Kissing/touching/EVERYTHING is booooring to me...

[northernlights]

My main problem is that when I'm intimately involved with a boy, I'm genuinely bored. It has nothing to do with me not being in touch with my sexual side. I'm in touch all right, it's just that it's so...boring!

 

Granted, I've only kissed three guys in my lifetime and two of them were guys I just met at a party, but one of them WAS my boyfriend, and I didn't enjoy kissing him or doing anything else sexually with him either, though we never had sex. This doesn't mean I didn't enjoy being with him. I loved being with him (until we got bored of each other). Again, it wasn't gross or anything, it was just boring. Two lips pressed against each other. A hand on my body. Whoop-dee-doo.

 

And it's not as if the guys I've kissed weren't attracted. One was *very* good looking. One was my boyfriend, so of course I had to be attracted to him.

 

So what do you all think? Anyone feel the same way as me? Am I weird and doomed to be asexual forever or have I just not that right guy yet?

[pip]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you - it sounds like you haven't found anyone you're really "into" yet.

 

And don't feel like you have to do these things either. If you're not into it, don't worry! You just have to be patient I guess

[MyNinja]

HI northernlights,

 

interesting problem you have her. I would say that maybe you are not emotionally attatched person, maybe you are. I wouldn't say you are asexual but maybe more aware of what you want sexually from your partner and this isn't being satisfied, OR maybe you have no set standards of what you want sexually! Who knows! There could be a number of underlying reasons for this and I can only bring out the obvious.

 

Tell me this, what would you find not boring when it comes to intimacy?

 

How is the relationship itself without the physical closeness? Is the communication strong? Are you two generally happy in the presense of each other? Is the relationship "colorful"? These small aspects of any relationship are the backbone for developing strong physical and mental closeness to the other. when these are not present one may feel "bored" and impatient. This may not be the case for you, but should be closely considered if you're completely confused about all this. maybe you should write down all of you likes and dislikes when involved with someone. what do you want out of the person? How would you like to spend time with him? Hope I helped and good luck

 

 

"Do not go where the path may lead, instead go where there is no path and leave a trail" -aynonomous

[circles]

hmm sounds like your not really into him. have you ever experienced being "turned on" ? i thihnk you would find that kissing and touching ect is actuallly very interesting when your doing it with somone who you are sexually into.

i wouldnt be too concerned that your not feeling a lot of interest right now, just keep an onpen mind, and when you find something that floats your boat go with it

[northernlights]

circles - hmm I guess you could say I was never turned on by my boyfriend or the other two boys. It was just "oh, he's really cute looking! Maybe if I kissed him I would feel something...hmm...nope, nothing." There WAS one complete stranger I saw on the bus once who accidentally bumped me with his bag and made my entire face get hot and turn red, which has never happened before. So you're right, maybe I just need to find the guy who will turn me on.

 

Then again, I have amazingly high standards. The guy on the bus was an adrogynous model-type person.

 

mo'Nique: When it comes to intimacy, I guess what's not boring is just hanging around the guy and talking to him, and doing adventurous things with him like sneaking into places we shouldn't be or climbing up on the roof, etc. As you can probably tell, I have really low stimulation levels (yeah yeah, i'm also a psych major, using terms like that) so I need to do exciting things to not be bored.

 

But seriously, is there anyone else out there who has kissed/been sexually intimate with other people and still just not felt anything? I'm beginning to think this whole "you see fireworks when you kiss" thing is a big scam.

[cooldude1234]

I don't get "fireworks" with a close mouthed kiss/peck, either. Haahahaa. I hope thats not what you mean bu 'kissing.' French kissing on the other hand, is a different thing. HAVE you ever french kissed? Have you ever been kissed anywhere but your lips?

 

But, if you aren't into the guy nothing will happen.

[northernlights]

lol yup, I've been french kissed which I just found insanely weird. And I've been kissed elsewhere, which also feels weird. The ears are sensitive, but not really in an ooh-ah-way.

 

I guess I need to find a guy who turns me on. GAH. Where are all the men when you need them?

[Shidoshi]

Then again, I have amazingly high standards.

 

I'd say this is the reason. You hooked up with guys who you felt were attractive, but thats it, pretty superficial. If kissing, touching, etc, with your boyfriend and guys in general doesn't arouse you in anyway your probably just going through the routine of having a relationship just for the sake of being in one and/or interacting with guys.

 

There WAS one complete stranger I saw on the bus once who accidentally bumped me with his bag and made my entire face get hot and turn red, which has never happened before.

 

I'm thinking you know already know the answer to your dilemma, if you want to call it that .

[twelve]

It will happen, and you will know when it does

[northernlights]

Haha well, I can definitely say that I'm not sexually attracted to women, though I am attracted to that wavering borderline which androgynous people sit on.

 

So if a girl looks like a guy, I think she's hot. If a guy looks feminine, I think he's hot. Weird weird.

 

But in the end, I also think the Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt type of guys are hot too, so yes, I'm pretty sure I'm straight. Which means back to square one in finding a guy to turn me on.

 

Maybe I'll go track down that stranger on the bus, convince him to break up with his really athletic looking girlfriend, and steal him away. HAH.

[Shidoshi]

Wow, I wasn't even expecting that kind of a response from you Northernlights. Ninelives, I think you may have hit the nail on the head. I didn't even pick up on the "androgenous" comment, or rather didn't take it much into account. I'm as straight as an arrow so I have no idea what its like to have these feelings, this was a good learning experience.

[twelve]

i agree with above

[Lana0120]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you - it sounds like you haven't found anyone you're really "into" yet.

 

And don't feel like you have to do these things either. If you're not into it, don't worry! You just have to be patient I guess

 

I agree with this.

[dietrying]

^ Me too.

 

With the first guy I kissed, any form of physical contact with him would turn me on. That's because I really felt that I loved him.

 

Second guy...we made out and I felt nothing at all...weird and boring.

[shes2smart]

Programming note:

 

The original post that started this thread is from 2005. If you'd like to discuss this topic further, you might be better off starting a fresh thread.

 

Thank you.

[salem89]

Yeah I really don't think you were that into these boys, you may have thought you were or really wanted to be and tried to convince yourself that you were but if you didn't get urges to take him down when you first see him sometimes then you definitely weren't attracted, they might have been attractive but you weren't attracted haha. My first kiss was with my best guy friend (yeah I know, BIG mistake) we liked eachother and there was definitely something in that kiss, not sure if it was the excitement of the first kiss or a real connection. That never worked out though, ugh. I've liked a guy for about 6 years now and the first time we kissed....woooo boy...yep it was...yep... Anyways the guy I was seeing recently was an amazing kisser and had great qualities but since I compared him to the 6 year guy he never really 'did it' for me, and a friend of mine who I hooked up with and thought I was attracted to when it came down to the kiss, zip, nada, neinte, so that was the end of that. Honestly a kiss says alot about how you really feel about someone, you can lie to yourself but the kiss will always tell the truth. Once you find that one person that you can't stop thinking about or daydreaming about, probably the preson that successfully turns you on, all your problems will disappear, though it might be some time from now once you get there it'll be well worth it, haha, good luck!