Do you tell a guy you like him or not?

[tigermoth]

I don't know where to start with this... I guess a good place is the beginning!

 

2 years ago I met this fabulous, amazing guy. My gut told me I was attracted to him but I suppressed my feelings as I had a long term partner and a 7 month old child.

 

At the time, I wasn't ready to acknowledge the abusive relationship I was in (my now ex partner was a verbally and physically abusive drunk - had been for years) so as a family we joined some friends on an overseas holiday. This was where I met this amazing guy. We became friends of fb but never spoke after that.

 

Over New Years this year we again joined this same group on another overseas holiday. There were three couples, this guy and my now 2 yr old son. By this stage my ex and I were beyond repair. From the moment we landed he was off drinking with other people (I barely saw him - except when he was horrendously drunk) and this other guy just stepped up to the plate. He was there for me every second of every day, pushing my son to the supermarket to buy nappies, cleaning up melted ice cream, ordering me dinner, escorting me home after dinner, playing with my son while I showered. We talked a lot. One night my ex came back to the house and hurt me. I ran out of the bedroom with our son and the other guy was in the sitting room (where he had been sleeping). He heard the noise and me crying and asked me what had just happened. I opened up to him. Over the 10 days I discovered just how much we had in common. We just clicked. Nothing was strained. He could have spent the entire trip hooking up with some single girl but he spent it with me.

 

When we returned home, after the trip, I made my exit plan. By April I was back safely living with my parents while I got my life sorted. In June I messaged the guy. I knew it would be up to me to message first as he wouldn't have wanted to interfere (and to be honest, it wasn't his place to get involved). So I sent a lovely message and he responded favorably.

 

Fast forward to today. We have had sporadic messages. He lives accross the other side of the world, but he is on a break from work for the next few months. Our recent messages go like this:

 

Me: "Where's your next adventure I wonder?! I hear Australia is pretty awesome! Haha"

Him: "Australia IS pretty awesome! I'm not sure where my next trip will be, I'm not good at planning things out... I'll let you know"

 

I would love to see him again but have no idea whether to tell him how I feel or not! I have absolutely no idea what he thinks of me. If it makes any difference, I'm 30 and he is 39.

[Man with Dog]

Say you'd like to see him again, plain and simple. I think I can guess the outcome.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't tell him you like him but show him by saying you would like to see him again in person.

[Knot2loud]

Go for it!

 

...and for every woman out there.... No woman should EVER tolerate an abusive relationship. Verbal or physical.

[abitbroken]

I say no. you were got out of an abusive relationship after you last saw this guy. You need time by yourself with no relationship. Right now your radar for guys is broken and you can't clearly recognize red flags from guys. So back away. It is fine to text here and there - but no relationship. You have just gotten out of one. Tell him that while you like him, you just ended an abusive relationship and need to spend some time healing. This guy may be nice - but guys who turn out not nice don't go for women who are seeing someone else, and can come on too fast. He may turn out to be fine, but for your child, you need to be strong, and alone to get your stuff together. You just moved back in with your folks. Establish a safe place for your child. ANd its not the last you'll hear of your ex, so set boundaries.

 

Trust me, as an abuse survivor, you need to do this.

[HeartGoesOn]

^

Agreed...Spot on.

[abitbroken]

And you do not want your son seeing mom jump from guy to guy. You need to be a strong mom and create stability for him - not mom jumping from guy to guy and house to house and bed to bed. Get your son into a routine where he feels safe and secure, figure out custody with your ex. You can't prevent him from seeing the child unless the court decides he is too dangerous. Because otherwise you will only make decisions to get closer to this guy who you likely see as a "rescuer" in some way. Also, because you met on vacation, you really don't know everything about what he is really like at this point. You had your fantasy. You know that there are guys out there who are more caring. But let them be. The more you heal and are strong, the bigger chance that when you are ready down the line - you will meet someone who is even more kind, considerate, and right for you.