My fiance cheated, what do I do?

[silver]

Hi all,

 

This is my first post on here, it's great there is actually a site dealing with things like these. Well, I had dated my then gf for 3 years, we got engaged, and shortly thereafter she told me she cheated on me and was leaving me to figure things out on her own. To give you some more background, we were young and I didn't know this at the time, but she cheated on her then boyfriend to be with me. I know, I know - I was asking for it...I knew of this but I thought the 3 years had bought her a little respect and trust.

 

My problem, however, is the fact that she is showing no guilt over any of this. Before we were engaged she was all into me, our life, our future, etc...this i can attest too. But all of a sudden it's like her personality has just reversed. Suddenly she treats me like i'm nothing...and even blames me for what happened. She tells me that there were problem with our "relationship" and that the cheating was only a "sympton", not the "cause". And right now i'm having trouble trying to stomach how this girl i wanted to spend the rest of my life with can just treat me like this. She's shown absolutely no remorse for her actions!!!

 

It's just so hard to go on knowing she's just turned into everything I would despise in a woman overnight. How can cheating be my fault? We don't argue a whole lot, i'm good to her, but still she's treating me like i'm abusive or something. I asked her where we stand...and she tells me that, "i want to be friends...but for the future, i can't say we won't be together because no one can predict the future".

 

What's all the more weird is that, shouldn't I be the one who's supposed to be mad at her? I'm not really aggressive about my opinions so I haven't really even yelled at her for what she's done. But just the fact she's been aggressive about trying to pin this on me hurts...she uses lines like, "you dug your own grave"...and..."you put the bullets in the gun".

 

My friends tell me to forget her, but I can't. And I don't know why. They tell me that by her actions, she's the type of girl who's going to go from guy to guy like this...i just don't know what to believe about her, or if i'll be able to trust a woman again.

 

Sorry for the long-winded post.

[squirrley]

I know you prolly dont want to hear this....but you need to get rid of her. If she's cheated once, she'll cheat again. You seem like a really nice guy who diserves someone who will treat you right. I know that it's hard and you don't want to loose her, especially after three years of loving her. You shouldn't feel guilty for her mistake, and you need to make her realize that she's the one at fault NOT YOU! You aren't the one who cheated, SHE did and she needs to know that you want someone who won't treat you they way she has. I hope I could help, and I know it's hard but if you pray and confide in your friends, you'll find a girl who will love you more than you could ever imagine! Well I hope I was any help!

[Clare37373]

Your ex is no more than trying to justify her affair and her cheating ways when she is blaming you for the affair and lays blame on these so called problems within your relationship. She is the GUILTY PARTY, NOT YOU.

 

This is exactly what my ex of 10 years did. He BLAMED ME for his affair and his eventual leaving me, said we'd had problems, said he hadn't been happy for years.......lol....and much more hurtful things besides short he was trying to pin the blame on everything and anything he could think of. A cheater will do this for it then justifies in their own heads, why they do what they do. It's known as *denial*. Don't let her off the hook - she had this affair because she wanted too, she was thinking of nothing but her own selfish self and needs...now you've found out, she's gotta think of reasons and any reasons as to why she cheated, making you feel like you are somehow to blame in the process - well you aren't!

 

Nothing, BUT NOTHING, ever justifies an affair. If she thought there were problems, then she should have talked to you about them - another person DOES NOT solve problems!!

 

She sounds a bit of a serial cheater to me, again a bit like my ex. He had a one night stand four years ago and swore he'd never cheat again. Fast forward to three months ago he did cheat again, this time he left me and our daughter for her.

 

You are best off without her. I would advise cutting off ALL contact with her......accept none of her calls and defo no face to face contact. Let her come running back to you and when she does, slam the door in her face

 

Good Luck!!

[LovelyGuy]

if she had any thought for your feelings she would blame herself but instead she is using you as the scapegoat and cheating herself in the process. It hurts a lot and you wonder what you did ... treat her too well or not well enough. No doubt you are seriously confused! If you are certain she has cheated then get rid of her, but do it smiling and without anger. It will hurt at first but the longer you remain with her you will hurt even more ... that is guaranteed. True that a leopard cannot change its' spots, well not for long anyway.