you make, know that right now there are enough pillows and blankets on your bed that you dont need to add anymore, until, maybe you get rid of a few....cool?

 

Crushes feel pretty awesome huh? Is it possible that they do not occur unless there is something open inside of us that allows the attraction in? Maybe life is you life and soul are missing something and you need to find the pieces, that is what I am thinking.....email me if you want, we can figure something out.