laxster Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 It seems I've lost one of my closest friends. Things have been rough lately and it has me somewhat taken aback as to what happened between us. A little over 4 years ago, we and a mutual friend decided to rent a house and become roommates. Most of the time was great! Late last winter/early spring my friend and I were invited to a party. A few people at that party thought we were a "couple". I just chalked it up to dumb people at a party. My friend, however, did not and let it fester -- and leaving me to wonder why he was growing so distant from me. He finally brought it to my attention nearly 5 months after the party. He said he grew distant from me because he was afraid that I had envisioned our friendship turning into a "partnership" which is most definitely what I did not want. (I had dated a guy in the past.) During this painful conversation, the topic of our old roommate came up, as they were close in the past, and the other roommate wound up moving out. He said that his friendship with our other roommate didn't get better until he moved out and gave it some time. The very idea that my friend was thinking such things hurt me to the point where I decided it was time to buy my own house if I cared to salvage our friendship. 2 months later I signed the purchase agreement for my own house. When I broke the news I suddenly took a lot of backlash for the decision -- mostly because I didn't tell him I was doing this, I just told him and his brother I was moving out in 7 weeks. Now I'm moved out and on my own. However, we are not talking. At all. I was even "un-friended" from his Facebook. For nearly 6 years we hung out almost every single day... went to Europe together... supported each other like brothers. With the exception of the last 6 months it was a great friendship! I still am reeling and would like this friend back. I know that in some ways nothing will ever be the same again... nor should it be. But this friendship always has meant a lot to me and it is very weird going from seeing your best friend pretty much every day to no contact. A close friend who knows both of us said that we can't NOT be friends -- and that it will be fine. I hope so. I'm not sure what to do here. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Is this the story of 3 guys? Are any of you gay...hence the "couple" inference from mutual,friends? Link to comment
laxster Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 I'm bi and I dated a guy once during the course of this friendship. Mainly the story of 2 guys... and we shared a house with a roommate -- first one was a mutual friend who moved out after 2 years when his friendship with my friend faded. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 I think that he didn't want to be seen as a couple with you, hence the original distance. Your reaction to search for a place, buy it and give 7 weeks notice...was calculated and cold if you valued the friendship at all. I had a friend once, totally platonic, and I found out from her sister that she and her husband were moving. I called her up to see when...and it was in 2 weeks. Why she didn't want to tell me, I have no idea. However, I took her lack of communication on something so huge as a sign of how little she valued our friendship and I walked away from it. Link to comment
laxster Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 Yeah, that's where I'm struggling -- I am concerned I didn't act as a good friend by not being more forthcoming, and at the same time the distance that was wedging us apart made it difficult for me to want to reveal that it was time for me to start looking for my own house. I do care about the friendship very much. It seems a shame to end a friendship over this. I think it will need some time but I don't know how much or how to approach it. Our third roommate and him had a falling out and many months later they were able to reconcile. Heck, another close friend and I had a falling out several years ago and we were able to reconnect again after 6 months and that friendship is now stronger than ever. That's what I'm holding out hope for here... Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 15, 2015 Share Posted October 15, 2015 Well, you all are more forgiving then I. I took it as a huge sign of disrespect as I had been there for her divorce, the death of both her parents and a lot more. I wouldn't cross the street to talk to her at this point. Link to comment
laxster Posted October 15, 2015 Author Share Posted October 15, 2015 I think theres some hurt wounds on both sides here. I was so upset he decided to hold that back from me for so many months... and he is probably hurt that I wouldn't tell him. In the course of the painful conversation, he suggested the move so that we could get on better footing again. I just don't think he thought I would be moving out about 3 months later! A mutual friend of ours seems to think we'll be fine if I give it some time... I sure hope! Link to comment
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