Reaaaaallly SAD

[Wetash]

I am still sad. I sit and think the whole thing was my fault now. He was into me in the beginning and I was into it too. I was a little scared as I liked him too much and was letting him into my life too fast. I dont know how he interpreted that. We are a little different and I have felt a little about that. However every fight we have had, he will never sort it out and just go and sleep. This has made me cry a lot and I used to feel like a horrible person always as he ll just start moving away from me after a fight. I might have made mistakes, but my intentions were never to kill what he had, rather the opposite, to make it stronger and understand him better. I know feel like I was being judged the whole time.I told him one day that you were so distant to me for like two months, I have cried so much during those days. There is supposed to be two of us in the relationship, and you were never there, do you have any idea how much that could hurt me? Its not like I did something so horrible to you ! He knew from the beginning that I was looking at something very longterm. In the end he told me I deserve someone much better than him and that he is a piece of . I said you are noone to decide that for me and left. First few weeks after the break up, I felt good as I thought it was for the better. But now when I think back, I think maybe I made him go distant. Maybe it was all my fault and I feel so bad for it, as I still like him!

But I also think, if it was me in his position , I would never hurt him by becoming distant for stupid reasons and not even try to sort a problem out! Also when he broke up with me, he said he still likes me but he cant be in a relationship right now.

I got furious that he could take such a decision by himself, do whatever he wants! He texted me after the breakup and we started talking normally as I decided that we should just be friends.

Now however I feel lonely if he doesnt text me, which he suddenly stopped! And it pains a lot, and I really dont know what to do as I am not able to concentrate on anything else!

[Wetash]

He just does his work at home and doesnt really socialise either.. Should I ask him one last time again?

Or would it work better if I made the whole thing mutual, so he thinks she has decided to be without me and look at me in a different way and like me again ?

[ParisPaulette]

But here's what you don't get. To be a couple it takes two people to work on something and make it stronger. You can only do your part, if he wasn't willing to do so then no matter what you would have done or not done things were never going to work out.

 

Good relationships are a two-way street where BOTH people have to try and work things out and keep the relationship together. You only have one person doing that then it's just shadow-boxing and not really a full-on team committed to each other. And that's what you want.

 

And you need to block and delete him and go NC. You can't be friends if you still have feelings and this is hampering your healing. End it for good and move on. You tried, he didn't, it's done. You can try again, but from what you describe it would only ever be you making any effort so what's the point? You deserve someone who will meet you half way and go the distance.

[melancholy123]

You two are on different pages, so this is just not going to work out how you'd like it to. You need to move on from him. You yourself can't hold a relationship together, it takes both people to make a real effort to go along to get along and that was not happening. You will feel better once some time has passed and maybe the next guy will be more in tune to you.

[Wetash]

yes. I can see that

I just feel like a bad person..

Once or twice he drank a lot , and next day he couldnt come with me to someplace he had promised but then he was feeling sick.. Those instances were such that we had fought about something the previous night and the next dya he ll jsut say he isnt well. I have fought with him on that and one time I forgot to ask if he was feeling better. But the next day, I went back and told him how bad i felt and i cried a lott!! he saw me feeling so bad and he just kept pacing around... Did I do something horrible ? I have always been there when he wasnt well and he knows I will never do anythign to hurt him.. Unintentionally I was acting like a kid, He told me he had a stomach pain due to vodka first, because he felt I was accusing him of drinking and falling sick. Next day he said he fell sick because of the rice he ate.. I felt so bad about myself!!! If he had told me it was becuase of the rice I wouldnt have fought with him. He just let me think whatever I wanted to think and finally I feel so bad about myself now!!!!!

[LovelyDani87]

You're only making it worse by trying to figure out the "why" and "what ifs", it's done. There's nothing else to figure out. Don't torture yourself by replaying everything in your mind. If he told you that you deserve better believe it and start your healing journey gracefully. It takes two people to work on a relationship not one person stomping their feet and throwing a tantrum while the other "checks out." Move forward.

[LovelyDani87]

And to add a side note regarding your noted behavior "chill out" and breathe.. it seems you may tend to overreact (dramatic) and make things worse than what they are. Work on that.

[Wetash]

It was the way he was reacting that made me overreact! He made it seem like I was some horrible person and didnt even consider when I was telling him how bad I was feeling. Misunderstandings happen. And I felt I am being punished for it now.

Yes, I am trying to move past it . Trying a lot. Its just when u really like someone and they leave you, you try to figure out wth went wrong!!!!

[Wetash]

I will work on it like you said!

[lilygirl]

You have to go into complete no contact. I know it seems impossible at this point but it really is best for you as it is the only way you will be able to heal and eventually move on. Take it day by day, I know how hard it is!

 

And in terms of friendship, it is impossible at this point because you cannot just switch from being in a relationship to friendship overnight. I believe that it is possible to be friends with an ex but only way down the road when things have settled, and there are no more romantic feelings, and both people are on the same page.

 

I know it all seems like bad news at this point but you will get through.

[Dottieflanogon]

NC will help you heal the fastest...although it is still very painful to go through.You need to accept that he left and you need to give him what he wants, you gone. You don't need to remain in contact and you don't need to be his backup or "safe place" while he is figuring out what he wants.

 

The thing is that in the end you might not be what he wants and it's not worth pondering too much on. The hard truth is that he may find exactly what he wants while away from you and might meet the girl of his dreams. What should you do for you right now? Take care of yourself and live to make your own dreams come true. You might just meet the perfect person for you after you've taken the time to heal.