Will he come back?

[pastelandblack]

I've been with a guy for two years. We broke up last year due to him moving somewhere else and he 'fell out of love'. We lost contact for a couple of months (4) and then he came back to me, he said he missed me and was willing to try it again. He said he couldn't get me out of his head. I missed him as well, so we decided to take things slow and to see where it will go. We then spoke for about 6 months, first month was about getting used to speaking to each other again. We started speaking more and more each day. Till October we spoke about the future together, how we'd love to travel together and about holidays together etc. It was romantic and intimate as well till then. He moved back in November and then got a new job as well. He works every day now except for Sunday, 9-7. Since he got his job he started acting different, showing less interest in me. He kept saying things like 'I'll speak to you tomorrow' everyday but then didn't. He was online on whatsapp though, not every minute but every hour or every two hours. I thought he acted different because he was so busy and tired, didn't think anything of it. A couple of days ago he acted a bit short and out of curiosity I asked whether he was still serious about us, and to my surprise he said I don't really know now.. I asked him why and he said he's losing interest, he feels like he has to speak more to me than he wants to. He said he doesn't feel the way when we first started speaking again. We didn't have any arguments so I thought things were going well till he said that. Then I asked if he's with someone else and he said no, but did say he is speaking to someone else, only recently, but didn't want to tell me who it is. He told me that lately he wasn't really interested in seeing me anyway, but said what I wanted to hear. So he basically lied and made me believe things he didn't mean. We got into an argument because I got angry, said I feel used and lied to as I invested a lot of time and effort into speaking to him and making it work. As I thought he was serious about wanting to be with me again, and he made me believe things were going well. In a rush of anger I blocked him and deleted his relatives. And he blocked my mum on whatsapp as well. It's happened before that he lost interest because he had so much going on, moving, new job, losing friends, just like this time. Except for the fact that he says he's speaking to someone else now. I Feel hurt and upset about what happened, veryconfused as I thought the future looked positive for us. He also changed his profile picture on FB the day after the argument, acting like nothing has happened. We haven't had contact since it happened, which is 5 days now. Should I let him cool down for a while so he can think about what he wants? As it's so all of a sudden and recent do you guys think with his work etc he's serious about having a break from me again or what? I don't know what to do or think, I really do love him. Will he come back? Any advice?!

[cryingalways]

You're emotionally hurt right now so I understand having crazy thoughts, but if you think about his behaviour logically he's basically cheating on you and treating you with zero respect. He has made you feel happy sometimes, sure, but then he goes back on his words/breaks up with you then comes back/and is "talking" to another woman. I wonder what they've been "talking" about? It's not harmless just because they're not getting physical (although as you know now, he does lie) they could be having sexual conversations, which IS cheating.

Why on earth would you want someone to come back who cheats on you and treats you like crap? The only thing he has on you, is being able to make you feel insecure and dependant on his attention. You really, really don't need that. Get some self respect back and never talk to him again. He may try to come back, he may not, but seriously if you took him back his behaviour towards you would just get worse. You'll be ok, it's just like quitting smoking or something. It hurts at first because you're addicted, but just because it's addictive doesn't mean it's good for you. You can do this.

[jobelle]

I am sorry that you are going through this. To the outsider it's clear that this guy is either 1. not interested in YOU at all or 2. unable to have any kind of relationship. You dodged a bullet, it's a good thing that this "sudden loss of interest" happened now and not later when you're in a proper relationship and have responsibilities together. I think he was using you, maybe out of boredom or loneliness or whatever. Or maybe he has no self-awareness when it comes to his feelings (which you probably don't want in a boyfriend either as situations like this would just be bound to be repeated). Then something more exciting came along and there he went. He doesn't even respect you enough to let you go properly, probably wants to string you along in case the "talking" with the new girl doesn't work out. Why do you even want him to come back exactly? If he cared about you even a little bit he would want to spare you further pain and suffering and would just end things.

 

Save yourself the heartbreak and most importantly your dignity and remove yourself from this situation immediately. Start NC, give yourself time to wallow and focus 100% on your life, on the good people around you. Find a new hobby. Do kind things for yourself. You will get over it! I know it's easier said than done but I do think this guy is an utter waste of time. You deserve better. The fact that you even want this loser to come back into your life does tell me though that you have low self-esteem and that you don't feel that you don't deserve better so you probably need to address that too, therapy could help.

[suicidal24]

Yes he will come back but don't allow him to come back he is always going to do the samething over and over again.

[DeadInSid3]

Well from what i have read, my understanding is this.

 

He probably did want you back at that point in time, but i do think that this was mostly because he was not strong enough to move on at the time. He got back in contact with you to ease his own pain from the break up. What i do believe happened is that he, unfortunately, used you to get over your break up and now that he is strong enough to move on he just does not need you anymore.

 

Whether this was intentional or not, this was not fair towards you at all because there is no bigger coward than the man that invokes a woman's love only to break her hart.

 

Cut contact with him, you do not need this in your life, the pain is not worth it if he does decide to come back yet again only to do the same after a while. If he truly wanted to be with you, he would have made time in his life for you and not shove you towards the side again. He would have consideration for your feelings above all else especially because you have already broken up before.

[mhowe]

but did say he is speaking to someone else, only recently, but didn't want to tell me who it is. He told me that lately he wasn't really interested in seeing me anyway, but said what I wanted to hear.

 

So, he is lining up girl #2 while he does the slow fade and lies to you.

 

This isn't a break. He basically used you to transition to his new life, and now that he has it --- it is being cruel. Keep him blocked and move on.

[pastelandblack]

I just can't believe things turned out like this. Just one week before we had the fight we spoke about seeing each other, and within a week he started acting different. I've adapted myself to him the past half year, loved him, supported him, cared for him and this is what I get in the end. I'm the one whose heart is broken now, once again, and he's probably sitting there speaking to someone else feeling happy he's gotten rid of me. He probably doesn't even care as I haven't heard anything yet either, which has been a week now. I personally wonder whether he was actually interested and willing to try at all, if I'd say that to my ex I would actually want to work on things, I'd focus on him alone. But he chose to start speaking to someone else, which makes me feel like he never even was serious about it anyway. The worst thing about it all is, I'm the one that feels sad now and misses him, and he probably doesn't. He was like the male version of me, we shared so many interests which is very hard to find in someone as we both liked very old rock music and have traditional views. We had a connection I've never felt with anyone before, I could truely be myself around him and he with me. So I can't believe he's just thrown that away. I really loved him unconditionally and am scared I won't find anyone like him again. I just simply don't understand what's happened. In just one fight, one day, he decided to ditch me and throw the past half year and other two years away.

[cryingalways]

When you say you've "adapted yourself to him" do you mean you've changed for him? If so, that sounds wrong. You should not have to change yourself for someone who loves you like that. I think you're upset because he's in control right now (which is what he wants) and you feel powerless. You are giving him this power though and you have the power to take it away in yourself. How dare he treat you this way! You should be angry at what he did, but also absorb the facts you have now...that you probably feel deep down under all your insecurity right now of being alone...that he is not worth your time. I felt like my ex was the source of all my happiness and that i would never find anyone else after he left me in a cruel way (several times like you) and it's damn rough for a while, but you need to be strong for yourself, look after yourself. This guy is a waste of your time and you will come to see that one day. You should be with someone who loves you. Not just someone who you love and obsess over whilst they hurt you. They should love you back! Imagine that! That's a normal relationship! This is not. This is a game. Get out, cut your losses and move on. You'll get stronger everyday, just keep moving forward