Getting over her betrayal

[grobber]

Three years ago I fell in love with a girl who was my colleague at the University so I saw her every weekday. I was shy since I had never had a girlfriend before , while she was very experienced in the dating department, and it took me 6 months to tell her I liked her. She didn't reply, though I asked her on two other further occasions if there could be something between the two of us. When I last asked her, she told me that she valued our friendship too much, that she thinks I was to good for her and that she wouldn't want to lose me. I respected her opinion and didn't insist, decided to stay friends and I just wanted for the two of us to spend some nice time before she was going to leave for a semester to study abroad. We had a great time and she slept with me in the same bed for two nights at my place and we cuddled(nothing sexual).

 

Soon, she left to study abroad and I was ready to move on as I had lost all hopes of the two of us being together and I was at peace with myself. A couple of days after she arrived there, we started talking a lot on skype and at one point I decided that it wasn't healthy as I was still in love with her and told her that and that we should stop talking. She then confessed that she had loved me all along but that she didn't want to give me any hopes since she didn't know how things would turn out to be for her abroad as she had considered the possibility of going back there after finishing her last year of studies in our country. She told me though that she didn't like it as much as she thought she would and that she will come back and that she wanted us to be together. I was extremely happy and overwhelmed with joy and I thought we were finally together. We talked about spending our lives together, raising children and she would always tell me that she loved me with all her heart and that she would never leave me. I wanted to go visit her immediately, but I decided that I would better go after her exams since the weather would have been a lot nicer by that time and we could travel a lot more during the summer and also I truly trusted her that she will love me forever and therefore didn't rush. Everything was great for 3 months, just like a dream, I treated her like a princess as I had done even when she was back in my country. We only had one fight during this period which was my fault since I was overly needy for two days when I didn't receive on skype due to bad Internet connection the text telling me that she was going somewhere and I just kept texting her on her phone , which annoyed her and she responded with some pretty hurtful comments. I apologized and promised her this would never happen again and I kept my promise. Everything was great again, until the last month before my visit to her place, when she began distancing herself from me. We talked only 3 times that month on skype, whereas before we were talking daily. I was suspicious, but I knew she had exams and I also had my own exams and thought that everything was ok. I also didn't want to seem needy as I was before.

I had finished my exams and all I was thinking about was the moment I would see her again. Exactly one day before I was going to take the plane and go visit her though, she texted me on facebook breaking up with me telling that due to the problems that some of the couples in her family had and the fact that now she would like to leave our country after her studies and go and live abroad since she felt her place was not in our country , she couldn't be in a relationship with anyone at that time. She said that she loves me but that she wouldn't want any of us to suffer in case she would get any other opportunity of going abroad as she would go in a heartbeat. She also said that she still wants me to go there since she misses me and needs me, but that we can't be together and she understands if I could not go there and that she wanted a reply from me. I was crushed, immediately called her on her phone and assured her that I loved her, that I would always be there for her and that I was going to still go visit her the next day. She started to cry telling me that she loves me, that she is sorry to disappoint me and that I am the most wonderful person in the world. She also said that who knows, we may still be together. I couldn't sleep that night, cried all night and the next day during my departure as well. Deep inside me I knew it was over, but I wanted to be there for her and I was thinking that maybe, just maybe I could still save our relationship.

What went next were the 2 most awful weeks of my life. She acted like she had no regret at all, spent little time with me and would almost every night go out and come back home the next day morning. I couldn't recognize her anymore. Back home I had bought her a present, a tablet for which I had spent quite a lot of money and I still gave it to her as it was intended for her with all my heart. Her sister came to visit her for a week and I spent a lot more time with her sister than with her. After 2 excruciating weeks, I left telling her that I loved her and that I would like her to tell me if there was any chance we could still be together. The next day when I arrived, I got a text from her telling me that I should find someone who loved me as much as I deserved.

The summer went by and we started courses at the University. I had decided to stop talking to her, but I was weak since I couldn't stand not talking to her at all since I had to stay in the same room as her for 5-6 hours a day. We still talked for the ongoing academic year and I even thought that we could stay friends even after we finish our studies. In the meantime, I found out though that she had a new boyfriend which she had made when she was abroad. I was crushed, I confronted her about it and she said that they had started being together after she went back abroad for a week, but later found out from her that this was a lie and that they were together one month after she had returned from her studies abroad. I believe this was also a lie and that they had been together ever since that month when we didn't talk to much on skype, as I saw a love message that she sent him during that time. I couldn't stand the thought that all those nights when she was gone and I was left at her place abroad were in fact spent with that guy. Luckily, this was by the end of our last year of studies together and I told her that we should not stay in touch. She agreed, though she seemed taken aback by my decision.

It has been more than a year since I last saw her, I don't want her anymore, but I still constantly feel the pain caused by her behavior and think that I will never be completely happy again. I sometimes would like to just go numb and not feel a thing. I feel like she led me on and then crushed me in such a cruel way that I will never be able to forget. She even told me that she felt very lonely during the first 3 months which was exactly the period when we talked so much, so I considered the possibility that maybe she did it because she wanted someone to be there for her.

On the other hand, I genuinely believe that she did love me during that period because I don't see how someone could possibly fake their emotions in such a way and show so much tenderness and love towards me telling stuff like: I made her the happiest girl alive, that she doesn't deserve me, that I am the most loving and wonderful boyfriend ever, that she constantly thinks about me and about the two of us getting married and having children.

This has been the most traumatizing experience I ever went through and I just wanted to share it with you and ask you if you could please give me some advice on how to forget her betrayal. Thank you very much for all your help!

[heartbroken011]

I am so sorry that you had to go through this! She should have never lead you on like that and let you come visit her if she didn't want her too. You did nothing wrong this was all on her. Weather or not she did really love you doesn't change the fact that she treated you horribly and nobody deserves that. It is good that you don't want her anymore now but it's normal that you still feel the pain. But you will be happy again, 5 or 6 years ago I was hurt very badly in a similar way and I thought he was the one and that I would never be happy again but I was eventually. You will be happy again and you also may always look back on it and still feel pain that someone hurt you in such a way but you will meet someone soon who will make you happy and make that feeling of pain very very small in comparison to how it feels right now.