Confused over BFF/loved one's behavior

[Beccy]

Hello!

After a bit of trouble recovering my account, I'm finally back! And I'm desperately in need of help I want to tell my best friend that I have feelings for him, he's decided to go back to his hometown and I may not get another chance because this can't be done over the phone, and I might be seeing him tomorrow.

 

Up until three weeks or so ago, he was the PERFECT friend. I never had any doubt that if I needed anything I'd only have to tell him and he'd drop whatever he was doing and come, just as I would do for him. And I believe...BUT AM I RIGHT!?...that he likes/liked/loves/loved me, which is why I can't fathom his current behavior. Please help! I'll try not to ramble and to give you just the bare facts.

 

Beren (Him)

Just turned 19

Practically an orphan

Very timid, easily frightened and physically weak

Very sweet and caring person

Has a nearly baffling sense of morality ("it wouldn't be correct for me to ask you what time you get off work")

Kept bugging me for my phone number and asking me to go on dates with him after we met

When we worked together, would follow me like a shadow and always want to help me with anything he could

Would share his pain with me and sit talking to me for hours (and no, he wouldn't try to avoid my gaze)

Was very eager to meet my family and always sang their praises

Says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him

Calls me "my girl", "my beautiful Tinúviel", "princess", etc.

Once told me that whatever guy ended up with me would be very lucky

Refuses to disagree with anything I say or do

Keeps telling me how much he cares about me

Up until two weeks ago, would message me every single day without fail

Several times he told me he loved me and then followed it with "my friend"

Speaks Spanish and a bit of Portuguese

Has told me repeatedly that he feels he is beneath me (which I immediately denied)

Has told my friends I'm beautiful and the best girl in the world, but denied wanting to be my BF, when pressed (says love isn't about just that. I agree, BTW)

Will take even what he doesn't have to help anyone, anytime

Often would complain that he was "ugly" and girls "paid no attention to him"

Although he did mention a girl who "scared" him by asking him to be her bf after hearing him sing

Often spoke of how he felt lonely but didn't know if he was ready for a gf, and how he wanted to have children someday

Had only one GF before, she made him tattoo her name before dumping him for another guy after his family lost their money

 

 

Lúthien (Me)

Will turn 19 in a few months

At first only helped him because he needed it, later due to friendship

Never had a BF

He won my love, but I have not told him yet

When I met him, I had a crush on an Internet friend of mine, which he knew well as I only wanted friendship with him at that moment

Speaks English as well as Spanish

 

 

Both

Mexican nationality

We both have the mushiest hearts, haha

Lovers of animals (especially as relates to aquariums)

Love to sing

Hard workers

Romantic temperament (read: feelings over reason, very loyal to friends, etc. though I am more rebellious than he)

 

Now you've got the bare facts, know this: up until two or so weeks ago he was the best friend anyone could ever have asked for. He was always there for me, and was even more insistent than I that we should be friends forever, that he'd stay with me and we'd finish school together. And, of course, I did my best for him as well (even though I repeat at first it was for friendship and not romantic love; he knew of my crush). He met my family and everyone liked him. He introduced to me his only "family", a friend he considers a brother; and he was always eager to meet my friends and all the people in my social circle. My family helped him out because he's so poor sometimes he doesn't even eat, and gets sick because of it. And whenever either of us had a problem, we'd reach out to the other, sometimes (okay, often) chatting on WhatsApp all night long.

 

His birthday was on the 12th of December. He knew I was planning something for him, though I refused to say what. He agreed to come to my house then, and just then since he'd lost his job my dad found him an excellent one and helped him get to the interview. He got the job. Next day, he went to his hometown to see his brother who was sick, and said nothing to me until he was on his way already (mind, this from a person who'd previously shared even his minutest plans with me, whether I asked or no!) My father told me he'd be back in two days, but the next day he stopped coming online, calls went to voicemail, etc. I freaked out, with the situation as it is in Mexico, and my knowing he wouldn't even try to fight back if attacked in any way. Fortunately, though, he turned up again last week, messaging me from a friend's phone and apologizing for disappearing...said he'd been back for two days but didn´t show up on his bday because he was sick. I asked why he hadn't contacted me and he said his phone had died and he'd left the small one I gave him here. He told me he had come back only to say good-bye to me, he was going back to his town, and he asked when we might see each other. I told him I was off work Saturday, and he agreed.

 

Saturday came and went, and no Beren appeared, no message, nothing. I waited all day for him, as I wanted to give him his late birthday present and his birth certificate (our old boss asked me to give it to him) and hopefully work up the guts to finally tell him how I feel about him. Yesterday only my mom finally asked his friend about him and he said Beren was fine and just got another cell phone.

 

I don't think he doesn't care about me, the way he would look at me and speak to me, not at me, all speak of his caring. But why is he doing this!? Why is he leaving, when he just got a better job than he could get anywhere else without help, and will finally be able to live decently and help support his younger brother? Is it because of me? He knows, of course, that I don't think he should go; but he also knows I will support him no matter what; or at least I hope he does! Why no contact? All this only started with that dratted trip to his hometown. My mother is furious with him for leaving when we've helped him, but somehow I cannot get angry. It's his life and the last thing I want to do is control him. But he gave me enough signals... I thought he loved me, too. And if I don't see him again, I will never get the chance to finally express my feelings and work out the confusion, face-to-face.

 

He doesn't yet know I have his papers, because I have been unable to contact him at all and don't want to press him or get his phone number from his friend if he doesn't want me to have it for whatever reason. I am thinking of sending his friend a message asking him to tell Beren that he should pick up his birth certificate and then talking to him when I see him, but at the same time I don't want to be clingy...he knows I want to see him, he knows I care about him, and if he wants to I guess he will seek me out...? Should I offer the option to mail him his certificate in case he doesn't want to see me for whatever reason, or just ask him if he can come to pick it up?

 

What do you think is happening here? Does he like/love me, as he said he did? Should I try to use the papers as an excuse to see him, or should I offer to mail them to him? Why was he so eager to see me before and now doesn't seem to care? Do you think he will come to see me, after all? Should I make an effort to seek him out, or will that just make me look easy and desperate?

 

Please, please help!

 

Some ideas I've had or heard from my friends/family as to what might be happening here (and mind, he is NOT a bad person, but I'll post them all here anyway):

He saw his hometown and was seized with longing to go back

He doesn't know how to face me to say goodbye

He's afraid I'll be angry when/if we meet

He never really cared for me or liked me at all

He grew tired of me

He finds it painful to be around me because he thinks I'll never love him back

He met another girl he likes more than me

[Xylitol]

Someone that asks you out for a date likes you. You can easily confess to him.

[Beccy]

Someone that asks you out for a date likes you. You can easily confess to him.

 

 

But...how? Any tips? I'm terrified, Xylitol. I don't want to lose his friendship, but my emotions feel like they're in the blender every time I'm around him. Knowing what I know, that he's a very sweet, caring and loyal person... I don't want to lose him. I can't believe it took me as long as it did to get over my prejudices about him.

[Beccy]

Well!

 

On Christmas, my mom briefly let me have my cell phone back. I checked and, to my shock, saw that he was online. I was in tears, but decided not to jump to conclusions as I really felt that he cared, so I sent him a Merry Christmas.

 

..."Who are you?"

 

Me: What? You really forgot your best friend, Frodo? (my pet name for him, haha)

 

..."Frodo? I'm not who you think I am, this phone was rented to me."

 

Me: By Beren?

 

..."I'm his best {male} friend's mom. Are you his girlfriend?"

 

Me: Um...no, ma'am. Hahaha

 

..."Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that you look like her. He has a bunch of presents here for his girlfriend."

 

At this point, I was shaking all over.

 

Me: I didn't know he had a girlfriend...My name is Lúthien and I'm his best friend, we met at work.

 

..."Oh, so then you're the famous Lúthien?"

 

Me: Yes, ma'am... He's told you about me, then?"

 

..."He talks about you every day. Then the presents are for you. I'm sorry, I just assumed you were his girlfriend because he has a photo of you as his phone wallpaper. Look, I'm sorry for using Beren's phone, but he needed money and I offered it to him, and he wouldn't take it unless I would let him lend me his phone because he knew I needed it to talk to my sister."

 

I didn't think much of this, because I know for a fact he's done it before, and he's ashamed to borrow money just like that. And it would explain why he hasn't contacted me...though he could have asked for the use of another phone, the lady told me he was embarrassed to ask. I thought this likely enough since he's already living with her family. She first offered to give the phone back to him, then asked me to contact him on her son's cell phone, to which I replied that that wasn't necessary, that I trusted he'd contact me when he was ready. But I digress.

 

Me: Don't apologize, ma'am. I know how it is with him. I guess I was just worried because he asked if he could see me on Saturday, and I never heard back from him. I thought it was strange because he's always contacted me before.

 

..."Aw, you're so sweet. I'm sorry, that was mostly my fault. I had an operation and my son has to take care of me, so Beren is running my store for me. He works from 8AM to 11PM. He's a gift from God; my business finally stabilized now that he's here."

 

Me: Yes, he's great with people. The customers really like him.

 

..."Yes. I just lit a special candle for Beren. He's very pious, too, even with animals. It's a shame he has a girlfriend, or I'd want him for a son-in-law, hahaha."

 

We started talking about how great he was and it turned out we were both against his plans to leave, thinking it wouldn't be good for him. I confided to her that I still hope he'll change his mind, stay and finish school with me, as he'd said, and she said she viewed him as a son and would pay for his education. She told me she was the one who'd advised him not to take the job my dad found for him because it wasn't a good job. I thanked her for reassuring me that he did want to talk to me and thanked her for helping my friend, at which point she started calling me "my girl", saying that I was like him, and that there was no need for me to thank her. She then offered to give him the next day (Saturday) on paid leave of absence so he could come see me, but then remembered she was getting a delivery and couldn't let him go; but she promised to let him as soon as her daughter arrived to take care of her. We talked for easily more than an hour on WhatsApp. I told her that I was bothered by the fact he'd spent money to get me gifts, and she said "If you don't accept them, you'll break his heart." I said, "Of course I'll accept them, but I do wish he hadn't done it, nonetheless."

 

Near the end of our conversation I remarked on something I'd noticed. Probably insignificant, but just thought I'd mention it.

 

Throughout our conversation, she was referring to me as "my girl", which is something Beren does all the time, but I thought nothing of it since many other older people call me that as well. But I noticed that...well, his spelling isn't exactly stellar, and she was making most of the same spelling mistakes he always makes. Of course, this means nothing, as most Mexicans can't spell their own language to save their lives, but thinking to make a joke I asked her, "Are you sure you aren't Beren? You sound so much like him hahaha."

 

She was like, "What do you mean?"

 

I realized I'd put my foot in it. "Oh, nothing," I tried to blow it off. "It's just that your style is a lot like his."

 

I was about to continue with something like, "That must be why you're as nice as he is," (because she truly struck me as a sweet lady), but before I could send that message, she asked if she could call me, and said I'd offended her with my comment. I apologized for my clumsiness and told her I was only making a stupid joke, but she insisted on calling me twice. Both times I answered, but either she hung up right away or the call was dropped. She said she'd tried to call me so that I would know it really wasn't him, but I apologized and assured her it wasn't necessary, and after the two cut off calls she finally gave up and told me that it was OK and I was welcome at her house anytime. That said, we parted on a friendly note.

 

 

Garn! I do so badly want to confess my love to him when I see him! I feel bad now for ever having doubted him, and I see now that my mom's harsh judgment of him was altering my vision. I do so want her to think well of me...

 

But I guess that's a moot question, now. My mother KNOWS I don't sleep around, I'm a virgin and have never admitted to crushes before when I liked guys... in part because I'm shy and in part because I didn't want to date/play around, nor was I ready to get serious about someone. Before, when my crushes were on people I knew over the Internet or friends who we'd moved away from, she was always supportive and would tell me that she believed I was a good, clean, innocent girl. Now she seems to think I'm some sort of prostitute!!!! She and my father say I can't be alone with Beren, and they sic my sometimes-annoying little sisters on us whenever we're together in the house... And then this! Out of the blue, she told me I should forget about Beren and threatened me that if I got pregnant she would not let me in her house again.

 

I was almost too shocked and hurt to reply. If anyone ought to know me, it's her...up until recently, I trusted her with even my smallest thought. Of course, I denied my feelings for him after hearing that. But my mother strongly suspects...even though at first she approved completely of him. And I know for a fact my father spoke to him, calling him out for not taking the job and not saying anything about it.

 

When I confronted my mother about it, she first said it was her "duty" to tell me what she said. I told her quite firmly that she knew me and should know I'm not one to do that, but she stuck to her hurtful words. Then when I started crying she began to hug me and say she was sorry that Beren had broken my heart, and that's why she was angry at him.

 

He did NOT break my heart.

 

I'm fairly certain that is NOT why she is angry (though I don't really know why).

 

And he's done nothing wrong, so far as I can tell, save for a short forced hiatus from communication.

 

I'm so confused right now. I'm definitely confessing the next time I see him, after I give him his late birthday present and we've had a chance to catch up and can be alone. But I don't know what words to use, and I'm definitely not telling my mother or father anything.

 

Any advice?

 

I know this is super long, but I really am confused... I will be eternally grateful to whoever takes the time to read this and help me out, I feel like I'm going crazy...