hazel125 Posted December 20, 2015 Share Posted December 20, 2015 Well, I'm new here guys, I recently wrote a post on what happened between me and my ex gf. We were together for 3 years, lived in two different apartments, raised a puppy together and moved out if state together... Long story short, I quit my job to move to the new state for her first teaching job.. found a new job there but had to quit because the hours effected my school time.. everything was going perfect but I slowly became depressed because Ivery never had a job and hated seeing my girl do everything. Well the depression ended up making me become lazy and unmotivated to do anything.. so I started taking my girl for granted, just assuming she'd never leave me. I stopped asking bout her day, started playing the game more and just wasn't making her feel wanted.. about 5 weeks ago she asked for a week break and it killed me... "I need time to miss you" so I packed up my things and the dog and headed out. A week later she says "I feel like we've just lost sight of each other doing the same routine, we need to work on ourselves" I asked her to reconsider and she said no.. so the next day I asked her "should I just give you space or move on?" She says "I'm not focused on moving on right now, I'm worrying about myself and work but I'm not making promises" I love this girl truly and I know I messed up.. since the breakup, I've moved 2 hours away, found a new job, been working out, run every day and I've reflected on my issues. I miss her crazy, she will definitely be the one that got away. As much as I would love to do something to win her back, I don't know what to do.. we texted last week, she randomly said "hey, hope you got the dogs stuff in the mail" I said "yes I did thanks" she said "Good I made sure to pack frankie!" (Frankie is the name we gave our dogs favorite toy) I responded "yeah, she's running on the beach" my ex says "aww lol please be careful" I said "i will" and then she says "how are you doing?" I was honest and said "I'm doing good, if I'm not working, I'm working out with hazel, how are you?" She responded "I'm alright, work is stressful" I responded "your winter break is coming, you'll get time to relax" she never responded and hasn't texted me since then.. I figure, she knows how I feel and I'm not going to be chasing her or send her text pressuring her to have a convo. Id rather her be happy and even if that happiness doesnt have me in the picture because she deserves it. So today I'm going to keep a daily NC challenge and let people know how it goes everyday and start improving my daily life. thanks for the support Link to comment
indie Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Good luck. I'll be reading. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Well done! It's a tough road but you're off to a perfect start. Keep us updated! Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 22, 2015 Author Share Posted December 22, 2015 Thank you guys! I'll try to keep everybody posted. Well it's already been two days of NC but 5 weeks since we split up. I wasn't begging her during those 5 weeks, I only asked her the day after the breakup to reconsider but she told me "I know you want to try but not right now". We had a few contact those 5 weeks but couldn't really tell if it was her reaching out or not? Well anyways, Christmas is approaching and I won't be with anybody but myself and our dog because of family issues. I'm not going to let her know that because it'll just look like I'm sobbing over her. Question to you guys, do I text her merry Christmas? Or do I just wait and see if she text me? I'm sorta confused on what approach I should take. Like do I stay NC until she contacts me? Or do I try limited contact with her? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 In this case I would ask myself the following questions: How would I feel if she didn't respond? How would I feel if she responded yet I didn't hear from her again? Would I feel better? Would I feel worse? Personally, if she ended it and you're committing to NC, then I think she should be the one to reach out and not the other way around. So just for the record you aren't in NC bytheway. You are still in limited contact and already thinking about the next time. Link to comment
indie Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 Thank you guys! I'll try to keep everybody posted. Well it's already been two days of NC but 5 weeks since we split up. I wasn't begging her during those 5 weeks, I only asked her the day after the breakup to reconsider but she told me "I know you want to try but not right now". We had a few contact those 5 weeks but couldn't really tell if it was her reaching out or not? Well anyways, Christmas is approaching and I won't be with anybody but myself and our dog because of family issues. I'm not going to let her know that because it'll just look like I'm sobbing over her. Question to you guys, do I text her merry Christmas? Or do I just wait and see if she text me? I'm sorta confused on what approach I should take. Like do I stay NC until she contacts me? Or do I try limited contact with her? If you want to heal I think it is better for you not to stay in touch. Checking your phone to see if she called/texted will just drive you crazy. Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Well I mean I'm not totally calling it quits yet, I definitely want a chance to win her back. Well at least give myself a chance and if it fails at least I can say I went out like a man and tried you know? Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Question to you guys, do I text her merry Christmas? Or do I just wait and see if she text me? I'm sorta confused on what approach I should take. Like do I stay NC until she contacts me? Or do I try limited contact with her? How about... none of the above. Find a zillion things to look forward to on Christmas, to distract yourself. You'll inevitably think about texting her, and that's only natural, but try to make that the last thing you're thinking about. Otherwise you'll go nuts. Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 23, 2015 Author Share Posted December 23, 2015 Yeah you guys are right, the only chance I really have of getting her back is by just letting her go. I should be focusing on healing and becoming a better man for myself. Link to comment
indie Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Yeah you guys are right, the only chance I really have of getting her back is by just letting her go. I should be focusing on healing and becoming a better man for myself. I think so too. And I agree with Tom1990. Don't focus on the holiday text it will just drive you nuts. Link to comment
LovelyDani87 Posted December 23, 2015 Share Posted December 23, 2015 Good luck to you, I look forward to your updates! Merry Christmas! Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Welp, oddly enough I wake up this morning head out to work, come back and spend time with the dog. Go to the beach and let her run around chasing birds (basically dog went swimming lol) well anyways I get home around 6 oclock and I had left my phone at the house and oddly enough I get a text message from her older sister saying "Family wanted me to wish you happy holiday!" Soo, I had no clue what to do? Kinda awkward feeling. But i eventually texted back "Thank you! Have a great new year!" Regardless of what happened her family took me in at a very tough time in my life so I didn't wanna be rude. Well anyways that's how my day went! Lol Link to comment
SeanCages Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 That's good. Those people cared for you. Wishing them one back shows you're above the commotion. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Good on you for being cool about that! Keep moving forward, you got this. Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Welp I'm finding it extremely hard for me not to send her a text today and maybe ask hey how are you? But I told myself not to do it. Link to comment
SeanCages Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 Welp I'm finding it extremely hard for me not to send her a text today and maybe ask hey how are you? But I told myself not to do it. If you find it hard, just think about what response you're hoping to get out of that and if that's anywhere realistic. Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 24, 2015 Author Share Posted December 24, 2015 Yeah I told myself I'll never contact her unless she trys to contact me at some point. "if" she contacts me. I mean we dated for three years.. you'd think she'd reach out at some point but then again I could be horribly wrong Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 So it's Christmas Day and I was feeling awesome! Running around with all my nephews and nieces, then out of the blue my phone rings, it's my ex.. I don't pick up and about an hour later it's her texting me this "Merry Christmas! Hope your having a good one! Give the dog a big hug for me" I only responded "Merry Christmas" because I don't want to assume anything and ruin my healing process ! And you know what? I feel damn good today! I even decided to cut my hair shorter (had braids my whole life) but I said screw it, let's try something new! And everybody loves it! I got compliments all day! Although of course I'd rather be spending Christmas with my ex girlfriend and going to each other's families but for right now, I'm happy! Link to comment
SeanCages Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 So it's Christmas Day and I was feeling awesome! Running around with all my nephews and nieces, then out of the blue my phone rings, it's my ex.. I don't pick up and about an hour later it's her texting me this "Merry Christmas! Hope your having a good one! Give the dog a big hug for me" I only responded "Merry Christmas" because I don't want to assume anything and ruin my healing process ! And you know what? I feel damn good today! I even decided to cut my hair shorter (had braids my whole life) but I said screw it, let's try something new! And everybody loves it! I got compliments all day! Although of course I'd rather be spending Christmas with my ex girlfriend and going to each other's families but for right now, I'm happy! Good, keep this post in the back of your head. I sometimes find myself having a really bad day after a great one. Because it's weird to not share feeling awesome with that ex anymore. So yeah, if this happens, look back on today. Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 25, 2015 Author Share Posted December 25, 2015 Good, keep this post in the back of your head. I sometimes find myself having a really bad day after a great one. Because it's weird to not share feeling awesome with that ex anymore. So yeah, if this happens, look back on today. Yeah man I know what you mean. There are still days when I just get so upset about what have happened. Like the feeling of being left for something I could easily fix, you know? I get why she left, I became to dependent on her and clingy and got too comfortable. We were together for 3 years and I never acted like that until the past few months of the relationship. I'd much rather her say "I'm leaving because, I'm not in love anymore" or "I found someone else" I'd easily get over it quicker.. but all I know is either way whatever happens I'm going to continue to build myself up and keep improving my life because after a few months even if she'd come back to me.. hopefully I'll be to the point where I could say "your too late" Link to comment
SeanCages Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Yeah man I know what you mean. There are still days when I just get so upset about what have happened. Like the feeling of being left for something I could easily fix, you know? I get why she left, I became to dependent on her and clingy and got too comfortable. We were together for 3 years and I never acted like that until the past few months of the relationship. I'd much rather her say "I'm leaving because, I'm not in love anymore" or "I found someone else" I'd easily get over it quicker.. but all I know is either way whatever happens I'm going to continue to build myself up and keep improving my life because after a few months even if she'd come back to me.. hopefully I'll be to the point where I could say "your too late" Yeah, I'm also conflicted about our break up. I actually tried to break up with her this period last year, not once, but several times, but just couldn't get do it. And then she went away for school for 6 months, and that's the period where everything started to click, for me, for us. I visited her, and it was the best 10some days of our relationship, she cried when I left. She wanted to Skype all the time, but right before she got back, I flipped because of stress and we grew apart very fast, taking a break over summer, worst idea ever. Anyways, I felt like I was already fixing the issues we had in our relationship. I was giving myself and my education way more attention because her being away made me realise those things. But it never had a chance when she came back. It's my fault, it's her fault, it's how it happens, but it seems so silly. And it's easy to say: "Yeah, we had our problems", but I genuinely think we were on the fixing end. And we just didn't give ourselves an opportunity. But anyways, long story short, it does seem stupid. The guy she's with now doesn't seem to be someone she'd fall for, but it's how things are. That's a point we all want to reach. I'm working on it, you're working on it. Let's keep this going. Link to comment
hazel125 Posted December 26, 2015 Author Share Posted December 26, 2015 Yeah, I'm also conflicted about our break up. I actually tried to break up with her this period last year, not once, but several times, but just couldn't get do it. And then she went away for school for 6 months, and that's the period where everything started to click, for me, for us. I visited her, and it was the best 10some days of our relationship, she cried when I left. She wanted to Skype all the time, but right before she got back, I flipped because of stress and we grew apart very fast, taking a break over summer, worst idea ever. Anyways, I felt like I was already fixing the issues we had in our relationship. I was giving myself and my education way more attention because her being away made me realise those things. But it never had a chance when she came back. It's my fault, it's her fault, it's how it happens, but it seems so silly. And it's easy to say: "Yeah, we had our problems", but I genuinely think we were on the fixing end. And we just didn't give ourselves an opportunity. But anyways, long story short, it does seem stupid. The guy she's with now doesn't seem to be someone she'd fall for, but it's how things are. That's a point we all want to reach. I'm working on it, you're working on it. Let's keep this going. Your 100% correct! Link to comment
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