Has anyone had success saving long distance marriage where spouse withdraws?

[lovesforlife]

My spouse and I have signed a separation petition and I do not want to get divorced. We are living almost accross the country away from each other and have throughout the marriage. I tried to visit him to save the marriage and talk and he did not welcome the visit, although he warmed up a bit during it. He now rarely initiates contact with me and when we do text or talk it is very cold and distant, almost as if he hates me and cannot stand to talk to me. The reason for the signed papers is I became aware of him being in a sex chat when we were not talking for a week or so and became very hurt and upset and sent the papers. He took some time to think and, having felt pushed away many times by me and me reacting to my hurt by doing things to intentionally hurt him, decided to sign them. He has not asked about them and whether I have signed them or sent them to the Court. He does not talk about my request that we try to work things out. Everything I read says that I should let him pull away, do nothing, no pressure, no questions, virtually no contact and just wait and hope he comes back. The not knowing and limbo gives me anxiety and I know I would become even more depressed if I waited faithfully for another year and a have just have him meet someone else and return here to just gather his things and leave. I really do not know what to do. If you have had success saving a long distance marriage where one spouse withdraws, please help me!

[mhowe]

You sent him divorce papers. Going NC is not going to show him you want to work on this. I don't think this situation can be saved.

[lovesforlife]

You sent him divorce papers. Going NC is not going to show him you want to work on this. I don't think this situation can be saved.

 

Perhaps you are right. I feel very hopeless and depressed and don't know what to do. I want to fight for him but it is very hard to show him any changes when we are so far apart and he does not really want to talk. I don't know how to get him to trust that I will not continue to push him away. I don't want to lose him. Most blogs and books I have read say no contact and distance are the way to go, but he is someone who has criticized my distance in the past and my failure to say I love you enough. I feel like I should do the opposite of no contact and the rubberband dance, but everything I read says if I keep moving toward him, it will push him away. I don't know what to do, someone please help.

[mhowe]

How can you push someone away farther when you live on opposite coasts? When his criticism is that you push him away?