pinkladybug Posted January 4, 2016 Share Posted January 4, 2016 Those tool? He got them for himself and use the excuse not knowing what to get for you. My ex got me a customized controller for my bday. Weeks before, he said it was going to be a surprise and I thought oh, it'll be something I like. Of course I didn't tell him my disappointment because I didnt want to hurt his feelings. he knows I'm not a gamer and he is so I play lots of game with him. Years of electronic stuff. He was just buying stuff he wanted and molding me into the person he wanted in a girl. When we broke up, guess what? he asked for his controller back. You need to talk to him and let him know you're hurt and make a plan to change his ways. Right now he sounds inconsiderate or maybe he is really bad and awkward with gift and you sound way too nice. Make a list, talk, record the convo and listen with him to anaylze it, work it out together. Link to comment
Waraqqa Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Talking calmly yet openly is very important. And yes, it is totally inconsiderate of him to leave you with no gift at all like that, especially when you went all out. At the same time, can I ask why do some people, especially Americans, are so all-out and obsessive with gifts? I mean, 500 bucks?? That is just so excessive... Even if you love someone wonderful, shouldn't there be limits to Waste?? There are people who are truly poor in the world, the planet has fewer and fewer resources, the US is the largest producer of garbage on this planet, and this whole obsessive shopping and consumption (even if for others!) is just shocking... Sorry for off-topic, but just had to say this. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 To summarize: Your boyfriend is materialistic, makes big bucks, is a big spender on himself. You bought him expensive gifts for Christmas. (I can't remember if you said these were things he wanted or if he appreciated them. Were they, and does he? Are they things he would buy for himself?) You are not materialistic. You did not get many gifts as a child, and have baggage from your past in that regard. You take care of financial obligations for your bf using your gift money. (Do you buy things for yourself? I can't remember this either.) He did not buy you a gift this year. (You each feed into the other's style.) Do you love this guy? Does he love you? Again, I can't remember the details or if you've mentioned. (I'm sorry if I've missed important details.) Do you value this relationship? Is it good in other ways? This MAY BE an area you two differ on: what is gift giving about between you?; does he feel he provides in other ways (that count more, or mean more)? If this is a relationship you want, this MAY BE an area you decide that you two move in parallel but not the same. So, you, Lightattheend1, come up with a solution that works for you and let him come up with a solution that works for him. (You can buy yourself gifts, and delight in them and yourself, and for you baby also, and buy him a token gift. and acknowledge that this is how you do it and it doesn't have to be otherwise; love can be shown in OTHER ways; that is, if it is the case that the rest of your relationship outshines this gifting issue.) Exactly. Accept how he is and how you are, and make a solution for yourself that reflects this acceptance. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 Talking calmly yet openly is very important. And yes, it is totally inconsiderate of him to leave you with no gift at all like that, especially when you went all out. At the same time, can I ask why do some people, especially Americans, are so all-out and obsessive with gifts? I mean, 500 bucks?? That is just so excessive... Even if you love someone wonderful, shouldn't there be limits to Waste?? There are people who are truly poor in the world, the planet has fewer and fewer resources, the US is the largest producer of garbage on this planet, and this whole obsessive shopping and consumption (even if for others!) is just shocking... Sorry for off-topic, but just had to say this. Just fyi, we don't all do this. The last guy I was in love with... we spent about 75 bucks on each other. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 6, 2016 Share Posted January 6, 2016 At the same time, can I ask why do some people, especially Americans, are so all-out and obsessive with gifts? I mean, 500 bucks?? That is just so excessive... No typical. At all. Maybe some people are overcompensating for something, but I know a lot of people, and none of them do this. Link to comment
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