Gave ex-boyfriend an ultimatum...

[jobelle]

our men sound so similar. Kind of ambivalent. It is so hard isn't it?

 

so you mean you just want to split? For now at least?

 

Ambivalent would be a good description. I am not perfect myself and throughout the relationship I've been ready to hop off at the first sign of distance from his part as I have my issues too (we both have abandonment issues)... this is not the first time I break up with him. The first time I broke up with him was because he said something which I interpreted as him not caring about me enough. I was drunk though and the next morning we talked about it and "filed" the breakup. He did warn me then that if I would break up with him again he would force himself to leave. So no I am not perfect but somehow he was the one that contributed the most to our demise and he has taken responsibility for that.

 

I have finally come to a decision to stick to the "ultimatum". Mostly because I can't handle the idea of him going on holidays with the ex but also because things between us were not so good enough to justify getting him back at any price (especially a price that would cost me my dignity). So the ball is in his court now. It will hurt A LOT if he decides to go on the trip, I know that, but at the same time it will show how much he wants us to be together and I hope that it will give us the closure we need to move on, knowing things cannot be mended (if he goes).

[kate111]

I think sometimes people on these boards are quick to judge relationships and write people off. In saying that, clearly I have the opposite problem, an inability to let go.

 

I hope in this ultimatum you have increased your value so that he knows you won't settle for crumbs.

 

Have you read much about attachment theory? I wonder if both our men have avoidant attachment issues.

[jobelle]

I agree. I too am surprised as to how quickly people write people and relationships off. It's a common denominator in most threads.

 

I'm familiar with attachment theory and I it does seem like my guy has an avoidant attachment style. It would make sense given his childhood story too. It was first when I broke up with him that I realized he had strong feelings...

[jobelle]

Update: he decided not to go on the trip!!!