question for everyone: genuine or typical cliche saying?

[tropicaliris]

Hey everyone, i just want to see some opinions on this saying.

 

When people break up and say the guy broke up with the girl and he tells her "i like you but im just not looking for a serious relationship" is he just trying to make the break up nicer or did he genuinely like her but hes just not in the relationship mind frame.

 

Basically does this sound like a typical line always used or can this be genuine words?

 

Opinions?

[RayKay]

In MY personal opinion...I think it is basically a cop out or a way of trying to make the other person feel better (girls use this line too!) during the breakup. They don't really want to hurt the other person (though I think sometimes this line makes things worse as it is not really full closure so to speak).

 

To me that line means..."I am just not that into you to make you worth my time and effort"...see why they say the other thing - much less blunt! Sometimes things are fixable, but they are still saying to me, it is not worth fixing and I know there is something out there better. YOU might know how/want to heal things through, but they don't...and trying to pursue it/push it just hurts you more in the long run.

 

It is true they might not be ready for something serious, but I guarantee if the right person came around, they suddenly would be...it is not uncommon for someone to say this line and then within months turn around and be engaged/married and picking out china patterns! So to me, it just means they are not into something serious with you. Even the busiest person in the world will make time for the woman/man they love and want to be with.

 

It hurts a LOT to admit they are just not into you but think of it this way: they are opening the door for the person who IS very much into you (and you into them) to come along..and trust me it DOES happen!

[peanut15]

I've been in situations and have friends that have been in situations where they do like the other person but not just that way. Sometimes I really think the person is nice but a relationship just won't work.

[DN]

I think RayKay is right for most of the time.

 

Sometimes, though, they are telling the truth as they see it at the time. They do like the other person, as a person, with the dictionary definition of 'like' as opposed to 'like' being the first stage towards "love'. But they have genuine reasons why they may not want a serious relationship but just a casual one and knowing the other person is more serious realise they have to break up.

 

As RayKay says, they may fall in love with the next person along and change their mind but it does not necessarily mean they were less than truthful before.

[cremebrulee]

from my experiences i would say this is a line. I think that a guy saying he likes a girl but doesn't want a relationship at the moment is kind of a nice way of saying you're nice but i'm not that into you. He may genuinely like the girl in a non-romantic way but i think its just a way for them to ease out of it.

[tropicaliris]

Okay thanks for the replies everyone very insightful

 

ill just be honest and say this just happened to me.. im not fully hurt or anything since there was no real emotional attachment just a bit confused about why all of a sudden a change around by him.

 

Earlier this week he calls me and we talk for a good amount of time, he even wanted to make plans with me to do stuff with me this weekend. Just curious as to why the sudden change of heart all of a sudden when he was the one calling me and wanting to get out with me just a few days ago? He said that he started 2nd guessing about us just this week and not the previous weeks before after talking to his friends and lets say they're all a part of a frat (so i guess you can say theres that pressure too of being "free", if that matters...)

 

Just a lil confused as to how he can change around so quickly after seeming so willing for it?

[Guarana Galrok]

Always to make the breakup go better. That's my 2 cents.

[Jaela]

well ive been in this situation before where i was crazy about the guy, but i was also too afraid to fall in love. i had a very traumatic relationship a few months prior and i hadn't fully healed yet. so i told him i cared about him deeply but i didnt feel ready for a very serious relationship at that time. I felt better at that time by taking things slower. now i realize i really goofed up, but i genuinely felt freaked out.

 

so i dont believe its always just a line.

[circles]

i think what it usually means is "im not interested in a serious relatioinship with you, right now" it could be that he feels trapped or pressured, at any rate, it means he doesnt want to continue the relationship. if somone is pathetic enough to end a relatinship with a "line" becasue they cant be bothered being honest, their not worth the time anyway, so i think you should just be optimistic, take his explanation at face value, and move on. oh thats right you have

[OceanEyes]

if somone is pathetic enough to end a relatinship with a "line" becasue they cant be bothered being honest, their not worth the time anyway, so i think you should just be optimistic, take his explanation at face value, and move on.

 

I would tend to agree with the part about moving on, but not about being totally honest. I've been out with guys who have been so horribly boring and nowhere near my 'type', but I would never come right out and say that. Why? Because it's sickeningly mean and totally unnecessary. If I just came right out and said, "well, I don't really see a future with you because you can barely hold a conversation, you chew with your mouth open and have big sweat marks under your arms", I think I'd probably hurt some feelings in a big way.

 

"Lines" are usually very transparent. However, just telling someone "I am not into having a serious relationship right now" is more than enough of a hint to someone to say, "I don't like you in that way". You can't always come right out and say exactly why you don't want to see someone anymore.

[DN]

If I just came right out and said, "well, I don't really see a future with you because you can barely hold a conversation, you chew with your mouth open and have big sweat marks under your arms", I think I'd probably hurt some feelings in a big way. ".

 

One of three things might happen if you did:

 

he'd say "Huh?"

 

or he would hibernate for three years or so

 

or he might clean up his act for his next girlfriend.

[tropicaliris]

Hi all i just see this guy as a sketchy one since the reason he gave me for not wanting a serious relationship was becuz he started seeing us heading down that path to a serious relationship.

 

When we weren't very serious he seemed very interested in me, inviting me to his cruise thing, getting very affectionate, kissing alot, holding hands thru out whole dates, snuggling, staying overnight with eachother cuddling and falling asleep together(no sex haha just to let u guys know) Basically the whole nine yards of being affectionate with someone you "seem" to be interested in. So in my mind i was thinking "okay so he does like me." And thus as a result i put my guard down and allowed myself to start developing feelings. Only to be soon followed by his bailing.

 

Could this be a case of commitment phobia?