help!!!!!! crazy, insane, woman in trouble or sorts

[fantasia2004]

I feel really bad right now,

 

My relationship with the ex is and has been over a two years at least about to be. I allowed him to figure me out and not fear me but treat me like you know what calmy so he has me jumping hoops like a maniac or a trained seal. This is what happened in the past. The guilt if others already know and for others who don't, still lingers. I hate having this feeling now.

 

Because I am no longer with my friends or family yet so alone yet I am so relieved that I am not with them.

 

Right now I am mortified with fear of people and meeting them at all. Yet I feel like a failure.

 

I have been talking too much about my life just to get it out. Because I needed someone to talk to but I am not satisfied. I knew what I wanted out of life. I always knew but I know now I will never get it ever, in my life time.

 

My problem is how do I conquer my fear of learning to let go, move on and feel good again, stop pushing people away and learning to trust people again?

 

Is it wrong to fear intimacy? Is it wrong to feel dirty and sinful because of your last bad relationship? Is it wrong to feel resentment with others who refuse to hear you because of your pain?

 

Is it Wrong to feel that everyone is lying to you to spare your feelings? I am losing my sanity.

 

I am in pain and it hurts like hell. This is not A call for self pity but a cry for salvation. Trust me I have tried to get therapy. It has not worked. No one trusts me anymore and I am fed up with being a doormat to others.

 

How can I regain my self respect without people looking at me as predictable? How can I change people's perception of me without losing my dignity my cool my nerve or patience?

 

I used to be angry at everything. I seriously now I want to end the fury and be at peace which is hard for me. how can I get others to take me seriously?

 

happiness should be here but yet it is not. what gives Help

[LifePak]

So you're saying you're pushing people away because you've overwhelmed them with your life?

If not, how do you think you're pushing people away from your life

 

And please elaborate a bit on why you would think nobody trusts you

 

I have a feeling i'll also be learning something in this conversation

[arwen]

Hey fantasia,

 

I think that the perception of others has everything to do with the way you perceive yourself. To a certain extent, we 'tell' people how they can/should treat us by the way we treat ourselves. This does not mean that you allow people to treat you badly in a direct way. Neither does it mean that you deserve to be treated that way. What it means is that people don't perceive a boundary when it comes to those bad things. This could make you vulnerable for people who have bad intentions.

 

I understand that you feel tired of trying therapy. That is why I would like to recommend a book to you. Maybe you have heard of it. It is written by Young&Klosko (1994): 'Reinventing your life'. It is more or less the basis of cognitive therapy. I don't know what kind of therapy you have had, but after 8 years of moving in the psychologic circles and struggling with life, this is really useful for me. I can tell you more, if you want, in PM.

 

The basic thought is that every time people treat you as a doormat, this is a confirmation of what a background inner voice already told you. Your first thought could be 'you see, I deserve to be treated this way, I will never be happy', etc. I myself wasn't even conscious of these thoughts until they made me keep a journal of things that scared me, depressed me, etc. While it is your fear to end up in the same place time after time again, you end up there anyway because it is a safe place. You are familiar with being treated like a doormat, and you don't know how to live another way. In order to change that, you will have to change the thoughts about yourself. This way you will stand up for yourself and eliminate persons from your life who make you feel 'in that place' again.

 

It is not an easy task to do, but it's really a practical form of therapy.

 

Well, I ended up telling about it anyway, I can understand if this post comes accross all vague and messy. Please feel free to send me a pm whenever you want.

 

By the way, good thing that you describe your need for help not as being a way of pitying yourself. It's already a good way to start going in the good direction. If you feel that this cannot be your life, don't LET this be your life and break through this negative circle.

 

Once you feel you have hit the emotional rock bottom, at least you have a solid ground under your feet. Let this bottom serve as a way to jump up and start climbing, instead of a sad place to sit down.

 

take care,

 

Ilse.

[FuriousSam]

Imagine the type of person that you want to be. Imagine what kind of clothes you would be wearing, the expression on your face, the type of persona you have. Now imagine the way that you want to talk to other people and how you present yourself in front of them. Imagine the way that you want people respond to you. Are you happy with the way it's going so far? If not, then start over again until you find something that you absolutely love. Now how badly do you want to be this person? Do you want to be like that no matter what? Turn it into a desire and you will "Think And Grow Rich".

[fantasia2004]

So you're saying you're pushing people away because you've overwhelmed them with your life?

If not, how do you think you're pushing people away from your life

 

And please elaborate a bit on why you would think nobody trusts you

 

I have a feeling i'll also be learning something in this conversation

 

 

I push people away mostly because I am tired of being hurt. Like I was with my ex and others in the past.

 

To be friends is hard to maintain friendships is difficult. My fear is also not feeling worthy of the love of someone else. Year after Year I would turn away good guys because I thought I did not deserve them. With this last one, I loved him dearly and yes I miss him not as much though but I do. But sadly I just kept pushing him away because I felt he deserve better and wondered why with me? Stupid? yes Moronic? yep.

 

This is what I felt.

But the crazy thing is that I had a hard time dealing with his intentions of really loving me. How painful is it to hear someone tells you "Can't you see that I love you?" when you can't yourself?

 

Is it true that if you trust no one else that you do not trust yourself?

 

That people did not abandoned you, you abandoned yourself?

 

My words of speech do not make sense anymore when I have conevrsations with people. I feel like something is really wrong with me like I am not all together.

 

I feel really crazy, not violent, but like I can't or feel that people really don't want to talk to me on a friendly basis. It is a feeling of uneasiness

 

It is not the same. Also people talk down and treat me to me as if I am this goody two shoes or like a child like how my friends and family and my ex too. They have no respect towards me at all.

 

I know that trying to please people is a recipe for disaster but that was part of my problem too.

 

I am lost right now and I want to be really healthy again.

 

If does not make sense, please let me know I will gladly clear it up!

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

To be friends is hard to maintain friendships is difficult. My fear is also not feeling worthy of the love of someone else. Year after Year I would turn away good guys because I thought I did not deserve them. With this last one, I loved him dearly and yes I miss him not as much though but I do. But sadly I just kept pushing him away because I felt he deserve better and wondered why with me? Stupid? yes Moronic? yep.

 

This is what I felt.

But the crazy thing is that I had a hard time dealing with his intentions of really loving me. How painful is it to hear someone tells you "Can't you see that I love you?" when you can't yourself?

 

I don't know if you read my previous reply, but based on what you tell me here, I would really, really recommend you to read the book I told you about.

 

You push people away for two reasons: you are afraid to get hurt (because of the past) and you feel you don't deserve a good guy (because of the same past, as far as I can tell).

 

This fear is not just making you unhappy. However contradictory it may sound, it is also a safe place. Allowing only the people in your life that end up hurting you is sort of a self-fulfilling prophecy if your innervoice tells you you don't deserve real love.

 

Because this implies that you deserve to be treated like a doormat.

 

Basically, the answer to your question is YES: when you are not capable of loving yourself, it is very difficult to create a loving relationship with someone else.

 

And you are not strange, or messy, or crazy, although you might feel all these things, you are human. It is very common to get hurt so badly that you really need to sort of re-set your self image after a bad relationship. Some people seem to be able to just maintain their selfconfidence in a relationship. I have never really been able to do that in the past. It took me lots of time, crying, depression, therapy and even (and still) medication to get a grip on my life and self-image.

 

Just keep on writing, and again, feel free to PM me if you want!

 

You will feel better about yourself, I am sure of that. You are a strong person to have acknowledged the way you feel, which is often the biggest step in healing/getting better.

 

Ilse.

[fantasia2004]

Hey fantasia,

 

I think that the perception of others has everything to do with the way you perceive yourself. To a certain extent, we 'tell' people how they can/should treat us by the way we treat ourselves. This does not mean that you allow people to treat you badly in a direct way. Neither does it mean that you deserve to be treated that way.

 

How is that possible somewhat I am hurt by that but I know you are speaking of truth not personally to hurt me intentionally. It means I did not mean to bring this on myself. I am not happy at all at this time.

 

 

 

[ u]What did you mean by this statement[/u]?

 

[ quote]What it means is that people don't perceive a boundary when it comes to those bad things. This could make you vulnerable for people who have bad intentions.

 

Furthermore I shy away from others because Iam not sure if they are somebody you can talk to at all.

 

I am really afraid that they might not give their part to open up and try to be diplomatic or they might take my kindness as a way to use me. Which Iwant to avoid.

 

I get so scared to connect with others that it forces me to stay alone by myself to avoid communicating with others on a regular basis.

 

 

A real paralysis for me of course.

 

Why take someone else's crap if all you want to do is be good and considerate of others ? I refuse to be cordial or be nice when they choose to disrepect me.

 

So I continue to be anti-social.

[FuriousSam]

Hey fantasia,

 

I think that the perception of others has everything to do with the way you perceive yourself. To a certain extent, we 'tell' people how they can/should treat us by the way we treat ourselves. This does not mean that you allow people to treat you badly in a direct way. Neither does it mean that you deserve to be treated that way.

 

How is that possible somewhat I am hurt by that but I know you are speaking of truth not personally to hurt me intentionally. It means I did not mean to bring this on myself. I am not happy at all at this time.

 

Have you ever talk with someone that's so down that no matter what you say, that person will still be down and changes everything you tell them into something negative? Consider this story:

 

One morning, a man awoke convinced he had died during the night. Since he was awake, it was clear he had become a zombie. He told his wife about this state of affairs.

 

"You're not a zombie," she said.

 

"I am a zombie," he answered.

 

"What makes you think so?" she asked.

 

"Don't you think zombies know when they are zombies?" he answered.

 

Realizing she wasn't persuading him, she called his mother and told her what was going on. "Let me speak to him," she said.

 

When the man took the phone, she said, "I'm your mother. Wouldn't I know if I gave birth to a zombie?"

 

"You didn't. I just became a zombie last night."

 

"I didn't raise my son to be a zombie, or to think he's a zombie," his mother said.

 

"Doesn't matter. I'm still a zombie."

 

Later, his wife tried getting help from their minister. "You're not a zombie," the minister said. "Probably just going through a mid-life crisis."

 

"Zombies don't have mid-life crises," the man said.

 

The minister recommended a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said, "So you think you're a zombie?"

 

"Think? You're kidding," the man said. "Know. I know I am a zombie."

 

"Tell me," the psychiatrist asked, "do zombies bleed?"

 

"Of course not. We're the living dead. We don't bleed!"

 

"Watch this," the psychiatrist said. He took a pin and pricked the man's finger.

 

A small drop of blood welled up. "There," the psychiatrist said, "what do you think of that?"

 

The man stared at his finger and said nothing for a few minutes. "Well, what do you know," the man said after a while. "I'll be damned. Zombies do bleed!"

 

Get my point?

 

[ u]What did you mean by this statement[/u]?

 

What it means is that people don't perceive a boundary when it comes to those bad things. This could make you vulnerable for people who have bad intentions.

 

What I think that means is that you have to draw your line somewhere as to what you will tolerate and what you will not.

 

Furthermore I shy away from others because Iam not sure if they are somebody you can talk to at all.

 

I am really afraid that they might not give their part to open up and try to be diplomatic or they might take my kindness as a way to use me. Which Iwant to avoid.

 

I get so scared to connect with others that it forces me to stay alone by myself to avoid communicating with others on a regular basis.

 

A real paralysis for me of course.

 

Why take someone else's crap if all you want to do is be good and considerate of others ? I refuse to be cordial or be nice when they choose to disrepect me.

 

So I continue to be anti-social.

 

"The best move to make is not to move at all. If you hide inside a shell, no one will be able to hurt you." I understand that you have been hurt before and that it is harder for you to open up to anybody in fears that you will get hurt again. But you have to understand that nobody can survive alone and you have said that yourself that you are sad because you are lonely. I am not telling you to just go out there and open up to people, but you do have to give others a chance to get to know you.

 

Have you heard of the saying, you act the way you want to be treated? If you are cold to others, they will be cold to you. If you think that everyone is your enemy, they will be your enemy. Start thinking positive and your views will become positive as well. Maybe the next time you meet someone that's interested in you, tell him/her that you have been hurt before and it'll take time for you to trust. If they stick around, maybe give it a try?

 

One more thing, if any of the stuff that I posted offends you, let me know. I won't post on this topic anymore if you don't want to hear it.

[fantasia2004]

Hey fantasia,

 

I think that the perception of others has everything to do with the way you perceive yourself. To a certain extent, we 'tell' people how they can/should treat us by the way we treat ourselves. This does not mean that you allow people to treat you badly in a direct way. Neither does it mean that you deserve to be treated that way.

 

How is that possible somewhat I am hurt by that but I know you are speaking of truth not personally to hurt me intentionally. It means I did not mean to bring this on myself. I am not happy at all at this time.

 

Have you ever talk with someone that's so down that no matter what you say, that person will still be down and changes everything you tell them into something negative? Consider this story:

 

One morning, a man awoke convinced he had died during the night. Since he was awake, it was clear he had become a zombie. He told his wife about this state of affairs.

 

"You're not a zombie," she said.

 

"I am a zombie," he answered.

 

"What makes you think so?" she asked.

 

"Don't you think zombies know when they are zombies?" he answered.

 

Realizing she wasn't persuading him, she called his mother and told her what was going on. "Let me speak to him," she said.

 

When the man took the phone, she said, "I'm your mother. Wouldn't I know if I gave birth to a zombie?"

 

"You didn't. I just became a zombie last night."

 

"I didn't raise my son to be a zombie, or to think he's a zombie," his mother said.

 

"Doesn't matter. I'm still a zombie."

 

Later, his wife tried getting help from their minister. "You're not a zombie," the minister said. "Probably just going through a mid-life crisis."

 

"Zombies don't have mid-life crises," the man said.

 

The minister recommended a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said, "So you think you're a zombie?"

 

"Think? You're kidding," the man said. "Know. I know I am a zombie."

 

"Tell me," the psychiatrist asked, "do zombies bleed?"

 

"Of course not. We're the living dead. We don't bleed!"

 

"Watch this," the psychiatrist said. He took a pin and pricked the man's finger.

 

A small drop of blood welled up. "There," the psychiatrist said, "what do you think of that?"

 

The man stared at his finger and said nothing for a few minutes. "Well, what do you know," the man said after a while. "I'll be damned. Zombies do bleed!"

 

Get my point?

 

[ u]What did you mean by this statement[/u]?

 

What it means is that people don't perceive a boundary when it comes to those bad things. This could make you vulnerable for people who have bad intentions.

 

What I think that means is that you have to draw your line somewhere as to what you will tolerate and what you will not.

 

Furthermore I shy away from others because I am not sure if they are somebody you can talk to at all.

 

I am really afraid that they might not give their part to open up and try to be diplomatic or they might take my kindness as a way to use me. Which I want to avoid.

 

I get so scared to connect with others that it forces me to stay alone by myself to avoid communicating with others on a regular basis.

 

A real paralysis for me of course.

 

Why take someone else's crap if all you want to do is be good and considerate of others ? I refuse to be cordial or be nice when they choose to disrespect me.

 

So I continue to be anti-social.

 

"The best move to make is not to move at all. If you hide inside a shell, no one will be able to hurt you." I understand that you have been hurt before and that it is harder for you to open up to anybody in fears that you will get hurt again. But you have to understand that nobody can survive alone and you have said that yourself that you are sad because you are lonely. I am not telling you to just go out there and open up to people, but you do have to give others a chance to get to know you.

 

Have you heard of the saying, you act the way you want to be treated? If you are cold to others, they will be cold to you. If you think that everyone is your enemy, they will be your enemy. Start thinking positive and your views will become positive as well. Maybe the next time you meet someone that's interested in you, tell him/her that you have been hurt before and it'll take time for you to trust. If they stick around, maybe give it a try?

 

One more thing, if any of the stuff that I posted offends you, let me know. I won't post on this topic anymore if you don't want to hear it.

 

 

 

Have you heard of the saying, you act the way you want to be treated? If you are cold to others, they will be cold to you. If you think that everyone is your enemy, they will be your enemy.

 

So there are truly nice people in the world? Who can be none threatening and less likely to take advantage of me?

 

I just want to know now as far as my former friends, if I choose to accept them again, -that is a big if -how can I get everyone to stop talkimng down to me or treating me like as if I am a child or constantly saying "That is typical of her? "

 

My guilt of of being treated like a doormat by my ex is because I let him but I am trying to let it go. It still hurts like I want to pay him back and the revenge idea of doing your best in success of life is not sweet to me.

 

Plus my family thinks I am a failure along with my friends or the former friends I should say. I am just tired of the criticism

[LifePak]

You know, i want to tell you about one thing about maturity. Maturity, in my experience, has a lot to do with seeing the big picture of things. If people are not taking you seriously, it means you don't see the big picture of things. I suggest you master a skill. Not for confidence boosting's sake. But when you've mastered the skill, perferably in a class' setting with less than 10 people, you will be in a state of fearless. In that state, you'll notice different things in the class instead of yourself. Learn about human interactions in the class while maintaining mastery of the course. It also sets up an environment where you have a reason to chat. If you do that, you'll be able to pick up one or two "what to do's/what not to do's". And you can apply it to the big world and see that you've grown a baby step into maturity. Your fate depends on whether you make that first step.

 

But I honestly don't know whether your family is just seeing things wrong or that you are in fact, less capable. So you should test yourself a bit. Try meeting some new people, the more the better because if you focus on only 1 or 2, you'll repel them away since you'd be focusing on them and nobody likes a still stranger to be paying too much attention to them. Anyways, when you met them and got to know them better, see if they respond in a similar way as your previous friends and your family. If they do, then it's time to forgive your friends and family because it means you're the one whose exhibiting a cause that they've reacted.

 

by the way, giving yourself away does not mean speaking what you think and how u feel. It has a lot more to do with having interest and caring about them. Which to some people, are very difficult because some of us go thru life without having to care or reach out to others. And then they realizes that at a certain point in life, they do not find happiness, and want to do things but are scared because that part of their life is underdeveloped. They don't know where to begin developing. Some believed that they are a genetic error because everyone seems to be doing so well while they're the only one who is not. They also believed that they could do things without making mistakes, but when they try it, the results are not as good as it hoped. The unnoticed underdevelopment in terms of interactions, are something you have to realize that you might posess before you can help yourself. Think of it as a percentage thing if you do want to know where to begin. Begin right now, 1st person means you're 1% developed, or that you have 1% chance of making a friend out of that person. 2 people means 2%. With 1% chance of winning, of course you are suppose to fail. Your fate depends on you.

[fantasia2004]

good points and well said

[arwen]

Hey fantasia,

 

There are good people in the world, really. You are one them, and all I am saying is that you need to build up a better image of yourself. When you have a strong sense of what you want in life and what is good for you and what is not good for you, it will be easier to keep people that can hurt you or make advantage of you, at a safe distance.

 

It's difficult to give an answer here, because I have no clear picture of what you have been through in the past.

 

By no means do I intend to make you feel even worse... really, read that book!!!

 

take care,

 

Ilse.

[FuriousSam]

So there are truly nice people in the world? Who can be none threatening and less likely to take advantage of me?

 

What is your definition of nice? Everyone can be nice. Sure, there are people who are unthreatening and won't take advantage of you, but you have to be careful who you trust.

 

I just want to know now as far as my former friends, if I choose to accept them again, -that is a big if -how can I get everyone to stop talkimng down to me or treating me like as if I am a child or constantly saying "That is typical of her? "

 

If your friends treated you that badly, why would you want them back?

 

My guilt of of being treated like a doormat by my ex is because I let him but I am trying to let it go. It still hurts like I want to pay him back and the revenge idea of doing your best in success of life is not sweet to me.

 

Getting revenge is not as sweet in the end as you would think. Once you get it, you would feel you are on top of the world for a brief moment, but then you feel empty because you have no clue what to do anymore. Improving yourself will help you better in the long run, that's why everyone suggests that.

 

Plus my family thinks I am a failure along with my friends or the former friends I should say. I am just tired of the criticism

 

You are the master of your own life, not your family or your friends. You can't control what they say because it's their mouths, but what you can do is to use this as fuel to improve some part(s) of your life.

 

I understand that we are all a bunch of words put together on a screen for you to read. And whatever we say just doesn't seem to have any solid ground behind it. However, depending on how badly you want this part of your life handled, you can make it into a reality if you believe in it. Tell yourself that you want this changed whenever you can and put emotions in it (Lots of emotions). And what this does is that it will force your subconscious mind to believe in it. Once that is done, it's just a matter of time before it becomes a reality.

[LifePak]

Are you just here to read what we say? Like a form of entertainment, and then continue to live a miserable life?

 

You should go read the book ilse suggested. I'm sure she has her reason to point that particular book out to you.

[arwen]

Hey,

 

as I explained, this book is the basis of cognitive behavioral therapy. The reason I refer to it is that I am currently in this kind of therapy, and this is really working. I know the feeling of being tired of therapy. This year is like the 9th year of therapy for me. First 3 years to beat anorexia, after that to keep me away from anorexia-relapse, which I managed but I got depressed anyway. I have felt like the most worthless person on earth for years, and have been in a relationship with the most selfish man ever in that period. Which of course only made things worse!

 

But getting help wherever possible, has been totally worth the trouble, although it has delayed my graduation at university, I am in huge debts because of that, and I still need to spend a lot of time fighting my 'old' negative thought patterns that I have about myself.

 

Maybe it sounds easy coming out of my digital mouth here on enotalone, it isn't and I know. But staying unhappy and giving up isn't gonna help either, is it?

 

Take care, girl. I would really like to help you as good as I can.

Ilse.

[fantasia2004]

Are you just here to read what we say? Like a form of entertainment, and then continue to live a miserable life?

 

You should go read the book ilse suggested. I'm sure she has her reason to point that particular book out to you.

 

 

No of course not why bang your head against the wall trying to tell me the same thing over so that it can bleed?

 

Are you kidding me? For some starting over or beginning at all in action is harder than it looks.

 

I was never like this before. I am 32 now. I feel a little lost of what to do. I am afraid and feeling so out of place I hate to use this word but maybe I am "stuck".

 

I am not here to drain people but this kind of unhappiness can kill you. You do realize for some people as an example, not to be pessimistic , that they can have everything food, clothes, money shelter, love, job, career, and still the emptiness or hollowness in their lives and unhappiness remains or develops?

 

 

I even spoke to someone the day I started this post and they asked me do you realize the negative impact it has on people or the negative reaction, something like that? Strange.

 

As much as you say these things I am not being suicidal here I am just saying As much as I want out of this misery and depression I feel empty.

 

I don't need a relationship I don't know if I need friends. I am tired of depending on others when I should depend on my self.Positive thinking sure no you are not here for my entertain ment. I am even more offended but heard you loud and clear. I am way too old for this little spoiled kiddy stuff and want a break in the cycle. as I told you before I am reading these posts and printing them out and trying to see how I can apply them to my life out there....

 

The idea is that I am trying.

 

I said I was not like this before Now nothing is fun like it used to be and I am not here for others to feel sorry for me. I am here for help and advice not to be looked upon as someone who is in need of constant attention. For once in my life I would like to feel secure in at age in mind, soul, heart and body.

 

The constant crying for no apparent reason occurs. The people that treated me poorly because either I allowed them to walk all over me like a rug or they are really jealous envious or whatever. This is what I have to face or did face during my time.

 

This is what I mean. Look, the whining and complaining and feeling hopeless has to stop. That part or some of it is slowly whining down or ending but other issues remain. Maybe what I really want is to change and be a different person where others can look at me and see me in a more matured light while I find happiness inside and peace of mind.

 

Peace of mind and happiness is what I want now. the 3 things before I always wanted and knew I wanted I cannot have realistically . It will never happen I am sure of it.

 

So no this is not enetertainment tonight or access hollwood! Or the star or enqurier!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Just a little peeved. You are not meant to amuse me and no I am not here to use you this way. A bad way I mean. So please get these negative thoughts out of the way.

[FuriousSam]

... Peace of mind and happiness is what I want now. the 3 things before I always wanted and knew I wanted I cannot have realisticly . It will never happen I am sure of it.

 

... So please get these negative thoughts out of the way.

 

And I will say the same to you, please get these negative thoughts out of the way and start thinking positively.

[arwen]

This is what I mean. Look, the whining and complaining and feeling hopeless has to stop. That part or some of it is slowly whining down or ending but other issues remain. Maybe what I really want is to change and be a different person where others can look at me and see me in a more matured light while I find happiness inside and peace of mind.

 

Peace of mind and happiness is what I want now. the 3 things before I always wanted and knew I wanted I cannot have realisticly . It will never happen I am sure of it.

 

Fantasia, I think first of all, if you want to change yourself, do this for yourself and not others. They come on the second place.

 

If you are sure that it will never happen that you will find happiness, peace of mind and being a different person, this is will be the first thing you should work on. Convictions in this negative way tend to be self-fullfilling prophecies!

 

You are convinced that you will never be happy. So how on earth are you gonna become happy if this is your mind-set? Self-improvement starts with a positive attitude. Don't accept this negative feeling about yourself.

 

You say you are stuck, and I can feel that from the way you react. You are not stuck in your situation, you are stuck in your mind-set that doesn't allow you to see your life and possibilities in a more positive light.

 

A positive thought would be: there are at least 3 people here at the forum that care enough to write postings and check in on your topic regularly.

 

I will write to you and try to help you as long as it takes to make you feel at least a tiny bit better about the possibilities to make your life less hard.

 

Ilse.

[fantasia2004]

I meant the three things I wanted my whole life I will never get personal and professional.

 

Happiness and the others are possible to have just how and when is the beginning

[fantasia2004]

You say you are stuck, and I can feel that from the way you react. You are not stuck in your situation, you are stuck in your mind-set that doesn't allow you to see your life and possibilities in a more positive light.

I am as they say looking at the glass half empty....

 

So where am I supposed to see the life and possiblities

 

A positive thought would be: there are at least 3 people here at the forum that care enough to write postings and check in on your topic regularly

.

 

 

I see that as a positive look at things but in no way do I want others to view me as a person who thrives on self pity or need people to tell me this crap for enjoyment. this is meant to save someone when other avenues have been blocked and used and failed to produce results

[FuriousSam]

Life is as such that no one way of living is correct. There is no road maps where we can just pinpoint the direction that you need to go. You have to find that out for yourself. All we can do here is give you advice and you have to "fill in the gap" so to speak and find your own direction.

 

You keep asking about how, what, when, and where. I think the most important question you are not looking at as much is why. Why do you look at life so negatively? Why do you want to change? Why can't you do anything about it? Keep asking yourself those questions until you are extremely emotional about it. Do these feelings feel good? You don't want to feel like that anymore do you? Do you want to feel better? Now attach those emotions to what you want to do to make yourself better. Do not forget those emotions for they will be your driving force to change.

[fantasia2004]

On this path of bettering myself, will spirituality help me at all?

 

 

How do you know if god loves you and is willing to help you through it?

[arwen]

Hey fantasia,

 

I think that spirituality can help you through, yes. I am not a christian per se, my parents are though. Although I don't associate myself with the particulars of being a christian, I think the concept of having a support group in for instance a church works healing for a lot of people.

 

Do you know of any churches in your neighbourhood?

 

You ask a very existential question there, about how you know god loves you and is willing to help you through.

 

My answer will just reveal a part of my own beliefs. As I said, I don't belong to any formal religion.

 

I believe God to be the carrying force for all human beings. I think that meditation can bring you closer to yourself, and bring some peace. For me, God can be seen in the positive characteristics of a person. When you meditate, you can focus on your strength, and find your own solutions for the issues that bother you. This is how it more or less works for me.

 

I find peace and comfort in both the Bible and Buddistic texts. Especially the psalms in the Bible calm me down when I need it.

 

So, to answer your question, I think you can only know that god loves you if you believe in a god that loves all mankind.

 

Above all, whether you will find your way in one spiritual way or the other, I hope you will learn to love yourself.

 

take care,

 

Ilse.

[brando]

Fantasia,

 

I believe sprituality can help. I am not talking about religion, but a belief in a higher power, a higher self. A connection with the world around us.

I felt empty for a long long time. I blamed my ex wife, her daughters, and not once did i ever look at myself and ask why i blame them or if not them then what? I am not religious, i was raised catholic, received my sacraments, but never bought into it. I wish i had developed a better relationship with God through all of it, i did not. Anyway, after separating from my x, i realized it wasn't all her, alot had to do with who i beleved i was at the time. I was a spirtualy bankrupt person. Now it is a little different, i am more open to developing my spiritual side, i think it helps me, just br open to it, and the rest will follow.

[fantasia2004]

I see now but my problem is actually admitting I have a problem too. At least I think so.

 

No fun in mixing with others and getting mad all the time based on little things which really can kill your health.

 

 

I feel awful and my health is just suffering from binges and poor diet. Although I lost alot of weight dealing with illness and ex issues.

 

 

Blaming others for problems when it is me that could have contributed to them.

 

Hurting others in the process. Feeling that you don't deserve good things in life.

 

Right now in this process of everything I have done so far, I have refrained from anymore intimate relationships. I chose to be celibate which is something that I can really stick to.

 

I am not depriving myself I am just looking ro make myself better.

 

I am lonely yes But I was always alone because I was born an only child.

 

I feel like I have sinned in God's eyes and would do anything to wash away this dirty behavior.

 

 

This is the feeling I have now which may be silly to you but serious to me.

 

Please do not view me as mess up I am battling this for a long time within the last 3 years.

 

Since this breakup with the ex and others in my life, I have not been able to be who I am lately at all. Speech problems, lack of focus, not able to have a decent conversation, with others. It is painful.

 

This is not funny . No I am not taking drugs. I am feeling really out of place here.Why am I behind in this world?

 

It is like I used to have things in order and now everything is a mess I am all over the place and unhappy because of it.

 

I have no energy to go to

class or get out of bed. Something is really preventing me from existing the life I should have and not be jealous of others who are able to manage theirs and be happy at the same time.